Lately (well, on and off over the last few years) i've kind of had a hard time going to sleep. Not necessarily falling asleep...but just getting myself into bed.

Like i'm afraid of leaving things undone. And yet...i still manage to do pretty close to nothing for 3 or 4 hours with not much to show for it but a shoddy night's rest...

i've been writing a LOT...Katie gave me a lovely journal for my birthday and i finished it in a month and had to buy a new one last week...

I write because i don't know what to say out loud. i'm just not good at talking anymore. i'm not sure how this happened, i've been reminded lately about what a loudmouth i used to be as a little girl...i always had "excessive taking in class" checked off on my report cards in school...there was alway one more thing i needed to say...
The lyrics i posted below are strangely akin to what i'm feeling these days. i stink at poetry too...which is why i'm thankful i can steal some from those more gifted than i when they happen to connect so strongly with my own heart...

It seems now that times when i'm feeling the most inclined to speak aloud to other people, are when i often tend to just keep my mouth shut. i can't get rid of this nagging doubt that there is always someone else that could express my thoughts better, or that there is always a more eloquent way for me to say something than what my forst inclination would be.
It is inevitable, these days, that after i've had a conversation with someone, serious or silly, long or short, i leave feeling restless and upset because i think i have somehow misrepresented myself...