Tuesday, August 26

morning coffee

hello there. it is a cool overcast morning in Laguna Niguel, and i'm drinking coffee...my new addiction. when i started hanging out with my friends last fall, they all went out for coffee all the time, and though i wasn't much of a fan, i went along. within a couple of weeks i remember thinking "hmm, this stuff isn't so bad" and i would order a small one. little did i know that by the next summer i would get major headaches and not be able to fully open my eyes without it!! oh cursed caffeine dependency...
anyway, i just left Dee's this morning. i'll take care of her nest week too, i'm pretty sure. my friend Katie Schmid came to take my place around 8am, so i got to talk to her for a little while. and that was wonderful. she is going to Italy in october and i am exceedingly jealous...

i'm kind of low lately. which i hate because i so badly want to be happy...the Lord is doing so much. but with specific situations just continuing to cause emotional pain and these stupid stupid dreams i keep having...i just can't let things go. last night i prayed that i could just let Jesus have these burdens...these thorns...and that (and 2 tylenol pm) helped me fall asleep a little bit better. i don't remember what i dreamed...yet...

i'm hoping to see my friend Drea today, who is dealing with some major struggles herself. i hope she will somehow come to see who God really is in her life through what she is dealing with. that He's not just some distant, apathetic spirit in the sky that doesn't care what you do with yourself as long as you are a "good person"...

i was also invited to an afternoon gathering at a nude beach. we'll see about that :P


i think that one of the most important things i have learned in the last month or so is that it is okay in life to fail at something...as long as it was something you were called by the Lord to do. i think of Amaris and the desperate situation she has been in for the last year...all the saturday morning women's prayer meetings where she would come and ask that somehow the Lord would tell her what to do with herself, so that she could make a living, pay her bills, just get by...
and week after week, month after month, nothing would happen. she wasn't making enough money at her job, she was feeling unfulfilled, and God seemed to be ignoring her.
a couple of months ago, she felt that the Lord was pulling her to move to the east coast. she felt it so strongly, that she put in her 2 weeks notice at Nickelodeon, moved out of her photography studio, moved out of her apartment, and planned to fly out within the month and be an assistant to an artist in conneticut.
but then, just before she was supposed to leave, she found out that what she was going to be doing in CT was not only completely different than she thought, but she wasn't going to be paid for it. moving suddenly became impossible...and now she was homeless, jobless, and without a place to make her artwork.
she was in near despair.
she thought that she was doing what God wanted.
why would He give her a calling, make her follow it, and then yank it out from under her feet??

to make a long story short...not only has she gotten her job back, but she received a totally unexpected promotion, is doing something much more involved, and is for the first time in her life, able to pay her bills. and she is writing her book, taking her pictures...and now just needs a place to live she she can move out of her mom's house. and she isn't worried...she is excited to see where the Lord is going to put her.
and if she hadn't followed His voice...and "failed" none of it would have happened.

it really cements the idea that God is writing a story for us...all we see is the conflict, the suspense, the doubt. there is no way to flip to the end and see how all the loose ends are tied together.

i thought that was cool.

mom and dad are in Hawaii for the week, so when i get home this evening i get to have the house to myself...partaay! aaawww yeah!!

last night Radiohead played at the Hollywood Bowl. a few of my friends have already updated their facebook statuses to reflect how ****ing amazing it was...
i will see them again. someday. i will!!!
for now i'll just content myself with Beach House and Pip's lovely music.
i really want to make more music.
i can't wait to start some portraits!

my coffee is almost gone...and i just spilled some on my computer...which i think is my cue to go and make something of myself.
first things first...i'm going to a bookstore to buy Breaking Dawn. don't judge me. you know that deep down you think Britney Spears is catchy.

well. aren't you glad that you sat and read all these ramblings?? don't you feel so much more smarter (grammatical error=on purpose) and aware of the world??
oh good. then my job here is done.


Friday, August 22

my brain is trying to subvert me

know what i get tired of?
making a willful, concerted effort at trying to put burdensome, distracting, saddening things out of my mind all day...keeping busy to avoid idleness...praying and reading at night until i can't keep my eyes open to keep from dwelling on said things (which, at times, takes hours)...only to have them permeate my dreams at night.
so it's all i can think about the next day...as i ponder the multitudes of images and interactions i so vividly experienced while asleep.

maybe i'm doing something wrong. :\


Thursday, August 21

some things last a long time

Saying good-bye to Phill...

Having coffee wednesday morning with tiffany and liz, after finishing with Dee...tiffany had just taken phill to the airport. so he's officially gone now.

dinner with my wonderful friend nick, who is leaving in a few weeks to go to italy for a year...

i have beach house stuck in my head.


Tuesday, August 19

the prayer of my heart

i don't know what it is.
but spending 48 hours straight devoting every ounce of your energy in servitude to someone in need--kind of makes things fall into perspective--what is really important? what am i devoting my time to?
as you make somone food
as you wash their body
change their clothes
give them company
lift when you are exhausted
rise when you need to sleep

simply smile

in spite of fatigue...
you feel a longing to be someone like this all the time
to serve
to devote
to sacrifice your self

you want to be someone who was as the Lord was

He has done all this and infinitely more for every single living person
He continues to do it every day

wash us
feed us
lift us
speak to us

it's a trick to think we can't do the same...that we're just not capable.
it's what we are here for.

there is no other satisfaction


Saturday, August 16

where'd they go...?

man, just when you think you have 4 more months until one of your dear friends moves away forever, you find out you only have 4 days.
tonight i'm going to a good-bye gathering for my friend Phill who is moving back to new jersey this week, not in december as originally planned. i found this out yesterday. at the good-bye for my friend Beau (see the 11th) Tiffany cried her eyes out after he left. (don't tell her i said that) i can't imagine what tonight will be like. it still hasn't hit me.
i baked a banana bread for the occasion.

anyway...a few things...

hanging a "wish" on a tree in Old Town, part of Yoko Ono's art installation of...well, wishing trees. you know, for world peace and crap.

alec and sarah opening wedding gifts on sunday before they left on their honeymoon

pip and i being mysterious

andrew and i being hipsters

i probably won't be posting much (if at all) for the next 5 days or so...i'll be working as a caregiver for a woman who has Parkinson's monday thru wednesday. her name is Dee and she is lovely. prayers are appreciated...for this and many other things. :)

this last week has been a daze...i can't believe how fast time is going by...!! summer will be over soon (nott he heat, but the season...)
caid said "pepper" today...!

i have a bunch of stuff in my head to write about but i'm all jumbled. :P

be a safety nut.

love, colleen


Thursday, August 14

little baby lady

wait...you're not my mama...

just up from a nap...mesmerized by wow wow wubzy


Wednesday, August 13

i swear. an hour ago it was 9:30 and i was saying to myself, "i'm getting to bed early tonight!!"


Monday, August 11

some photos

There are a bunch of pictures of the day before/of the wedding and it's preparations. You can see them by clicking HERE. I posted some of my favorites further down in this post...

Karaoke with Jeff last Sunday night...
My to-do list
Celebrating Bettina's success in becoming a licensed RN

hanging out with some of my Laguna friends and saying good-bye to my friend Beau, who is moving to NY :(

Amy and GwenDay before the wedding...Amy, mom and i went to the flower mart in downtown LA

as i promised...miscellaneous pictures of the wedding preparation...which can also be seen in the facebook album.
rehearsal dinner at Il Fornaio
dinosaur teeth

wayward chocolate

hair and make-up at Auntie Robin's...


taking pictures
Amaris reading the light
Robin doing some last-minute touch-ups before the big moment...

more later...