Monday, March 31

by the way...

thanks for prayer. thanks for everyone being lovely. i've got that over-scraped-butter feeling these days and i'm holding on to the Lord for dear life. i know i'm not the only one...

in-n-out once a month is okay

Laguna has been insanely crowded...

my friends and i are insanely busy...

beginning of a pastel drawing...

my wonderful friend Nick will be the subject for my 3rd painting and i took a gazillion pictures of him over the weekend...

Start of a head study of Nick...

After church yesterday...

there are two lovely pregnant ladies in this picture...

Today animal trainers brought a bear cub and a tiger cub to school for 3 hours and that was incredible.
here's Cheyenne...


drawing like crazy...

and Skye the tiger!

picture taking

gorgeous animal

They were so so beautiful...

oh check this out...

okay gotta get back to work...


Thursday, March 27

music is cool

Last Tuesday, i believe...

Laurel's gone now :( but hopefully we'll see her back in town very soon.

Pip posing for reference pictures...

i went nuts last night and chopped all the rest of the brown out of my's just my blonde-ness now. :) it's shorter than i've ever had it in my life. i like it. it doesn't move.

still feeling kinda sick in a lot of ways.

my big final thesis paper (CAPSTONE) is due tomorrow. so i should get to that. then i'll be painting and drawing like a mad person every day for the next month and a half.

i will not have a life until May 12th.


Monday, March 24

oh Heavenly Father i need Your help this week so badly...

Sunday, March 23

Happy Happy Easter

Sarah and Alec are making a traditional Easter Sushi dinner.
Laurel is here in her new dress.
Some cool stuff.


Happy Easter

i have claimed Easter Sunday as my favorite holiday for quite a few years now. It still is. Even though today finds my parents in San Diego and my sister and Alec still out at church while i'm home on the couch with a very sore chest from excessive coughing...

i can still say to myself, "Well, at least i don't have be afraid of death"

i think that's pretty cool.

there are so many things about being a Christian that still mystify me. there seem to be more and more every year i am alive. i hope i never stop feeling that wonderment...especially when i am lonely and scared...i need to know that there is always something more to hope for. That's what Easter is about for me...a limitless hope. a perfect hope. heck, go ahead and use any positive adjective you want. it's beyond my understanding. it's so far above me that i don't even know what the heck i'm talking about anymore.

part of that could also be my sinus headache.

Friday, March 21

as long as i'm not moving, breathing, or making any noises whatsoever...i'm okay...

so, i'm really really sick. really really really sick. at the moment i'm at a starbucks...about half-aware of my surroundings. i had to get out of the apartment to buy some food and water at TJ's and i decided to go online quickly while i was out. (i'm in Orange...i drove out here Wed night) i already feel like i've expended too much precious energy so i'm going to sign off...yaaay


Monday, March 17

(creepy singsong) it's such a pretty

once again, i will direct you to a post on Ariel's blog that i particularly liked. or you can click here. or here. or even HERE

you should really read it.

i am on spring break. i just realized i've been so busy i haven't really thought about it.
yesterday Anna chopped my hair off again so it will grow back in all's the shortest it's ever been and it feels amazing. i trimmed the sides this afternoon so it has almost a faux-hawk-y look. :D don't's fairly subtle.
i slept in a few hours and then went running this morning...which was horrible and really great.
Sarah and i had lunch sitting in the warm light feeling the cool breeze in our amazing blooming spring backyard. i sunned my shoulders and she knitted a sweater in a straw hat. we looked at the budding vegetable garden. Dad swatted at hornets.

Sarah has been into making bread and she just handed me some of the best sourdough i've ever had...right from our oven. she's amazing...

there are a lot of things going on that i don't want to deal with and i have a terrible lot of school work over the next 6 days...but right now i just want to look at the Azaleas.


Thursday, March 13


just a few things...firstly, my painting of Edan got into the school show. so that's is a picture of it as it is right now...i have 2 small adjustments to make on it before i will officially call it "DONE" but it's pretty much there! look at how lovely he is...standing there all brooding and grumpy... ;)

The Ashlee painting thus far...still *lots* of work to do...(bad color & subtlety in photo, &c...)

aand here's a pastel i cranked out in about 2 hours tonight. and i'm sorry, but the color isn't NEARLY as rich and vibrant in this picture as it is in real life...aag. moving on...
we have another day on it still...but i think i don't want to do much more...except for the head. (the photo is cropped in...)

okay. c'est tout. i'm thoroughly tired but i need to drive home (OC) and work on a paper tonight for class tomorrow.

man, the Beatles are so freaking AMAZING



Wednesday, March 12

i think it's funny that lately i've been thinking about how God is fascinating. it seems like something i shouldn't even have to say...

a message was given at church a couple of weeks ago that dealt with love, and suffering. it seems like so many things i have been learning lately...are things i already know. but i don't know them like i should. hearing things put into their simplest possible form can tell you more than years of study...

the Essence of Love...
is the desire to be one with another.

i know...duh...but i think this is important...
the Purest form of Love...
is Love that desires to impart itself

love is about the giving up of your own desires. the hardest thing in this life...especially in this age of individuality and self-centeredness.
it's all about what makes ME happy. all that matters is how this situation affects ME. what can I get out of this?
why do you think 50% of marriages don't work out...? God didn't design marriage to make us happy, but to make us whole. to work out what it is to love with every part of you, even the part that says "it's not fair"...and then that is where happiness and joy comes from. it's not easy, but it's beautiful.

Christ didn't let fairness determine his decision to give up His life and His connection to His Father for us. what if he had?
what if he had said, "i don't deserve this, i've done nothing wrong, they dug themselves into this hole they can live in it." and allowed the angels to carry Him away...unharmed...unscathed...

if He could do lower Himself the way He much more can i smile at someone who criticizes me? be patient with someone who offends me? love someone who "doesn't deserve it...?"

i don't know. yadda yadda. i guess i've just been confronted with this a lot...about what love really is to me.

i have a lot more to write but that's all for now...


Monday, March 10

check it out...

we're gonna be famous!


let me know what you think!!


this time change is messing with my head...

Friday, March 7

do you actually read this...?

or are you just here for the pictures?

just wondering.

well, i tried running with the knee brace today...and it actually felt pretty good!
until i took it off. right now my left knee hurts like the dickens.

some bad pictures of some of my crappy stuff...

i have been having a terribly hard time with my painting of ashlee...that girl has most amazing skin...

it is also impossible to paint. i have been looking at Klimt, some Bouguereau and a lot of Waterhouse...they did amazing paintings of fair-skinned women, it is helping a bit...

very tired today. physically and mentally. this week was mid-terms...reminding me that i only have until the end of April to finish everything...the paintings...

i'm getting really tired of people talking big and not doing anything.

maybe it's just a reflection on myself...but i'm weary of it just the same.
Lord help me to let things go...


Wednesday, March 5

think of a wonderful thought

If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."
~ C.S. Lewis

how often does our life feel this way...?
...i think about this quote a lot. Quite a lot. especially when i am hit with the almost uncontrollable urge to fly.
yes, that's exactly what i said. sometimes i want to fly so badly i almost feel like i'm crawling out of my skin.

yesterday i was musing to Edan about how, at times, i could compare my thirst for flight to a desperate thirst for water. not being able to quench it feels unnatural, wrong, sometimes almost excruciating.
to which he replied: "I can fly."
i ignored him. "seriously, though...i really think--"
"I can fly," he said again.
"no you can't! i just wish--"
"yes I can"
i let out an aggrivated sigh. how dare he interrupt my lofty expoundings??
"I can! I can fly!"
"No you--" Suddenly i realized he was telling the truth. Sort of.
"Oh yea," i said. "You can fly a plane."
"yup!" he replied triumphantly.
"that doesn't count."

i have had so many dreams about being able to fly. sometimes when i can't sleep i imagine what it would be like to fly from my apartment so school, or to Pasadena where i could surprise my sister. i can be the star of my own heroic adventures...
i once thought up a pretty elaborate graphic novel about someone who discovers they can fly...but i never even drew a single picture. don't you dare steal that...i may just try to flesh it out someday!
i'm a little bit obsessed with it. but i don't talk about it much because...well, what's the point? at least being overly interested in things like clouds, cheese or Quenyan can serve some purpose to that at least they exist...

anyway. this week i have badly wanted to fly. and it's been really frustrating because sometimes i literally feel like i'll explode. it's a terrible itch, a burning in my chest, a rock in the pit of my stomach...
if i could just push myself a few inches from the floor...

that's all i guess.
i'm going to go home now and draw all night. tomorrow's going to be fuuun...


Monday, March 3

oh good Lord

it's only Monday...!

had a nice critique today in figure painting. now i'm going home to work on a mid-term drawing and hopefully take a run if i can get a knee brace and hopefully that will help. then sleep. sleeeeep