Tuesday, August 30

Started school today...um-yesterday...won't have a computer for the rest of the week.

Things are dandy.

Sunday, August 28

Back to Save the Universe

So Radiohead fever has begun again...and i'm definitely coming down with something!
(wasn't that clever...)

Firstly, thank you Dave for the heads up, Radiohead has their own blog! wow! You can see pictures taken by the members of each other, track their progress on their next album, and read Thom's ramblings on his lack of direction and lack of energy...which are surprisingly coherent, if you ask me. quoth Thom...
"everybodys wasted. expended i mean. energy wise i mean.
all in need of bowl of coco pops."
Just click here: Dead Air Space

This is a small semi-interesting article about their new album...thanks Myles.

And last, but not least, head on over here to check out an amazing new song; it's live, but very very beautiful...things just keep on getting better!

Friday, August 26

3 things...

1. Yesterday i blazed through a book called
Holes and thoroughly enjoyed it. A well-written children's book is such a treat to find these days! Often reading this, i was very surprised that it recieved so much praise and attention...only because parts of it are extremely violent and disturbing. But the story is enticing, and i've never read anything like it. Simple and complex, i recommend it as a companion for a good afternoon sit-down.

2. I am hopelessly addicted to Sudoku.

3. I finally watched the European version of Léon: The Professional and enjoyed it immensely. Far superior to the 20-minute shorter and less controversial American cut.

And there you are.

Wednesday, August 24

nearly thursday

Seeing as i don't have a computer down where i'm staying for school yet, i haven't been able to get online since Sunday! Heavens!
Hopefully that will change, as LCAD requires all students to have purchased a laptop through their laptop program. i should be getting mine before the weekend...a new Powerbook G4 to have and enjoy. (:

So as i mentoned, sort of, i stayed down there for about 3 days for orientation mishmash and such.
I can't believe how beautiful the campus is. Check out the website and take a look at the virtual tour. See the front entrance, Visit the grassy knoll, stroll throught the handicap parking (it has a good all around scope of the front of the school). Take a look at the student galleries, as well. Some of the work ot absolutely breathtaking...i recommend skipping the foundation section...though there's good stuff in there, too.
I'm mostly just excited about getting really down and dirty with the art classes. I got my schedule, and i'm taking 15 units of portraiture, figure drawing, figure painting, figure sculpture, and less that wonderful classes like perspective and human evolution (uuuugh. like i haven't heard all of that before). I'm taking a writing/critical reasoning class that sounds interesting...but i just wish i could focus on art! Oh well. Praise God i transferred out of all the lower writing classes.
Otherwise i'm kind of freaking out. An upheval in family crisis(es??? what the hell is plural for crisis?), relationships on the rocks and me just being quite an emotional wreck. I won't go into details...but lets just say the last few weeks have involved a lot of literal blood sweat and tears in quite a variety of ways.
Seeing as i'm not actually starting until Monday, i came back here to Pasadena. And my parents are getting back from Arizona tomorrow, so i'll get to see my mom...smile.

I'm not really listening to anything right now...i can fix that...

Hear hear...
Werewolf by Cat Power

what? you've never heard of Cat Power!?? Well, now you have. And you'll like it. Just ask JeffBishop.


Sunday, August 21

Peace Be Still

Pedro the Lion:



Tuesday, August 16

Technical Difficulties

Well, due to some aircraft malfunctions...Sarah's not coming home until this afternoon. Dad and i will be leaving around 3 to go pick her up at LAX...ugh. But at least she'll be home!
It's August...and it's cold. It's cold. whaaaa?

In other news, We're all trying to figure out how to handle quite a delicate and mystifying issue...
What do you do with someone who's sick...but wants to die?
You all who have read my blog for a while (and my friends, naturlich) know that my family and i live with my grandparents and are caring for them, along with regular 24-hour help from 5 excellent ladies. Anyone who has read my blog for a while also knows what a charming guy my grandpa is. (dripping sarcasm)

Doctor's visits consist of his excalamations of, "I should be dead by now," when he takes his meds at breakfast and dinner you can hear him muttering under his breath "why do I take these damn pills," and nearly every morniing as he struggles out of bed, he wonders why he just won't die.

For a few months now he has been developing congestion in his chest and throat, and in the last few weeks it's evolved into a terrible rasping, grating cough that literally makes it sound as if we'll see a lung or something popping out of his mouth. He's also gotten more and more bitter...threatening to strike my grandma, and actually taking swings at some of our caregivers. He radiates unhappiness and malcontent...and the only time you see him smile is if he feels he's made a particularly brilliant little joke on someone else's behalf. He's lost any ounce of politeness, manners or cooperation...he won't even take a shower once a week with a helper unless forced to. And now that he's feeling so lousy, you can imagine how his attitude has far from improved. And he won't go to the doctor. Flat out refuses.

A couple of months ago, mom was alone with him in the house when she heard him calling her name.
She went out to find him in the middle of the hallway, leaning on his walker. "What is it, dad?" she asked him.
His unfocused gaze passed her as he answered wearily, "Where do I go to check out?"
Mom, a bit taken aback had to mull over this a moment, and asked him what he meant. He merely repeated himself. It was apparent that a little heart to heart was in order.
She sat him in the living room and leaned on his knees like a little child, and again, tried to figure out what to say.
"Do you mean 'where do I go to die?'" she asked him. He said yes.
"Dad, I don't know. If I knew I would tell you. But you're just going to have to wait until the good Lord decides to take you."
She told him she loved him, and she told him that if he went, grandma would be taken care of. We figured long ago that really the only thing keeping him around is my grandma. So she wanted him to understand that.

A week or so ago, my grandpa was literally making the house a living nightmare...fits of rage, cursing and insults plagued the house and one of our caregivers almost left us for good. This time the talk my mom had with her father wasn't so gentle. She flat-out told him that if he didn't make an effort to display even an ounce of kindness or cooperation we would be forced to put him in a home...because we can't keep him around if he won't let us take care of him.
She then went on to an even deeper issue...his relationship with God.

We don't know if my grandpa is saved or not. My grandma, though very ritualistic and nonchalant at times about her faith, i know has a relationship with Jesus...no matter how small, it's there. And that's all it takes. A wonderful example of this can be seen here.
Mom told him that he needed to start thinking about where he's heading, and where he stands in God's eyes. "There are qualities that I see displayed in the lives of older people I know that know the Lord, dad. And I don't see those qualities in you and it scares me." She addressed his cursing, his taking of the name of Jesus in vain, and telling people to go to hell. "If you really know what you were saying when you said that...you would not be saying it." When he got all upset and told her to give it a rest, she only stood firmer. "I'm prepared for you to not like me, if only i can tell you the truth. You have to think about these things...you have to do it now." She told him, on the verge of tears, "I want to see you in heaven, dad."
I really wish i could remember the whole thing...it was really beautiful what she told him.

When she said "I love you" to him, she was thrown back the usual, "Yea? Do you really?", delivered with the utmost bitterness.
And things were a bit better for a day or two. Until his cough worsened.

As of a few days ago, things have gotten pretty bad. He'll lay on the couch coughing and fighting to breathe. His body is under so much strain from the wracking spasms in his chest, we're having to give him pain medication regularly. But he denys having a cough, and when my mom told him the other night that he was wheezing, he said to her, "No I'm not. You don't know what the hell you're talking about." Then, literally toying with her, he wheezed his breath in and out, exaggerated and pained, and snickered at her as she stood over him.
Mom says that he knows exactly what he's doing. "I think he even knows what's wrong with himself," she told Susan (our primary helper) and i the other night. "I think he's excited because he know that if he lets this go, it could turn into pnemonia and he could die." My grandpa used to be an incredible doctor, so it makes complete sense.

What he doesn't know, is that their doctor is doing something almost unheard of these days...she's making a house call and is coming today to see him. My mom is coming home from work early so she can be here.
And it is not going to be pretty.

We almost wish we could just let it go...the man is 91 and has no will to live, for heaven's sake! But we can't just sit around and do nothing. If we can at least keep him comfortable until he passes that will be okay. There's a reason why he's stuck around so long. I know that God is trying to break throught to him. But the last thing we want to do is pump the guy full of medicine that will only prolong his suffering. Last night my mom broke down, and i wished so badly i could do something.
All i can do is pray for peace...and the hope that someday my mom will see her dad in heaven.

I just wonder how long things can go on this way...

Sunday, August 14

Gotta See Gotta Know Right Now

So tired. This weekend has been one of lifting, shoving, cleaning, driving and organizing.
In other words, i've been moving all weekend, getting ready to live down by Laguna Beach. Today i had the help of (besides my mom) my cousins Jeff and Joey, friend Matt and very pregnant Ginger (Joey's wife)! She helped wash some dishes...being unable to do any lifting or much bending over.
It's been nice to go through all my stuff, get boxes out of storage and see things i haven't laid eyes on in over a year! That's always one of the best parts of moving i think...starting out so fresh and non-cluttered. My apartment looks awesome...i'm so happy with it! i'll have to take some before and after pictures of it and post them.

Sarah comes home from Russia tomorrow...i'm so excited.
How many people can honestly say they are excited about seeing their sibling?

And on Wednesday we leave for Sedona...my only real vacation this summer...though i only get to stay until Sunday because i have to be at school for a "new student orientation" Monday and Tuesday. oh well. :(
I'll get to sleep in my new digs! :D

So tired. That was redundant. Which reminds me... the other day i was in Old Town and i saw a "hip artsy chic" guy walking around with a T-shirt on that said:
"Department of Redundancy Department"


now hearing:
Modest Mouse: Graivity Rides Everything (gooood song!)

Thursday, August 11

"This is from...Mathilda..."

So...why did it take me so long to see this movie? I'm not sure. but i watched it last night, and i can say without a doubt that very few films have succeeded in moving me as much as this one did. Which is probably why i'm writing a little bit about it.
It features Jean Reno and the film debut of an amazing pre-teen Natalie Portman as the two main characters...Leon and Mathilda...flawless casting that shakes off any restraints that threaten to hold the story down. Luc Besson's direction is also beautiful to watch.

"The Professional" tells a story that sounds almost laughable and completely unbelievable: a hardened italian hitman taking in, and, in a sense, falling in love with a twelve-year old girl...and she with him...sounds a tad bizarre and terribly inppropriate. But the sensitivity and skill with which their incredible relationship is pulled off is what makes this film so worth watching.

Well, i don't want to say too much or scare anyone away from it; as i had really no idea what i was about to see, i watched with undivided fascination as it unfolded...and ultimately ended in the best and most brilliant way it possibly could (despite what i may have been hoping for). I honestly don't think i've ever cried so hard in a film as i did near the end of this one.
I just wanted to recommend it to anyone who hasn't yet seen it...though being late to jump on the bandwagon i may just be preaching to the choir.

Actually, just to be clear, I haven't seen this particular version here that i have a picture of. The uncut European version thought "too disturbing" for American audiences; with over 24 minutes of footage included that was cut from the version released in the US. But i plan on seeing it at some point.

ok, that's all for now. Is it stil Thursday? good. just barely.
I think i'll go watch it again...seriously.

Friday, August 5

What the...!??



Yes, we are mature twenty-something young women...seen here filming an intelligent, gripping...ah...drama...thriller called "B Heroes". Watch as our brave heroines battle to save the earth from unsanitary conditions; namely excess moisture and um, lint. Following the exploits of the incredible "Dry Heaver" (Bettina) and the courageous "Lint Buster" (cough-me), we see them rise, and ultimately fail miserably against the cunning of their foes, water and lint, (both played by Kristina).

Yea. I wouldn't even have mentioned it if Kristina hadn't asked me to post these so she could show--i mean--i'm proud! PROUD to be a part of such a marvel of film history! And i want the WORLD to know!!! ha ha ha!

It boasts state-of-the-art effects, expert editing by yours truly, and a killer soundtrack. And hey...clocking in at around 12 minutes, it's a real bona fide short film!

If only i could get it online so you guys could all see it. he he he...

Thursday, August 4

Sarah's News from Russia pt 3...

Excerpts from her e-mail...i'll start after the family greetings...

"SO! Then english camp! Well, we went fishing, and you know how very very much I love fishing! All those times we went to Arizona and stuff and I was always asking to go fishing....you remember, right? Well our good friend for many years, Joshua.... you know Joshua, dad introduced him to mom in college? Well, Joshua taught us how to fish, and it was really a wonderful experience. We caught quite a few. It was really great. I didn't catch any personally, but Joshua assured me time after time my role was important." he he he...that made me laugh.

"Man, guys, I've made some friends, I pray that we'll be able to keep in touch. Ashley and I bonded most, and I'm really sad, she's going to be leaving. All of the people I've bonded with except for Jessica are NOT going to St. Petersburg.... so I'm kind of sad about that. Saransk was really cool, The first few days I was there were sort of hard. The food here in Russia is not so bad at all. But Russian CAMP FOOD is AAAAAAWWWWFULLLLLL!!!!!

"The last couple days at camp I couldn't even walk into the cafeteria anymore because the smell made me want to vomit!!! My tummy couldn't take it anymore. Praise God they had a 'Bar' there where they sold bottled water and snacks! I would have died of thirst because I did not even want to drink the tap water after I neutralized it with my 'seri pen'. The water there SMELLED!!! After you took a shower you still felt gross! And it was hot! They bought us some big jugs of bottled water (for us americans) But then to our horror a day later we found tons of brown floaties in the jugs, so I had to keep buying the bottled water from the Bar. So anyways, the last two days, I stopped eating the camp food, then I started starving... so itstead I started living on potato chips juice twix bars and mars bars. Guys, I have never felt so gross in my entire life. Next time Sarah goes to russia, she brings lots of trailmix, dried fruit, and beef jerky for HERSELF. I hate to say it, but I ended up eating some of the beef jerky I brought with me [as gifts] just to keep from feeling like I was killing my insides!!!!

"Everything else was cool though! We saying in the morning and the evening.... taught the kids all kinds of cool songs.... it was so awesome how at the very end of the camp on the last morning everyone was singing the worship songs so loudly when before it was only us Americans that were singing.

"I'm pretty tired. But I'm excitied. This has been a lot more fun than I thought it would be, and also, it some ways harder. It's weird.... there's stuff I miss about home, and I know I'm going to be dieing to get home soon (I alread sort of am) The Lord has been so faithfull to sustain me!!! He's so good, guys. I'm going to really miss some of these people. Tomorrow, Ashley Shawn and I are going to go Hang out with Vova and Oleg (the two russian guys) which should be fun. It's weird... the boys at the camp were WAY more open than the girls. It made it sort of hard, quite a few of us American girls got frustrated at the lack of connection we got with some of the girls.

"Okay Gotta go! LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU! MISS YOU SO MUCH. I think if I think too much about home, I'll maybe sort of crazy. Love you again!


Keep praying everyone...she's got another week and a half there!