aaah. (contented sigh)

well, fall is here...and

it

is

so

beautiful...


impromptu trip to disneyland with mom and sarah on thursday...






i've been playing some songs on the autoharp...it's pretty fun.

and reid is getting very tall.


more later...gotta go do stuff...

~

avid sister

i'm at Video Symphony with sarah, keeping her company while she works on the editing equipment in preparation to start classes again next week. she is putting together the wedding video, which looks great so far...
so i brought books...and stuff to write...and fruity gum to chew on...

tomorrow i'm driving down to San Diego to go to the Street Scene, and i am immensely excited. i'll be dead tired, but that's okay. i was also supposed to see Goldfrapp on sunday but i don't have $45 for a ticket. :(

hmmm hmm. isn't she the most loveliest? i mean Sarah, of course

i like just being near her. not seeing her a lot makes me want to always hug her and tap her and tell her random things when i'm able to have 5 minutes alone with her. kind of like i want to do right now...but i have to let her work so SHHHHH be quiet! you're so annoying. geez.

~~~

my little sister's getting married tomorrow


far out



~

3 basic and obvious facts of life

Sarah makes amazing cake

tea parties are simply marvelous

and water balloons kick ass.


just thought you should know.



~~~~~~~~~~~

(creepy singsong) it's such a pretty day...outside...today

once again, i will direct you to a post on Ariel's blog that i particularly liked. or you can click here. or here. or even HERE

you should really read it.

i am on spring break. i just realized i've been so busy i haven't really thought about it.
yesterday Anna chopped my hair off again so it will grow back in all blonde...it's the shortest it's ever been and it feels amazing. i trimmed the sides this afternoon so it has almost a faux-hawk-y look. :D don't worry...it's fairly subtle.
i slept in a few hours and then went running this morning...which was horrible and really great.
Sarah and i had lunch sitting in the warm light feeling the cool breeze in our amazing blooming spring backyard. i sunned my shoulders and she knitted a sweater in a straw hat. we looked at the budding vegetable garden. Dad swatted at hornets.

Sarah has been into making bread and she just handed me some of the best sourdough i've ever had...right from our oven. she's amazing...

there are a lot of things going on that i don't want to deal with and i have a terrible lot of school work over the next 6 days...but right now i just want to look at the Azaleas.


~~~~~~~~~~

church.













pretty sky.

pretty girl.

lunch with sister and cousin.


Happy Neue Jahr!

so.

i kind of had a small inward meltdown over the last few days and i can't quite decide if it's over yet...i kind of want to go crawl in bed and cry...but at the same time i'm a little excited about taking a shower and crawling into bed and reading.
it's weird because it literally fluctuates numerous times throughout the day. i'll feel a certain way (i.e. scared, hopeless, panicked, &c...) and do a bunch of stuff, drive somewhere, or write like crazy...and then after about an hour i'll say 'what the hell was wrong with me?' recant stuff, apologize, and feel like a total spaz...only to be back in the same place later in the day.

God is really testing my patience right now. Because waiting on matters of the heart and head are at the bottom of my competence list. And so, as is His wont, He is making me wait.


In the words of Inigo...'I hate waiting.'







oh yeah...and my hair is gone.





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a moment of quietness

Sarah went in for blood work this morning, so hopefully we'll know something soon...thank you so so much for praying. it's been nice to see her smile over the last couple of days. :)




Thursday night cousin Jef, Pip, Andrew, Tina and i went to Karaoke...i got this really awesome drink that i can't remember what it's called...


Jef singing away as Pip looks on at the screen

i was so so tired because we got started late...so when i wasn't singing (which was very feeble) i was snuggled in my chair listening to Jeffy belt out ballads and the others sing duets.

Last night Dad, Mom and i went to the Pantages and saw Wicked...which was amazing. man i wish i could sing and dance better so i could get into musical theater.


i found this picture online...it's the same stage setup that was at our show......



Anyway. :)

i already miss school. Except for the extreme amounts of homework and the occasional disgruntled student or teacher, i'm actually looking forward to going back in a few weeks. of course by next Friday i'll probably be back into my own routine of doing my own thing here and my own work and being with my family and everyone here...

But i miss people already. Which is a miraculous answer to prayer for me considering how miserable i was nearly my entire first year at LCAD because i couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone. i don't even remember the change happening...all i know is that in last month or so i looked at where i was and realized that everything was different (well, not completely...i still can't stand being singled out and boys still scare me). God is funny. He brought me through the last few years the way He did because it was the only way i could be better now.

Of course now i see how much further i still have to go...and it's daunting. Especially when i consider the situations i am facing in the coming months.

My wish is to get through the year ahead with as little damage to those around me as possible...because this year was not successful in that respect. My dysfunction and instability have wreaked havoc on everyone i care about over the last 14-15 months...in some ways it still is...i'm sure in many ways it always will...
Adjusting to my new state of mind has been fascinating...and frustrating. Whether it be my amazing family, or people at my school...you have all had to put up with me...and if you are willing (and crazy) you will all continue to put up with me as long as the Lord keeps us all together. He is working...i can feel it. i'm trying so hard to let go of my self and let Him have His way. A lot of that means letting go of fears that have strangled me my entire life...and as some of you can attest to, it has been a bit of a roller coaster. And the longer i'm on it the more i understand that it's far from being over...

i am so undeserving of the patience, love, and support i have received from so many...
this post has turned kind of mushy...

goodness i love all of you. thank you...there. i'm done!

...and if i don't post before then...Happy Christmas! Listen to lots of Sufjan!
And don't forget why we're here...



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

semester: over. sleep: not.

End of finals! That means...Saturday night dance dance!
Edan Red and Phill letting loose





Edan just recently got the video game Rock Band, so the four of us played it. they were happy because now there was a fourth person (me) to sing so they could focus on guitar, bass and drums.
Here are our characters we got to create. Apparently, we are in our "space cowboy" stage. which explains the costumes. maybe.

from the left...Edan, me, Phill and Red (greatest character ever)

the real life band photo

more people continued to arrive...


and the fever spread.


Next day...Chipotle after church...

beautiful afternoon


mom made Christmas cookies


Fast-forward to last night!
a trip to the happiest (and wettest) place on earth...
i met Edan, Phill and Beau at Disneyland...and it almost immediately began to pour...which was great, considering we stood in line outside for the Finding Nemo ride for about 45 minutes. and i accidentally splashed them with my wellies. if you don't know what those are, that sentence probably sounded really funny.




Beau, Phil and Edan looking cool. and not just chromatically.

SPACE MOUNTAIN


that is all

it's strange being out of school...but i'm still extremely busy, as i'm finally doing all of the things i was neglecting because of homework. and as of today all my friends from school are off to their respective corners of the continent; so aside from working in my studio in Laguna, i'm hoping to stick around here and play some real catch-up with my lovely family and California friends.
and write.
i'm kind of working on a special project right now...
and i'm hoping i'm not getting sick...i've been kind of running hard on empty for the last few weeks and i'm starting to feel it.

but if i do get sick that just means more time to write.

One more very important thing: please please pray for Sarah. i don't care if she gets mad that i say this...but she's been strangely sick for a long time and isn't getting better. i hope the Lord tells us what is going on soon...because i'm worried. thanks everyone...




~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunday the 28th

OKAY...a few goings-on!!


Church...


sisters


silliness...sarah alec and jefery






Edan not liking having his picture taken


Caid jebabe


...



Lunch at Pei-Wei was quite a sober affair...









Mom, Jan Edan and i went on a hike later...


little baby frog


mom n the dogs


random dirty-mop-dog


clouds :)


sunset



a couple of random studies i did recently...everything else is un-showable at this point...






That's all for now...



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~