seeing what is hidden

you know what?
peace can come at very very strange times. like right now, in the midst of a lot of upheaval...i am feeling a measure of peace i have not felt in...goodness...almost a year...??

the only annoying thing is that because i am so ridiculously emotional and sometimes hopelessly irrational, the peace ebbs in and out...but it is getting better. i know tears are not finished...yet that is just what it is to be colleen.

yesterday i met in bittersweetness with a dear friend. sitting at a Starbucks on the shores of Laguna we danced around the proverbial elephant for nearly 4 hours. "life is still weird" he said, with his head in his hand. at one point i shared with him something Amy Carmichael wrote:

"Our God does satisfy. i think sometimes He has to draw us into strange experiences in order that we shall prove Him to the uttermost, for some purpose out of sight.
For what is He preparing us? It is all hidden, we have only hints in the Gospels and in Revelation. 'His servants shall serve Him'--where? how? But this we do know: never a pang of disappointment or loneliness or pain (there are many kinds of pangs) but may be turned to minister towards a perfecting of power to serve--first here on earth, then Otherwhere."
~Candles in the Dark

Our discussion turned to the goal of God's preparation for our lives, and he asked what we could possibly be prepared for that would be used in heaven...instead of here...
i said in all honesty that i didn't know. we have no idea what is in store for us. the effort it takes to try and forget the representations, both visual and lyrical, that have influenced us concerning our afterlife over the centuries--Baroque churches, El Greco, Dante, even our beloved Clive Staples--makes it nearly impossible to believe in something about which "eye has not seen nor ear has heard".
but it think it is worth the headache.

The wedding is just over 2 weeks away. The house is overflowing with chaos, fellowship, short tempers, laughter, smiles, frustration, exhaustion and love. even in this case, sometimes the "goal" of all this activity can seem hidden, despite how obvious it is. we just sometimes forget to remember it...and instead focus what really will have no importance whatsoever once August 8th is come and gone.

Grandpa Floyd said in his message on Sunday that God often appears weak...He doesn't force us to do anything.
However, Satan does...and so seems to have the upper hand.

God's seeming weakness is our opportunity to allow Him Lordship by our constant submission to His hand. Trusting Him is an active thing. our relationship with Jesus is called a "walk" because it takes movement on our part. i forget that even waiting on God is an active thing...requiring trust and stepping out...


even if it's in blindness...


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i forgot!

Tuesday (the 27th) was the 4-year anniversary of this weblog.
it's weird to think of how much has happened since i started this.
pretty crazy (2004)...and wonderful (2005)...and amazing (2006) too.

dinner sounds good.


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semester: over. sleep: not.

End of finals! That means...Saturday night dance dance!
Edan Red and Phill letting loose





Edan just recently got the video game Rock Band, so the four of us played it. they were happy because now there was a fourth person (me) to sing so they could focus on guitar, bass and drums.
Here are our characters we got to create. Apparently, we are in our "space cowboy" stage. which explains the costumes. maybe.

from the left...Edan, me, Phill and Red (greatest character ever)

the real life band photo

more people continued to arrive...


and the fever spread.


Next day...Chipotle after church...

beautiful afternoon


mom made Christmas cookies


Fast-forward to last night!
a trip to the happiest (and wettest) place on earth...
i met Edan, Phill and Beau at Disneyland...and it almost immediately began to pour...which was great, considering we stood in line outside for the Finding Nemo ride for about 45 minutes. and i accidentally splashed them with my wellies. if you don't know what those are, that sentence probably sounded really funny.




Beau, Phil and Edan looking cool. and not just chromatically.

SPACE MOUNTAIN


that is all

it's strange being out of school...but i'm still extremely busy, as i'm finally doing all of the things i was neglecting because of homework. and as of today all my friends from school are off to their respective corners of the continent; so aside from working in my studio in Laguna, i'm hoping to stick around here and play some real catch-up with my lovely family and California friends.
and write.
i'm kind of working on a special project right now...
and i'm hoping i'm not getting sick...i've been kind of running hard on empty for the last few weeks and i'm starting to feel it.

but if i do get sick that just means more time to write.

One more very important thing: please please pray for Sarah. i don't care if she gets mad that i say this...but she's been strangely sick for a long time and isn't getting better. i hope the Lord tells us what is going on soon...because i'm worried. thanks everyone...




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The Simple Wisdom...

C.S. Lewis never ceases to inspire me. In the midst of desires to write a story, particularly one for children, i chanced to come upon some essays of his concerning, ironically, storytelling. In his writings on children's stories, i've been pleased to find the following instruction:

-"No book is really worth reading at the age of ten which is not equally (and often far more) worth reading at the age of fifty-except, of course, books of information. The only imaginative works we ought to grow out of are those which it would have been better to have not read at all...I am almost inclined to set it up as a canon that a children's story which is only enjoyed by children is a bad children's story."

-"Critics who treat 'adult' as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are marks of childhood and adolescence...When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up." (with a little "shout-out" to Paul there...)

Then, referring to the notion that people should only read age-appropriate books, there is written on of my favorite quotes form him: "No reader worth his salt trots along to a time-table."

Perhaps this means nothing to anyone else but me. But i couldn't pass up a chance that perhaps someone could share my inspiration. I'm finding a great deal of joy in reading these essays, as I find myself relating to so much of what Lewis says. This isn't a new occurrence, as i often find when reading him, i can apply myself and understand myself much more. It's really very liberating, and i'm particularly pleased to find such a sense of knowing him on a more personal level, and being able to relate to him as well in some other way than spiritually.

I love to write, and it's fun really, to explore Lewis' own ideas of something i'm particularly interested in. To read works of his that go beyond even his stories and spiritual exhortations, as much as i love them, is refreshing. Like reading Tolkien's letters, to see a greater glimpse of someone you admire and peek into their other passions, and read what they have to say about life and family and, in this case, theories on the actual act of reading and writing. They were both so young at heart, and yet so wise...it gives me hope that i don't always have to be grown-up, or even feel so, to make an impact in this world.



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