Monday, December 31
Friday, December 28
i think...i think...that God has freed me of some things. how this has happened i won't yet say...i've been writing a lot...reading some amazing things...seeing a pattern...now don't get too excited, colleen. there's a lot that's going to happen soon that will either prove this or dismantle it. i know i still have so much damn fear in me...so much that i almost can't type this because of how much i'm afraid that it's not really true...
but i can't help being a little excited...and terribly scared...but still there's that little bit of excited. it helps.
can't i just trust You...?
Dear Lord.
~
Thursday, December 27
stuff and things...and Christmas too
Amaris and i finished our Christmas presents for the family...
i headed to the Meyers' where David showed us all amazing pictures from his 80 days of wilderness training in the Pacific Northwest. it was beautiful...
Then there came a fierce couple of rounds of Telepictionary...probably one of the best we've ever played. Any questions about this fabulous game can be answered in this post from last year.
So much laughing...Bob started sounding like he was in pain after a while...
Christmas morning...
look, presents!
i like how Christmas morning has bscome much simpler ...just one or two gifts each. and Alec was here this year. so that was special...
Maela sat and watched the whole deal...trying so hard to figure out what was going on...
Sarah and Alec showing off their prizes. You can also see a painting i did of my grandma on the wall behind them...
and yes, Alec got Sarah a brown bathrobe. :)
i only have a few pictured from Christmas night with the whole family...plus a few more...it was a very lovely evening. it went so fast i can hardly remember it. i do remember the prime rib was amazing...
Jef, Amy, Johnny and Kyle...
yesterday there was some hang out time at the Pikes...
last night mom practiced her juggling...thanks to Alec, she is completely addicted. it's hilarious.
today my mom, aunt Wren and i went on a hike to the waterfall...it was cold and clear and lovely. i think hiking is one of my favorite things in the world.
word on the street is that there are some Pappas's coming to town...
~~~~~~
Saturday, December 22
a moment of quietness
Sarah went in for blood work this morning, so hopefully we'll know something soon...thank you so so much for praying. it's been nice to see her smile over the last couple of days. :)
Thursday night cousin Jef, Pip, Andrew, Tina and i went to Karaoke...i got this really awesome drink that i can't remember what it's called...
Jef singing away as Pip looks on at the screen
i was so so tired because we got started late...so when i wasn't singing (which was very feeble) i was snuggled in my chair listening to Jeffy belt out ballads and the others sing duets.
Last night Dad, Mom and i went to the Pantages and saw Wicked...which was amazing. man i wish i could sing and dance better so i could get into musical theater.
i found this picture online...it's the same stage setup that was at our show......
Anyway. :)
i already miss school. Except for the extreme amounts of homework and the occasional disgruntled student or teacher, i'm actually looking forward to going back in a few weeks. of course by next Friday i'll probably be back into my own routine of doing my own thing here and my own work and being with my family and everyone here...
But i miss people already. Which is a miraculous answer to prayer for me considering how miserable i was nearly my entire first year at LCAD because i couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone. i don't even remember the change happening...all i know is that in last month or so i looked at where i was and realized that everything was different (well, not completely...i still can't stand being singled out and boys still scare me). God is funny. He brought me through the last few years the way He did because it was the only way i could be better now.
Of course now i see how much further i still have to go...and it's daunting. Especially when i consider the situations i am facing in the coming months.
My wish is to get through the year ahead with as little damage to those around me as possible...because this year was not successful in that respect. My dysfunction and instability have wreaked havoc on everyone i care about over the last 14-15 months...in some ways it still is...i'm sure in many ways it always will...
Adjusting to my new state of mind has been fascinating...and frustrating. Whether it be my amazing family, or people at my school...you have all had to put up with me...and if you are willing (and crazy) you will all continue to put up with me as long as the Lord keeps us all together. He is working...i can feel it. i'm trying so hard to let go of my self and let Him have His way. A lot of that means letting go of fears that have strangled me my entire life...and as some of you can attest to, it has been a bit of a roller coaster. And the longer i'm on it the more i understand that it's far from being over...
i am so undeserving of the patience, love, and support i have received from so many...
this post has turned kind of mushy...
goodness i love all of you. thank you...there. i'm done!
...and if i don't post before then...Happy Christmas! Listen to lots of Sufjan!
And don't forget why we're here...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thursday night cousin Jef, Pip, Andrew, Tina and i went to Karaoke...i got this really awesome drink that i can't remember what it's called...
Jef singing away as Pip looks on at the screen
i was so so tired because we got started late...so when i wasn't singing (which was very feeble) i was snuggled in my chair listening to Jeffy belt out ballads and the others sing duets.
Last night Dad, Mom and i went to the Pantages and saw Wicked...which was amazing. man i wish i could sing and dance better so i could get into musical theater.
i found this picture online...it's the same stage setup that was at our show......
Anyway. :)
i already miss school. Except for the extreme amounts of homework and the occasional disgruntled student or teacher, i'm actually looking forward to going back in a few weeks. of course by next Friday i'll probably be back into my own routine of doing my own thing here and my own work and being with my family and everyone here...
But i miss people already. Which is a miraculous answer to prayer for me considering how miserable i was nearly my entire first year at LCAD because i couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone. i don't even remember the change happening...all i know is that in last month or so i looked at where i was and realized that everything was different (well, not completely...i still can't stand being singled out and boys still scare me). God is funny. He brought me through the last few years the way He did because it was the only way i could be better now.
Of course now i see how much further i still have to go...and it's daunting. Especially when i consider the situations i am facing in the coming months.
My wish is to get through the year ahead with as little damage to those around me as possible...because this year was not successful in that respect. My dysfunction and instability have wreaked havoc on everyone i care about over the last 14-15 months...in some ways it still is...i'm sure in many ways it always will...
Adjusting to my new state of mind has been fascinating...and frustrating. Whether it be my amazing family, or people at my school...you have all had to put up with me...and if you are willing (and crazy) you will all continue to put up with me as long as the Lord keeps us all together. He is working...i can feel it. i'm trying so hard to let go of my self and let Him have His way. A lot of that means letting go of fears that have strangled me my entire life...and as some of you can attest to, it has been a bit of a roller coaster. And the longer i'm on it the more i understand that it's far from being over...
i am so undeserving of the patience, love, and support i have received from so many...
this post has turned kind of mushy...
goodness i love all of you. thank you...there. i'm done!
...and if i don't post before then...Happy Christmas! Listen to lots of Sufjan!
And don't forget why we're here...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Friday, December 21
Wednesday, December 19
semester: over. sleep: not.
End of finals! That means...Saturday night dance dance!
Edan Red and Phill letting loose
Edan just recently got the video game Rock Band, so the four of us played it. they were happy because now there was a fourth person (me) to sing so they could focus on guitar, bass and drums.
Here are our characters we got to create. Apparently, we are in our "space cowboy" stage. which explains the costumes. maybe.
from the left...Edan, me, Phill and Red (greatest character ever)
the real life band photo
more people continued to arrive...
and the fever spread.
Next day...Chipotle after church...
beautiful afternoon
mom made Christmas cookies
Fast-forward to last night!
a trip to the happiest (and wettest) place on earth...
i met Edan, Phill and Beau at Disneyland...and it almost immediately began to pour...which was great, considering we stood in line outside for the Finding Nemo ride for about 45 minutes. and i accidentally splashed them with my wellies. if you don't know what those are, that sentence probably sounded really funny.
Beau, Phil and Edan looking cool. and not just chromatically.
SPACE MOUNTAIN
that is all
it's strange being out of school...but i'm still extremely busy, as i'm finally doing all of the things i was neglecting because of homework. and as of today all my friends from school are off to their respective corners of the continent; so aside from working in my studio in Laguna, i'm hoping to stick around here and play some real catch-up with my lovely family and California friends.
and write.
i'm kind of working on a special project right now...
and i'm hoping i'm not getting sick...i've been kind of running hard on empty for the last few weeks and i'm starting to feel it.
but if i do get sick that just means more time to write.
One more very important thing: please please pray for Sarah. i don't care if she gets mad that i say this...but she's been strangely sick for a long time and isn't getting better. i hope the Lord tells us what is going on soon...because i'm worried. thanks everyone...
~~~~~~~~~~~
Edan just recently got the video game Rock Band, so the four of us played it. they were happy because now there was a fourth person (me) to sing so they could focus on guitar, bass and drums.
Here are our characters we got to create. Apparently, we are in our "space cowboy" stage. which explains the costumes. maybe.
from the left...Edan, me, Phill and Red (greatest character ever)
the real life band photo
more people continued to arrive...
and the fever spread.
Next day...Chipotle after church...
beautiful afternoon
mom made Christmas cookies
Fast-forward to last night!
i met Edan, Phill and Beau at Disneyland...and it almost immediately began to pour...which was great, considering we stood in line outside for the Finding Nemo ride for about 45 minutes. and i accidentally splashed them with my wellies. if you don't know what those are, that sentence probably sounded really funny.
Beau, Phil and Edan looking cool. and not just chromatically.
SPACE MOUNTAIN
that is all
it's strange being out of school...but i'm still extremely busy, as i'm finally doing all of the things i was neglecting because of homework. and as of today all my friends from school are off to their respective corners of the continent; so aside from working in my studio in Laguna, i'm hoping to stick around here and play some real catch-up with my lovely family and California friends.
and write.
i'm kind of working on a special project right now...
and i'm hoping i'm not getting sick...i've been kind of running hard on empty for the last few weeks and i'm starting to feel it.
but if i do get sick that just means more time to write.
One more very important thing: please please pray for Sarah. i don't care if she gets mad that i say this...but she's been strangely sick for a long time and isn't getting better. i hope the Lord tells us what is going on soon...because i'm worried. thanks everyone...
~~~~~~~~~~~
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