Tuesday, January 16

I'm back home tonight...i came right after school. When i arrived Jeannie and Jan were here, then my aunt Wren came and we all sang to grandma. i know she heard us because at one point i could tell she almost started crying. She is so close...
She's really fighting to breathe right now. We've been telling her how wonderful it is that she's about to go to paradise to meet Jesus, in a new body, glorified and perfect...

It was strange to be back at LCAD today...trying to assume an air of normalcy despite my heavy spirit. I didn't feel like i was really there. I was okay until i had to talk to somebody one on one. When people asked me how my break was i almost laughed...then told them it was good and changed the subject. :P
i kind of feel bad...i wasn't very talkative...but it was alright. I've got some really interesting classes this time around.

I was also interviewed for an article that will be in a couple of local papers (concerning my artwork that is up in the gallery right now), so that was neato. I told her about the trip to Vienna and Prague last summer and how it inspired my work and how it inspired the painting...&c &c. I wish my head had been clearer...and i apologised to the woman who i was talking to. She knew the situation i was in and reassured me that i was doing just fine and that i was "very quotable". (:
then i drove home, which only took about two hours today.

oh sigh, life is weird. i don't know what i'm feeling...with everything that has gone on in the last month i am so so tired...don't you ever just feel so exhausted in both body and soul that no amount of rest could ever seem to relieve it...? i know everyone has. And you guys know i'm not trying to complain...many of you have been so wonderful to my family and to me...but i just find it so hard to talk right now...even to those i'm close to...and i want you to know why.
I'm at a loss of words and feelings...i haven't even been able to shed a tear for the last couple of days (which is very uncharacteristic of me...as i usually cry at the drop of a hat). i've even tried to...but i just feel so dry...!

i don't know if i should go to bed or not...

Lord please take her soon. Please take her home.


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