Sunday, November 28

"It was by the Grace of God you didn't die last night."

Funny, how i knew something was wrong before i even opened the door.
Pip, Sarah and i got back from Amoeba last night and walked into the house to find my grandma hollering from her chair in the living room, and my mom and dad rushing back and forth. "He fell!!!! He-he-he's on the floor-oh, God, oh God...someone please get me up!!!!" my grandma was saying panicked and brokenly, trying miserably to push herself out of the chair, shaking and crying. "Mary Jane, you're not going anywhere," my dad came out and told her, "the last thing we need is you falling, too." My mom rushed out of the hall and passed us with a bloody towel in her hands. "He went right through the window," she said as she rushed by. "Could you guys get the dogs out of here??" my dad said to us. "Damn it damn it damn it!!!" my grandma shreiked.
This all happened within about 3 seconds.
Pip and Sarah went into the back of the house to pray as i ran around with my parents and my uncle (who was here visiting last night), trying to calm grandma down, get clean towels, and make room for the paramedics who were streaming throught the door. Huge men in fire uniforms crowded around my grandpa, who was sitting on a chair in the bathroom, my mom cradling his head in her arms, pressing a cloth to his temple. She was crying.
"was he aware when you found him?"
"do you have any neck pain?"
"did you get dizzy?"
"what were you doing when you fell?"
I went back to the living room. My grandma was standing up, supported by one of the paramedics. "I know him, and i need to be in there. They would not get me up! They don't care! I need to know! They just left me here, and did what they wanted to do. I have a right! They always do this! She's so authoratative. She never listens to me. I need to talk to his doctor. i hope they're taking him to huntington. They're taking him there, right? He was a doctor there, you know. A very good one. we know a lot of doctors there. It's where we always go. Oh, Colleen! will you get me over there?"
Keep in mind, that was the condensed version.
I told her NO! we're not dealing with you right now! Please sit down and be QUIET! Then my dad came out. Grandma continued to yell at me as i walked away. I went back to the bathroom as they took him out, his head wrapped up in gauze and a brace around his neck. As they cleared the doorway, i looked into the bathroom and saw the head-shaped hole in the middle of one of the panes of glass lining the wall, cracks going out on all sides, shards and blood smeared on the floor. I could hear my grandma and my dad hollering out in the living room. Grandpa was put onto a gurney. Grandma kept yelling inanely. They covered him with a tarp so he wouldn't get wet (it was raining), and rolled him into the entryway where Grandma was waiting, trembling, with her walker.
"You come home to me, okay?" She said weakly.
He paused for a moment, his bandaged head looking up at the ceiling,"What else can I do?" he said softly back to her.
My mom bent over him and said, "I just want you to know, I love you, dad." as she kissed his cheek.
And they rolled him out.
Dad and my uncle went behind them to the hospital.
My mom made my grandma dinner, and prepared plates to take to dad &c.
Imagine grandma's fury when she found out they weren't taking him to huntington.
"It's CLOSED, grandma. They're not accepting people!"
The yelling didn't stop. My grandma went on to accuse my mother of being nasty, authoritative, selfish...I won't even write about that. I yelled too. My grandma sobbed in my mom's arms by the end of it.
Mom left. Pip and i decided to continue with our plans to meet Kristina and her friend for dinner, even though i had completely lost my appetite. Sarah stayed home to be with Grandma.

Pip and i arrived at the resteraunt about five minutes earlier than when we had decided to meet, around 8:00. So we told the hostess we'd wait for them to get there, about 5 minutes. I was still shaking, a bit bewildered and not looking forward to having to act happy to see two people i'd rather not have to deal with at the moment. But we waited. We talked. 10 minutes passed, 15, 20, 25...we tried calling her, but she didn't pick up. We told the hostess that we'd go ahead and sit down. As we sat there, Andrew called me and told me some new phrases he had learned in Italian. He was genuinely excited. It made me laugh. After about 10 more minutes we ordered food. I didn't really want to eat anything, but i also didn't want to be rude and be the only one not eating. We were at a resteraunt, after all.
When we were about half way done, and wondering if they would even come at all, they walked in the front door, and saw us. Stina walked over with a guilty smile on her face, "sorry we're late." She said.
That was all.
Stina introduced Pip to...her friend...and they sat down. We handed them menus. oh, no thanks. They were'nt going to eat, they said. There was an akward pause. I stared at my plate full of food i didn't want. "Maybe we should have met at a coffee shop or something," i stated and looked at Kristina. She shrugged, and ordered an iced tea.
The next 20 minutes were spent in scattered conversation, forced laughter, and lots of staring at food and sipping our water. I drank a lot of water.
Stina ate some of my rice and i had the rest packed up. We paid. They left. Pip and i sat there for a minute for no reason, really, and then we left.
As we drove to his house, i sat and played the night's various scenarios through my head. I worried about my grandpa. I worried about what this would mean for my family as my grandparent's can't be left alone. I thought about how tired my mom is. I worried about Kristina and her situation and tried not to think about how pissed off i was at her and instead think about how much i loved her. I worried about how behind i am in school...
Pip asked if i wanted to come in. I said sure. We goofed around on his music stuff for a while and he ate some Mochi. Around 11, i left. I think i left my food in his car.
When i got home, i helped grandma to the bathroom and had to tell her FIVE TIMES i didn't want to talk about grandpa, and the hospital, and how mean my mom was, before she finally shut up. Grandpa came home that night. With stitches and a new set of ground rules...he can't do anything without his walker anymore. No carrying things, no fiddling in the bathroom, no getting my grandma her pills...nothing. He's too unstable.
He and my mom yelled about it more this morning as she got him to wash himself. She told him she didn't care anymore if he didn't like her or not as long as he was safe. Because he should have been killed last night. "I was by the grace of God", she told him, that he got by with only four stitches and a banged up shoulder. I stayed home from church and helped her rearrange the tables to make things "walker accessible", and clean out their bathroom, do dishes, and tke care of our new dog (we got a puppy two days ago. A lovely little light in the misdt of the chaos!).
He's so sad. Just sad. Depressed. I don't blame him. He can't even do the little things anymore.
Ugh, i smell. I'm going to go take a shower.

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