Wow. i worry far too much for my own good. God knows why. It doesn't help me...or anyone else, very much.
At all.
Today was frustrating. Living here is driving me up the wall. If you could hear me right now you'd hear me going
aaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggguuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggggggggggg!
or something like that. I probably shouldn't write about it.
I don't even know if i want to write about it.
Living with two 90 year old oversized toddlers is a nightmare sometimes.
They yell and scream for no reason
They can't be left alone
They need help getting dressed
They can't walk
They need to be fed
They pee in their pants and you have to clean it up
They freak out if their surroundings change
They're always too hot or too cold
They have temper tantrums and throw things
They don't listen to reason
They have no sense of personal hygene
They have no sense of personal space
They're always always squabbling
...

poor Kristina had to be here today as a typical afternoon taking care of grandma and grandpa unfolded before me.
Let's just say it involved numerous trips up and down the attic stairs, a screaming fretful grandfather, grandma with a bladder infection, an overflowing toilet, bouts with my grandpa...which is going on right now. Everyone's yelling..............!
I think i'm losing my mind. At least i wish i was sometimes. Living here's only the half of it. it's like the icing... I don't know. I really feel like i am.
I just hate being here and i hate the state i'm in right now and i hate that i don't want to talk to anybody about it and that i've dug myself in so deep and i'm taking it out oneveryone else and i'm turning into jus tthe opposit of who i want to be or even who i was when i at least i could deal with conflict in a solid healthy way and not dwell on the garbage that is swirling inside of me and taking hold of
I probably shouldn't have written about it.

i'm so sorry i'm so negative