i wish...

i wish i could go home. not here...not anywhere on this earth. Not anywhere in this life. Day by day i am becoming increasingly aware of my place here, in this world where i live. Or, more accurately, that i don't have one. Someone said once that a real Christian has no place in this world. Recently (recently being the past few years or so), i have been experiencing a sense of mis-placement that goes far beyond "not fitting in". I'm not the most outgoing person in the world, but i have some tried and true friends. The Lord has blessed me with a beautiful life with wonderful people. Sometimes i think of this and i feel guilty for not wanting to be here...until i remember what God said (which usually helps). That Christians are aliens and strangers here...we should be in but not of the world...this life is but a fleeting moment preceding an eternal glory.
Everything tiny good and pure and lovely in this life is not even a taste of what has been prepared for each and every believer since the commencement of time.
And that is my real home.
Please bear in mind that this is not any sort of depressive funk i'm writing out of. I'm really far from unhappy.
Though sometimes i let my life in this world plagued by darkness and despair get to me. Sometimes i'll cry. Sometimes i want to shake people out of their misconceptions, their foolish notions of what makes this universe tick. That a joy greater than anything anyone can find on earth exists in simply believing. Knowing that i still have yet to go home, that there's a reason that i feel out of place. But it is a good feeling...that i have a promise given to me that is infinitely grander than any promise man can give me of happiness.
I wish i could have said that all better...i wish i was a better writer. That would be a good thing too.