Friday, April 4

it's a wonderful life that you bring. it's a wonderful thing.

So my presentation actually went pretty well this morning.

i am so so very tired today. it's my own fault, as i was up until 3am this morning doing very geeky things. i now have an alter-ego Karta Mal'kyla, a Bothan with feats of running and force-sensitivity (among other things). and i know how to handle a blaster rifle. apparently i'm lacking in charisma (bad roll...but i make up for it in dexterity).
i love being in art school.

i'm in my studio...i wish i could take a nap in my bed and then paint...but an hour of driving would not help me now i think.
i'm also hungry. but there is no food here. i just ate 6 stale pretzels and thus depleted our nutritional store entirely...there's still some coffee candy...

it's very lovely out today...i should sit in the sun for a bit before it's gone.

tomorrow night a friend of mine from school is throwing a "March Mustache Madness Retrospective" party. so that should be pretty amazing, considering the time is slated at 9pm-5am...

Pip's birthday is on Sunday (big 25)...
Edan's is on Thursday (epic 30)...
Anna just had hers on the 31st (pretty 24)...

i've been researching MFA programs...is it worth the two more years and gazillions of dollars...? i don't know. it depends...i do know i don't want to stop learning yet. and maybe someday i'll be brave enough to really see myself teaching at some point.
it's not like i have any big commitments holding me back from anything. i'm not the one getting married this summer (cough*Sarah*cough) and i'm not trying to hold down a job.
maybe i will study language and literature in Ireland...

My world is revolving to the music of Nick Cave, Beach House, Joanna Newsom (left) and The Chapin Sisters. i suppose they are all quite melancholy and/or dreamy...but that's just how i'm feeling lately. thinking a lot about running tirelessly. of skin, flying machines and soft touches. of orange flowers, love and silver leaf.

yesterday and today i have been a bit out of sorts. certain things in my life just won't let me go...i'm having a hard time being content. i hate fear because it cripples me. i hate loneliness because it drains me. i hate doubt because it makes me apathetic. i hate feeling like i'm missing something from my life because God has given me everything i need...
...but Lord what about something tangible to cling to...

for the first time i'm getting worried about where this world is going. mostly because i really want to have children someday (Lord willing) but not if things keep spiraling downward the way they are. i guess it's not up to me.

i don't know if i'll do much painting today. i'm going to force myself to do an oil sketch of Nick onto my final canvas and maybe that will get my blood flowing a bit.

i want to write a novel.

i really would like to sing a lot more.


where's my palate...



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1 comment:

Kallista Ianthe said...

Colleen,
I'm sure the Lord has something wonderful planned for your future.
Maybe he wants you to learn from this. Be patient, you will see him work.
~K