i sat for a really long time but couldn't think of a title

so so very sleepy.
i don't really have time to post right now, but i'll get backed up and everything if i don't. last sunday Bettina came out and visited. we got dinner, went to a krispy kreme drive-thru and then went to the beach to enjoy them...


Christian, Danny and Robin taking a break from painting...

the last time i posted, i wrote about going to hang out with Phill, Red and Tiffany. we watched Zatoichi the Blind Swordman and Amadeus...




So, Bettina is graduating from nursing school this summer and is applying to hospitals for work. Friday, she and i got breakfast and coffee, and then visited my aunt Alice who works at Hoag hospital. we dressed up all in scrubs (which was only fun for me, really) and got to see some amazing things. we witnessed a couple of surgeries, got to see the pathology workers and touch weird stuff, and then Alice took us to dinner with a friend. Afterward Bettina and i went to hang out with some of my amazing friends from school.















in my studio sending a picture message...

Today i barely made it to church...but i'm glad i veered right onto the 605 at the last second...because i really needed to hear the message. i really needed to hear it.
my lovely family...and lovely pregnant Ginger and Anna...and, um, whatever Alec is doing...

as usual, Caid was a little too cute for my mental health...





Puppies are growing...








aren't they beautiful?

i think it's safe to say i hit a serious physical, emotional and spiritual wall this weekend. i have felt under vicious attack in every aspect of my life...dealing with a lot of confusion, guilt, heartache and self-condemnation.
someone at church today told me that they felt a burden for me this week and had been praying for me. it meant so much...
right this moment my body and spirit feel such weariness...i don't really know how to survive the next three weeks...

i wrote this in my moleskine 5 days ago...

Lord God...
I know You won't grow weary
of me asking the same
things every day...but i will.
So please give me patience to press on...
Lord i know that You won't
give up on Your children...but
i will. So please give me Your
love and endurance.

Today i feel Bitterness and fatigue.
How do i find Your overflowing joy & peace?

Search me and teach me, today, oh Lord.
i pray Thee...

i will be saying that every day for a long time.

"...but He giveth more grace..."

at least there's that...there's always that...
oh sigh



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