Monday, May 1

I wish i could see better


I'm sitting here at school, preparing for the drive home and the long night ahead of me. There's a western movie playing on the TV.

Saturday night Pip and Jeff played a show and i got to see
  • Half Handed Cloud!
  • That was awesome. A musician named Vollmar played, too, which i also enjoyed. There's nothing like seeing any of those guys live. I bought a tour EP and was thoroughly and utterly happy about it.

    Yesterday in class (yes i was at school all day on Sunday) someone told me that when i cut my hair i should donate it. I said that that's what i was planning on doing. Lance, (my...uh...painting teacher) who was listening from the sidelines said to me:
    "You can't cut your hair! You have ONE good quality and you're going to get rid of it??" I was eating a dehydrated peach slice and i threw it at his head. Nick and Omar chuckled sympathetically. I sat down and continued my painting. A minute or so later i heard him say, "wait...that didn't come out right..." Yeah, uh-huh, thanks a LOT! I thought it was funny.

    I'm reading Lewis' "The Problem of Pain"...and I can't even express my appreciation for his wit and wisdom...one of my favorite excerpts being:

    "If you choose to say 'God can give a creature free will and at the same time withhold free will from it', you have not succeeded in saying anything about God: meaningless combinations of words do not suddenly acquire meaning simply because we prefix to them the two other words 'God can'...It is no more possible for God than for the weakest of His creatures to carry out both of two mutually exclusive alternatives; not because His power meets an obstacle, but because nonsense remains nonsense even if we talk it about God."

    Nothing is more frustrating to me these days than people who can't stand to settle for not knowing everything there is to know about anything there is a possibility of knowing anything about. One of the greatest and most beautiful things to me about God is the mystery, the trust i have to have in Him, the impossibility of my own insignificant little life that He chooses to let go on anyway. I guess it's just insecurity...some man just knocked another guy into a water trough on TV.

    It's a fantastic book. I've felt so chaotic lately...and right now i'm so tired. It's nice to be able to settle into something with a ring of truth and some semblance or real divine inspiration. It's like taking a cold shower after a long hard day in the dirt. I felt the same way when i read "Walking on Water", by Madeleine L'Engle. It was as if i had just sat down with her and told her all the stuff i had been thinking about and struggling with, and she knew exactly how to encourage me. Exactly how to reassure the things i was doubting in myself. It was a little bit like i sat down with God Himself. He really blessed those two authors with extraordinary gifts.

    Well, i'm fading. i almost don't even want to push the "publish" button because i feel like i'm writing like a drunk elephant who just inhaled too much clove oil and paint thinner...well, part of that is actually true.

    Laurel, dear, i am praying for you...

    2 comments:

    acacia said...

    Colleen, your one of my favorite people ever. "writing like a drunk elephant....." hahhahhahaha.

    Your prayers for Laurel have been answered, she emailed me today. Thanks for loving her and praying for her.

    I hope to see you soon.

    Sare said...

    you should write like a drunk elephant more often.

    by the by, I love love that quote too.
    I read it outloud to mum and daddy just the other night.
    My copy of TPOP is marked all over the inside... his books are so quoteable.
    I love that such amazing truth is but a dim shadow of God's person.