i have a new phone

so you can call me now :)

yeah i could use a beer.

at first, i thought it might be kind of cool and freeing to be without a cell phone for a few days.


no.
no no no.

it wouldn't be so bad if i was in pasadena, because at least my family would be there, along with the house phone. but instead i'm in laguna beach, living by myself, without even a land line phone, and no internet access (i have it right now b/c i'm in my studio)...only being able to get in touch with people where there is a hot spot or i can find someone to let me use their phone. aaagh it's terrible! i don't know what i'm going to do tomorrow...someone i know is having a party...how will i co-ordinate anything?? what if no one can find where i am??
i'm feeling physically anxious right now. good grief look what technology had done to me!!

i'm all salty because waves attacked me today. Danny and i went plein air painting on the beach. and i sat on a really big rock and did a stinky little painting that got so wet i couldn't use the oil paint anymore. but it was really lovely. we visited a guy named john who has birds. Danny is kind of in love with parrots and cockatoos. this guy here that he's so involved with is named Harley...

Harley spent years living in an Albertson's truck, so he will randomly spout off on tyrades, saying..."the engine won't start! the truck's not going anywhere!" or "damn pedestrians!" mostly, while Danny and i were with him, he said "sup, bird" and mumbled in gibberish that was so ridiculous, Danny and i doubled in laughter.

then we went painting.

feet

as you know, yesterday i went to the norton simon and then mes amis came over for dinner.

here are alec, liz, tiffany and elizabeth all looking at books over dessert...today is Liz's birthday, and everyone's gathering together or something so i'm going to finish her card and head over in about 15 minutes.

oh sigh
i'm very restless and discontent right now. somebody slap me. no seriously, if you see me freaking beat me up!!! it'll make me feel better!


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new blog

hey. i started a new blog just for my artwork...

colleen police art works

right now i'm just posting a bunch of old stuff, and will be building up to my newer pieces.

speaking of which, i have a new drawing...i did this while i was watching Caid on monday...

drawing a 2 and-a-half year old is not an easy thing to do. so i tried to do most of it while he was eating. there are some areas i need to refine, darken the hair...it's not a perfect likeness yet...

you can see Caid's little contribution in the lower left hand corner...

it's a lot less horribly hot, i'm going to the Norton Simon with some friends today, then they're coming for dinner. so those are all good things :)



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sometimes i amaze even myself

this afternoon i was working outside hammering and drilling a big ol planter together. i was feeling particularly pleased with my macho-ness, especially when sarah said i looked "tough".
as you know, it has been obscenely hot. so at one point, (as i am wont to do) i got so sweaty i could hardly see what i was doing. so i ran to the pool, kicked off my rainbows and dove fully clothed into the water. it was heavenly. amazing. divine.
i swam a few laps and began thinking "hm. it's a good thing i don't have anything important in my shorts."
it was then, in the middle of the deep-end, that i realized my cell phone was still in my back pocket.
i plunged my hand down into the water, snatched it out and yelled "CRAP!!" and swam back to the shallow end holding it pathetically over my head.

i disassembled it and laid it in the sun, as they tell you to do when you "get your phone wet"...
now when i put it together it makes little crackly noises...and that's about it. :(

so if you try and call me i probably won't answer for a while.

yep. hello, colleen.


~~~~~~~~

just try not to smile

reacting to the tv...
























cheeks


























love this one

i also hate not being able to sleep!!!!!

waiting to be lifted

i really hate depression. it sucks the joy out of everything.


ha ha.

(no really, i thought that was kind of funny, you know.....cause it goes without saying.........oh nevermind)





but seriously i hate it.

~

i can't sleep. i'm so tired, but my head is reeling...i'm anxious for so so much. scared, worried, without comfort despite God's promises.
"stubbornly fearful", as i wrote earlier.

my spirit is so burdened...

sometimes it just feels unbearable. because all i can do is lie there. i would write, but it would just be redundant and frustrating. i would run, but it's dark. i would read, but i can't focus. so i pray. which helps more than anything.

oh sigh.

saw iron man tonight (technically last night). it was excellent. gp floyd came with us...he really liked it.


i hope everyone is hanging in there alright.
drop me a line sometime.

love, me.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i painted today

so that's pretty fantastic.

Laurel.


Me.

Dad painting.

Chad at the home-made salad bar

Puppies getting big.



last night i got to see Tiffany Elizabeth and Red, drink some wine, peruse illustration magazines, look at weird things, and watch Harold and Maude...which was excellent (suddenly Wes Anderson makes a little more sense), but totally depressed me.



Tiffany is a bit obsessed with Bud Cort




those two are just unspeakably cute.

~
~
~

i sat on a bench at the beach this evening eating butternut squash soup and watching the sun set. some people were throwing the frisbee around not too far from me. i had to toss it back to them twice. it was beautiful. the air was cool, the colors were amazing. i read a little bit. i'm almost half way through The Count of Monte Cristo. and Amy Carmichael is awesome. (speaking of which, Kallista, i have a book i want to give you. maybe two.)
it was a little lonely, too. nothing like sitting by the shore on a lovely summer evening to make you wish there was someone next to you...

so, here's the low-down. i have decided that my life is out of my hands. i should have done this 25 years ago. i'll probably try to yank it back the moment i wake up in the morning, but it's a start.

i think maybe i'll paint just a little more before i leave. then it's time to PAAAARTY!!!!!
just kidding.
sort of.

;)



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