Where there's smoke...

Driving into Laguna today was like driving into a war zone. The hills flanking the 241 are blackened and scorched, and the sky is filled with billows of dark smoke in shades of gray orange and brown. Many of my friends have had to be evacuated, and those who haven't, like Edan, just watch from their apartments as the landscape surrounding them is devoured by flames.

NASA satellite photo

My camera is still being fixed.

Disneyland yesterday was lovely:) The combination of it being a Tuesday, and extremely hot with the air permeated with smoke resulted in a very empty, relatively quiet and low-key day at the park. Edan met us there, which was awesome, and we spent the latter part of the afternoon and into the evening there. i got an annual pass for my birthday...so that excites me beyond description.

Last night Sarah and i watched some Walker and as i was falling asleep in the guest room she came in and we snuggled and prayed together. What did i do to deserve her? To deserve any of the amazing people and things in my life? To be able to go running in the morning with my mom, eat homemade apple pie for breakfast, go to the grocery store and within minutes have pretty much anything i want and need. This morning as i showered i thought about how most of the people in the world don't have the luxury of being able to simply make themselves clean every day.

i try not to feel guilty and instead be thankful...but sometimes it overwhelms me.

And it is all so fleeting...this little fantasy world called America.
As the numerous fires sweep through Southern California and destroy every material thing some people have i am forced to consider what is really of worth. What if everything i had was gone in a blazing instant...forget my dvds, clothes, all the "stuff"...i mean my pictures, sketchbooks, my journals chronicling my growing up since i was 9 years old...my heart almost stops when i think about it. And i can't think about it...it's too terrifying...but what if that did happen?

i don't know where this is going...i kind of just started typing and off i went.

i'm confused about my artwork and what to do with my life. with people. with my burdens. i think my focus is changing. i'm not even sure what that means, but i know it's true.

Lord will You please tell me what i'm supposed to do?



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