Hold you head up you silly girl ...

look what you've done
When you find yourself in the thick of it
Help yourself to a bit of what is all around you
Silly girl

take a good look around you

I've had that song stuck in my head for days now.

Wow. I'm very tired. But i'm happy.
For the first time in a few months i can honestly say that i'm okay with what's going on in my life right now. A few months from now...?
We'll see. But this is good for me! Despite the weirdness inside of me, i'm learning ever so slowly to accept what providence brings my way. Otherwise, i'm just a miserable, brooding lump of crap. And it's totally my fault, which is so frustrating.
Do you know how selfish i've been with everyone around me...including myself? It sickens me. The way i expressed my anger, the way i neglected relationships, the way i thought i was a hopeless case.
Unfortunately, i still try to justify my behavior in so many ways...but the truth is, there's so much i was...am...still not willing to do to remedy the darkness in me.
I think part of it is that i'm having a hard time telling people what's really wrong with me. I'm not even sure myself...it's so strange. I realized i have to stop dwelling on it. Thinking about all the things that are wrong with me are not going to bring me to any new or enlightened understanding of my self. Not ever.
I'm not quite sure why i wrote this. I guess i'm just so fed up with only writing when i'm upset. It's not a good reflection on me, or the Lord, and on what He's doing in my life and the lives of those around me. I pray i can do better.
I can always do better!