The page is not only blank...it's NONEXISTENT! Nada! Absolutamente NADA!

I know i haven't actually written in a while. You would think that after years and years of being someone who writes and journals and tries to keep track of every iota of her life (and often of others) i would have overcome the plight of procrastination. Alas, no. But i might as well start somewhere...

Sarah's off helping Alec paint. I'm in my kitchen typing as the smell of baking banana bread waftes over me (is that a word? and if it is is that how you spell it?) My parents get back from Arizona this evening and i thought i would take the crummy old bananas and make them into a bread (made with special Oat Flour for my dad) for them when they get home. I've kind of been on a baking kick. While i mixed everything together i had an episode of "Roswell" playing on my laptop. Amaris has lent me all 3 seasons in an attempt to brainwash me into liking crappy sci-fi teen TV shows. I think it's working. She told me that she will give me Buffy next and i am very scared...

While i was at Disneyland on Sunday a truly devastating thing happened to me...and anyone who knows me will understand the extent of the tragedy of this situation.

It all started on Star Tours. On the little screen the big/little alien guy put his parcel in the conveniently placed basket under the seat, prompting the viewer to do so in like fasion. I complied with a giddy Disneyland-induced grin and stowed my purse accordingly. In an instant of a second or two many things happened, my bag tipped over, i realized it was open, and my phone fell out. So i did the obvious...i righted the bag, replaced the phone and snapped the top shut. All i had left to do now was prepare for the wonders of x-wings, ice comets and light speed...

After lunch, Space mountain, Indiana Jones, skipping and lots of people in marilyn manson costumes, i heard something funny. Actually, it didn't even necessarily have to be funny...maybe it was poingant, moving or something i wanted to look up later...at any rate, i reacted the way my instincts and my personality have trained me...to grab for my moleskine and write it down. I opened my bag and reached right where it should have been...in front of my book and planner, and behind my wallet, camera and ibuprofen.
it wasn't there.

Assuming that i had perhaps thrown it in carelessly last time i used it, i shuffled around, even looking in the other pocket (where it has never, ever been before).

nothing. just pens, pencils and chapstick.

i paused...

i looked again.

nothing.

i know it sounds a bit dramatic to say that for a moment my life flashed before my eyes, but that's because you don't know what this little black book is to me. It is quotes, poems, inspirations, sermons, sketches, books to read, cd's to buy, movies to see, stories, scriptures, people, places, prayers, things i don't want to forget...



gone.

While everyone concentrated on their greasy pizza and $8.00 wilty salads my thoughts returned to earlier in the day...back to Star Tours. It HAD to have fallen out when my bag tipped over, and i hadn't even checked to see if anything else had escaped my bag before returning my attention to a grainy old moving picture on a screen i'd seen at least 45 times already.

I didn't say anything for a while.

Later in the evening after a couple of people had left, i let slip what had happened. So while Liz and Elizabeth "ran amok" in the park, Edan and i went on a wild goose chase to find my little book. Back to the ride, over to City Hall, across the park to the lost and found...nothing. But we all met up again and went on with the day...including Splash Mountain, Pirates, a crazy scared guy (a whole other story that i may just have to type up), Haunted Mansion, Tower of Terror and a caramel apple.

Hours later, as Liz and Edan stood by a tree at 11 pm and i checked the L&F once again...there was no sign of it. I filed a report, begged them to keep looking for it, got a business card with the L&F number on it, and went back to where my friends were waiting. They were sitting on the ground wearily smoking cigarettes and looked at me expectantly..."They don't have it," i said with a sigh, and sat down.
"I'm so sorry about your book," said Liz.
"Oh, it's okay," i replied, trying to smile. "If it's supposed to come back to me it will. My name and number are on the inside of it so hopefully if someone did find it they'll return it to me."

~~~

Well, not yet. I figure if it was picked up by someone, they're having a great time reading all my nonsense. I'm just praying that as soon as they're done they'll find it in their heart to call me and make me very very happy. Until then, i'm having a hard time trying to decide if i should get a new one...it just doesn't seem right! The other wasn't finished! It still had life left!
it's driving me crazy, as you can see.


This week has been an all-around tumultuous one, really.
I dyed half of my hair a few days ago, so that's exciting. When i went running yesterday i had blue-green trails of sweat running down my chest and back.

My poor, poor book. I've called the park twice and no one has turned it in. It's frustrating to know that it's out there somewhere and someone has it and i don't know where it is...it's weird and amazing and aggravating. I wish i could remember everything that was in there...but that's why i wrote it all down...

It's windy outside, it looks like it should be about 60 degrees, but if i go out the door i'll be hit with air around 85. Lord, will you let it rain soon? It's so dry...

To end on a light note...i have included this for your bizarre pleasure!...





love, colleen
~~~~~~~