It's taken me a long time to post this.

I'm
excited
afraid
apprehensive
restless
curious
tired
confused
sensitive
numb
hopeful
hopeless
resting
flying
falling
helpless
fearing
wondering
etc.

all at this very moment. It's been a strangely uneventul yet agonizingly trying couple of weeks. I'm so freaked out...yet anxious for, the day i'll boil over. which could mean many things. It has the potential to be a disaster or a blessing...depending on the developing state of my heart.
sooooooooooooo much happening...in so many lives around me...and i'm still waiting for mine to get started.
Birth, death, marriage, success, failure, change.
Do i look forward to change? i think so. i know so...

I'm afraid. The enemy is hounding me...in the last week i've felt it ever more strongly. I'm not afraid of him...i'm past that now. What am i afraid of...? I'm afraid of giving him victory.
It's hard when so many people don't know what's really going on with you...and they all think you're okay...because that's what you always tell them.

I don't ask this very often...but Please please pray for me.