Sunday, July 31

last day of July- work in one hour

So as of today...i have about 3 weeks until i move down to start at Laguna. wow. As is often the case with my emotions pertaining to big events like this, in the last 4 months i've gone from ecstatic (when i found out i was accepted), to terrified, to anticipatory, to proud, to joyful, to completely numb, to uncertain, to nervous...aaaaand now back to terrified, again! Joy! talk about a wild ride...

The approaching start of a new chapter in my life, however, has unfortunately been plagued with old weights, insecurities and proverbial thorns (though at times i swear they are real) that cloud my vision almost to the point of panic. Such drastic shifts in my relationships, interests and prospects have made me question so much about myself...and i'm feeling less ready to go off and begin the next leg of my lifelong journey now then i did back in March.

One of the hardest things about this is that some of the most important people in my life (and to some extent nearly everyone else, as well) have no idea what is really going's just so hard to disappoint the people you love.
Sometimes i wonder if "being strong" is just a form of weakness because you're too afraid of everyone knowing how you really feel.

In which case i'm not sure what the heck i am...thank the Lord he knows, anyway. even if i don't.