Tonight was amazing. Instead of a bible study, which we usually have on Friday nights, we decided to just have a prayer meeting because so many people were out of town for the holiday weekend. So it was 4 of my friends, my sister, my cousin, my parents, and two other people from my church, and we all shared our requests with each other.
Everyone, of course had something to share. No life is without some need.
It took some mustering up of courage on my part, but I finally told them about my struggles I've been having with the Lord. How I need to pray more, how I need God to be more real to me, because when I'm apart from Him, I'm at my worst. I've been very depressed the past few months...maybe years...I can't even remember when i wasn't, really. I do know it's gotten worse...and i know it's because I've been neglecting my walk with Jesus. Thank God i have such a wonderful family and amazing friends that share such a fire for the Lord's will in their lives.
And they all prayed for me, and I praised God for just letting me be there, so I could ask for their help, and so He could enter in and cover me with His love. it was wondeful. I pray the world will come to know what peace and hope the Lord can bring into the darkest of hearts.
And mine was so dark. I'm ashamed to say it. You know when you feel so angry and sad and despairing that you feel dirty inside? That was me...heck it still is me. I'm just so glad I can look to something besides myself to pick me up out of the filthy hole I've found myself in. It will take a while. I need the Lord's help so badly. It won't be easy. I need His strength.
Sigh. What a strange thing...to be so loved yet feel so hateful towards yourself all the same. It will be nice if someday I can look at myself and be glad with the person God has made me.
keeping you updated since 2004.
1 comment:
Hey Colleen- God is Awesome! It's so good to hear that the other night was so powerful for you- I thought it was really amazing as well. Even thought we didn't have an actual study, I felt that the night was one of the most powerful ones I've had with the group. It was great to open up and pray for each other! Thanks for opening up, Colleen- it was awesome.
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