Hans and Jane Celebrate Mabon, part 1

Once, in a quiet green country next to an old, old forest, there was a little mouse named Hans.
Now Hans was so very unspectacular that there really is no good reason to write about him. He was a bit small (even for mouse) and kept his little home very tidy. The latter is worth mentioning because most mice are very messy; letting food fall and scatter where it may, and worse, not even having a separate room for grooming!--and other, ah, more private activities. He lived in a little wooden box next to a field, and was very comfortable; yes, quite content.
Indeed, up until the day of which i am writing, one could say that the most extraordinary thing Hans ever did was to sleep too long one Wednesday and miss his morning stretch.
Today, however (unbeknownst to him), would be different. He awoke with the dawn, and performed his exercises in the pure light of a new day. He made use of a few drops of dew to wash his coat, and carried two more inside with him. One to drink with his breakfast, and the other for when Jane came over. Jane was his particular friend, who could be also described as peculiar, for she enjoyed painting.
She arrived promptly at 8:15, carrying a ripe raspberry. Hans squeaked in delight and they both went inside to enjoy their now much-improved meal. They sat at a little flat rock that served excellently as a table. Jane told Hans about the things she had seen on her way over, about the leaves on the trees starting to turn gold and scarlet (she always used very exciting names for colors), and how she climbed into a briar to pick the very last berry she could see (she was also very thoughtful).
"Did you know," said Jane, "that today is the first day of autumn?"
"Is it?" replied Hans. "I hadn't realized that it had come so soon!" Jane always remembered these things.
She took a sip of her water. "The year has gone by rather quickly."
Hans nodded, his mouth full of raspberry.
"What do you suppose we should do?" She asked.
Hans swallowed. "Do?"
"Of course! It's Mabon Day! We should celebrate." She studied his lack of enthusiasm. "Last year you insisted on dusting. I couldn't even get you outside."
Hans stared at his paws, "Well, it was important," he replied feebly.
"Not this year," said Jane. "This year i have something planned."
Hans thought of all the things that would have to be put off until tomorrow. "Alright," he said, doing his best to sound positive. "But first let me clean up breakfast."
"Oh good good!" Jane hopped up and began to clear the little table immediately.


~

see here

Loveliest sister

I've been helping Wren teach her art classes...it's fantastic. Most of the actual teaching is done with the older kids, but here are some pictures of the kindergarteners...








~~~

#1 worst feeling in the world:

disappointing people.

i'm deeply sorry to the people i have let down recently...
Pip, Bettina, Jeff (Bishop), Sarah and Alec, my mom, Andrew, Katie, and all those whom i have bailed on and failed to get in touch with.
i love you SO SO much...i don't take you for granted...and i wanted you all to know that. i owe you all my right arm for putting up with me.

love, colleen

ps...getting sick is no fun either...maybe the #9 worst feeling. i'm sorry for everyone who's sick. you probably got it from me when i sneezed 200 mph last night.

~

avid sister

i'm at Video Symphony with sarah, keeping her company while she works on the editing equipment in preparation to start classes again next week. she is putting together the wedding video, which looks great so far...
so i brought books...and stuff to write...and fruity gum to chew on...

tomorrow i'm driving down to San Diego to go to the Street Scene, and i am immensely excited. i'll be dead tired, but that's okay. i was also supposed to see Goldfrapp on sunday but i don't have $45 for a ticket. :(

hmmm hmm. isn't she the most loveliest? i mean Sarah, of course

i like just being near her. not seeing her a lot makes me want to always hug her and tap her and tell her random things when i'm able to have 5 minutes alone with her. kind of like i want to do right now...but i have to let her work so SHHHHH be quiet! you're so annoying. geez.

~~~

Lord, sometimes....sometimes a day will be so bizarre, so surprising, and so terribly unpleasant i just have to laugh about it because it could only have come from You.
well...i'm not laughing quite yet...i still kind of feel run over by a truck.
but i'll get there eventually.


~

Ants are evil creatures

telepictionary with my friends in laguna is quite fun :)
(9.8.08)












and, a little trip down memory lane.
i posted this 4 years ago today...remember grandma and grandpa?

~

how can people just cut you out of their life
like cutting a branch from a tree

and go on
like nothing they said or did ever mattered


like they never said i love you


like you never shared anything


as if you never even existed



~

sometimes life is like singing
sometimes you sit and people watch


and sometimes you're just barely hanging in there



~

caid n pip

two of the loves of my life...
hypnotized by Avatar...





zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

roozez

inchworm























narwahl!!










my friend alina trying to stand in my pathetic little 2-inch heels. psh. russian lesbians...




















me

starbucks has been spelling my name right lately...what does it MEAN??

so. my day so far.

this morning Dee decided to wake up at 6:30...it's a good thing i'm a light sleeper!! :D (:P)

i gave her a shower, made breakfast, and spent the rest of the morning finishing packing her suitcase and cleaning up the house (she's leaving with her family to go to a wedding for 4 days)

i then drove back to orange and saw a movie by myself. a rare thing that i enjoy immensely.

right now i am sitting in a starbucks. there is (are?) a man and a woman about 10 feet away who are gossiping and saying the f-word about every 8 seconds.
i'm really hungry but i kind of regret buying a cheese danish instead of going next door to get a salad.
coffee is good.
about 6 inches from my hand is Breaking Dawn...of which i have only a few more chapters. i have been putting off reading them for days!!!
well, because that's what i do.
oh thank God...the couple left.
anyway, i don't know if i can bring myself to completely finish the book.
because.

when i leave here i'm going to my apartment to pack and clean for a few hours. i've been procrastinating like crazy moving out...i really need to get on it...
then this evening i'm back to laguna to see some friends and show them an impromptu movie that we made last month that i edited together. so that should be fun :)
now that i have my camera back (mom and dad took it with them to hawaii) there will be more pictures. promise.

i thought i was going to be all mopey today because...well, to be honest, i've been really sad and lonely :D
...but it's been alright! probably because i've kept myself from thinking too hard.
very healthy.

anyway, now that in a hyper moment of writing (thank you caffeine) i've given out way too much information, i will go. the danish is calling me; and i have a book to finish.

maybe.


~~~~

hmm hmm

hi. i'm in laguna niguel again...i have to go pick up Dee from her physical therapy pretty soon, but i thought i'd just write a little bit about what i've been up to. in general, lots of driving, talking and making stuff. not enough sleeping...especially when dancing at the Echo on sunday night to Morrisey...hooray for Smith's night!!
i started 2 new paintings...one of my sister, and a landscape for my uncle tom.
listening to lots of music...beach house (of course), and a few mixes people have given me. thank you alec and pip.
sarah alec and i watched the first 2 harry potter movies b/c alec had never seen them...that was pretty fun. i hadn't seen them in years...
last night was the first UCLA game in the Rose Bowl and i could hear people screaming and cheering while i was in my bedroom with the fan on. the fireworks pretty much scared Maela half to death...
kristina and i made pickles on saturday...they should be ready in just over a week!
i can't wait for the weather to get cold. we've had a pretty mild summer, so it'll be a while i'm guessing. bummer.
yesterday i went to Alec and Sarah's and sare made belgian waffles.
been doing okay...still waiting to hear back about a job prospect. there are some commissions i may have coming up that i'm excited about.

okay that's all for now :)


~~~~~

morning coffee

hello there. it is a cool overcast morning in Laguna Niguel, and i'm drinking coffee...my new addiction. when i started hanging out with my friends last fall, they all went out for coffee all the time, and though i wasn't much of a fan, i went along. within a couple of weeks i remember thinking "hmm, this stuff isn't so bad" and i would order a small one. little did i know that by the next summer i would get major headaches and not be able to fully open my eyes without it!! oh cursed caffeine dependency...
anyway, i just left Dee's this morning. i'll take care of her nest week too, i'm pretty sure. my friend Katie Schmid came to take my place around 8am, so i got to talk to her for a little while. and that was wonderful. she is going to Italy in october and i am exceedingly jealous...

i'm kind of low lately. which i hate because i so badly want to be happy...the Lord is doing so much. but with specific situations just continuing to cause emotional pain and these stupid stupid dreams i keep having...i just can't let things go. last night i prayed that i could just let Jesus have these burdens...these thorns...and that (and 2 tylenol pm) helped me fall asleep a little bit better. i don't remember what i dreamed...yet...

i'm hoping to see my friend Drea today, who is dealing with some major struggles herself. i hope she will somehow come to see who God really is in her life through what she is dealing with. that He's not just some distant, apathetic spirit in the sky that doesn't care what you do with yourself as long as you are a "good person"...

i was also invited to an afternoon gathering at a nude beach. we'll see about that :P

~

i think that one of the most important things i have learned in the last month or so is that it is okay in life to fail at something...as long as it was something you were called by the Lord to do. i think of Amaris and the desperate situation she has been in for the last year...all the saturday morning women's prayer meetings where she would come and ask that somehow the Lord would tell her what to do with herself, so that she could make a living, pay her bills, just get by...
and week after week, month after month, nothing would happen. she wasn't making enough money at her job, she was feeling unfulfilled, and God seemed to be ignoring her.
a couple of months ago, she felt that the Lord was pulling her to move to the east coast. she felt it so strongly, that she put in her 2 weeks notice at Nickelodeon, moved out of her photography studio, moved out of her apartment, and planned to fly out within the month and be an assistant to an artist in conneticut.
but then, just before she was supposed to leave, she found out that what she was going to be doing in CT was not only completely different than she thought, but she wasn't going to be paid for it. moving suddenly became impossible...and now she was homeless, jobless, and without a place to make her artwork.
she was in near despair.
she thought that she was doing what God wanted.
why would He give her a calling, make her follow it, and then yank it out from under her feet??

to make a long story short...not only has she gotten her job back, but she received a totally unexpected promotion, is doing something much more involved, and is for the first time in her life, able to pay her bills. and she is writing her book, taking her pictures...and now just needs a place to live she she can move out of her mom's house. and she isn't worried...she is excited to see where the Lord is going to put her.
and if she hadn't followed His voice...and "failed" none of it would have happened.

it really cements the idea that God is writing a story for us...all we see is the conflict, the suspense, the doubt. there is no way to flip to the end and see how all the loose ends are tied together.

i thought that was cool.
~

mom and dad are in Hawaii for the week, so when i get home this evening i get to have the house to myself...partaay! aaawww yeah!!

last night Radiohead played at the Hollywood Bowl. a few of my friends have already updated their facebook statuses to reflect how ****ing amazing it was...
i will see them again. someday. i will!!!
for now i'll just content myself with Beach House and Pip's lovely music.
i really want to make more music.
i can't wait to start some portraits!

my coffee is almost gone...and i just spilled some on my computer...which i think is my cue to go and make something of myself.
first things first...i'm going to a bookstore to buy Breaking Dawn. don't judge me. you know that deep down you think Britney Spears is catchy.

well. aren't you glad that you sat and read all these ramblings?? don't you feel so much more smarter (grammatical error=on purpose) and aware of the world??
oh good. then my job here is done.


~~~~

my brain is trying to subvert me

know what i get tired of?
making a willful, concerted effort at trying to put burdensome, distracting, saddening things out of my mind all day...keeping busy to avoid idleness...praying and reading at night until i can't keep my eyes open to keep from dwelling on said things (which, at times, takes hours)...only to have them permeate my dreams at night.
so it's all i can think about the next day...as i ponder the multitudes of images and interactions i so vividly experienced while asleep.

maybe i'm doing something wrong. :\


~

some things last a long time

Saying good-bye to Phill...









Having coffee wednesday morning with tiffany and liz, after finishing with Dee...tiffany had just taken phill to the airport. so he's officially gone now.
























dinner with my wonderful friend nick, who is leaving in a few weeks to go to italy for a year...



























i have beach house stuck in my head.

~~

the prayer of my heart

i don't know what it is.
but spending 48 hours straight devoting every ounce of your energy in servitude to someone in need--kind of makes things fall into perspective--what is really important? what am i devoting my time to?
as you make somone food
as you wash their body
change their clothes
give them company
lift when you are exhausted
rise when you need to sleep

simply smile

in spite of fatigue...
you feel a longing to be someone like this all the time
to serve
to devote
to sacrifice your self


you want to be someone who was as the Lord was

He has done all this and infinitely more for every single living person
He continues to do it every day

wash us
feed us
lift us
speak to us

it's a trick to think we can't do the same...that we're just not capable.
it's what we are here for.

there is no other satisfaction

~~~