why i have disappeard...

~well, of course, there's the fact that i've been out of town a lot...retreats and stuff...
~holidays
~people visiting (memphis, san diego, richmond)
~healing from surgery (not moving around a lot for a while)
~looking for work (boooo)
~doing commissions (no spare time whatsoever)
~finding work (yaaaay)
~doctor's appointments (far, far away)
~preparing to move in the near future
~lots of praying (my strength)
~lots of writing (my stability)
~lots of reading (my sanity)
~trying to be with my family (we all need mutual support)
~sleeping (not staying up too late)
~exercising
~driving (everywhere. constantly.)
~planning trips for the fall
~SAVING $MONEY$ (very bad for social life)
~student loans and medical bills (very bad for saving money)
~getting ready for Laura's wedding

-shopping
-practicing song
-shopping
-chauffering bridesmaids
-flowers
-drinking coffee
-rehearsals

~TOMORROW is Laura and Thad's WEDDING
~dealing with my mentalness
~dealing with uncertainties
~next week...dealing with everything resulting from this stuff! :D

but it's been good to be busy.

maybe soon i'll see my friends again. super! call me.

~

i said y'all today

i've been in memphis for 3.5 days and i'm picking up an accent. hm.

it is cold and wintery...and the messages and fellowship have been wonderful. i can't believe i'm already going home tomorrow.

~

i can't find my camera

the black hole of my house has claimed another somewhat irreplaceable (considering there were pictures on it), and very expensive victim. it's been 2 weeks and i'm kind of going nuts without it...the clouds and trees on my street have been so BEAUTIFUL!! :(

sighhhhhhhhh


in the meantime, i want a cat with a neurological disorder.

description: "this is my cat bebe...he's a little on the handicapped side"


~

wurking

Just pausing from drawing train orthographics to say hi...


"hi."
(i woke up with my hair this way and have been completely unsuccessful in taming it. oh well.)

roozez

inchworm























narwahl!!










my friend alina trying to stand in my pathetic little 2-inch heels. psh. russian lesbians...




















me

hmm hmm

hi. i'm in laguna niguel again...i have to go pick up Dee from her physical therapy pretty soon, but i thought i'd just write a little bit about what i've been up to. in general, lots of driving, talking and making stuff. not enough sleeping...especially when dancing at the Echo on sunday night to Morrisey...hooray for Smith's night!!
i started 2 new paintings...one of my sister, and a landscape for my uncle tom.
listening to lots of music...beach house (of course), and a few mixes people have given me. thank you alec and pip.
sarah alec and i watched the first 2 harry potter movies b/c alec had never seen them...that was pretty fun. i hadn't seen them in years...
last night was the first UCLA game in the Rose Bowl and i could hear people screaming and cheering while i was in my bedroom with the fan on. the fireworks pretty much scared Maela half to death...
kristina and i made pickles on saturday...they should be ready in just over a week!
i can't wait for the weather to get cold. we've had a pretty mild summer, so it'll be a while i'm guessing. bummer.
yesterday i went to Alec and Sarah's and sare made belgian waffles.
been doing okay...still waiting to hear back about a job prospect. there are some commissions i may have coming up that i'm excited about.

okay that's all for now :)


~~~~~

morning coffee

hello there. it is a cool overcast morning in Laguna Niguel, and i'm drinking coffee...my new addiction. when i started hanging out with my friends last fall, they all went out for coffee all the time, and though i wasn't much of a fan, i went along. within a couple of weeks i remember thinking "hmm, this stuff isn't so bad" and i would order a small one. little did i know that by the next summer i would get major headaches and not be able to fully open my eyes without it!! oh cursed caffeine dependency...
anyway, i just left Dee's this morning. i'll take care of her nest week too, i'm pretty sure. my friend Katie Schmid came to take my place around 8am, so i got to talk to her for a little while. and that was wonderful. she is going to Italy in october and i am exceedingly jealous...

i'm kind of low lately. which i hate because i so badly want to be happy...the Lord is doing so much. but with specific situations just continuing to cause emotional pain and these stupid stupid dreams i keep having...i just can't let things go. last night i prayed that i could just let Jesus have these burdens...these thorns...and that (and 2 tylenol pm) helped me fall asleep a little bit better. i don't remember what i dreamed...yet...

i'm hoping to see my friend Drea today, who is dealing with some major struggles herself. i hope she will somehow come to see who God really is in her life through what she is dealing with. that He's not just some distant, apathetic spirit in the sky that doesn't care what you do with yourself as long as you are a "good person"...

i was also invited to an afternoon gathering at a nude beach. we'll see about that :P

~

i think that one of the most important things i have learned in the last month or so is that it is okay in life to fail at something...as long as it was something you were called by the Lord to do. i think of Amaris and the desperate situation she has been in for the last year...all the saturday morning women's prayer meetings where she would come and ask that somehow the Lord would tell her what to do with herself, so that she could make a living, pay her bills, just get by...
and week after week, month after month, nothing would happen. she wasn't making enough money at her job, she was feeling unfulfilled, and God seemed to be ignoring her.
a couple of months ago, she felt that the Lord was pulling her to move to the east coast. she felt it so strongly, that she put in her 2 weeks notice at Nickelodeon, moved out of her photography studio, moved out of her apartment, and planned to fly out within the month and be an assistant to an artist in conneticut.
but then, just before she was supposed to leave, she found out that what she was going to be doing in CT was not only completely different than she thought, but she wasn't going to be paid for it. moving suddenly became impossible...and now she was homeless, jobless, and without a place to make her artwork.
she was in near despair.
she thought that she was doing what God wanted.
why would He give her a calling, make her follow it, and then yank it out from under her feet??

to make a long story short...not only has she gotten her job back, but she received a totally unexpected promotion, is doing something much more involved, and is for the first time in her life, able to pay her bills. and she is writing her book, taking her pictures...and now just needs a place to live she she can move out of her mom's house. and she isn't worried...she is excited to see where the Lord is going to put her.
and if she hadn't followed His voice...and "failed" none of it would have happened.

it really cements the idea that God is writing a story for us...all we see is the conflict, the suspense, the doubt. there is no way to flip to the end and see how all the loose ends are tied together.

i thought that was cool.
~

mom and dad are in Hawaii for the week, so when i get home this evening i get to have the house to myself...partaay! aaawww yeah!!

last night Radiohead played at the Hollywood Bowl. a few of my friends have already updated their facebook statuses to reflect how ****ing amazing it was...
i will see them again. someday. i will!!!
for now i'll just content myself with Beach House and Pip's lovely music.
i really want to make more music.
i can't wait to start some portraits!

my coffee is almost gone...and i just spilled some on my computer...which i think is my cue to go and make something of myself.
first things first...i'm going to a bookstore to buy Breaking Dawn. don't judge me. you know that deep down you think Britney Spears is catchy.

well. aren't you glad that you sat and read all these ramblings?? don't you feel so much more smarter (grammatical error=on purpose) and aware of the world??
oh good. then my job here is done.


~~~~

sometimes i amaze even myself

this afternoon i was working outside hammering and drilling a big ol planter together. i was feeling particularly pleased with my macho-ness, especially when sarah said i looked "tough".
as you know, it has been obscenely hot. so at one point, (as i am wont to do) i got so sweaty i could hardly see what i was doing. so i ran to the pool, kicked off my rainbows and dove fully clothed into the water. it was heavenly. amazing. divine.
i swam a few laps and began thinking "hm. it's a good thing i don't have anything important in my shorts."
it was then, in the middle of the deep-end, that i realized my cell phone was still in my back pocket.
i plunged my hand down into the water, snatched it out and yelled "CRAP!!" and swam back to the shallow end holding it pathetically over my head.

i disassembled it and laid it in the sun, as they tell you to do when you "get your phone wet"...
now when i put it together it makes little crackly noises...and that's about it. :(

so if you try and call me i probably won't answer for a while.

yep. hello, colleen.


~~~~~~~~

furry balls

i'm learning how to paint on photoshop.

this is what i did today...




my art skills finally put to practical use!


~~~~~

fell asleep in the sun 2 days ago...

oops...




~~~

Capstone Tomorrow

colleen is very very not happy about talking in front of people.

my studio all cleaned up...



head drawing...

Tracey picking lemon-herb chicken flower bouquets...

a somewhat current photo of the Nick painting...bad color, etc...

i can't work on it anymore today...i'm just too frustrated!!! agh!

so tired. i think i'm going to drive back to my apt and eat soup and try not to worry about tomorrow...

before you go, you should really check this out...CLICK HERE! RIGHT HERE!!

and this...courtesy of Pip...


amazing.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a few question, take 2

answered all these questions a year ago...lets do it again! i haven't read them yet...so i'm doing this as i go...

80 Things You Might Not Know About Me

Whats your middle name?
noel

How big is your bed?
king-sized!! but i only sleep curled up on one side of it. the other side always stays made.

What are you listening to right now?
my itunes is on shuffle...at the moment it's playing Blonde Redhead "The Dress". i'll let you know when it changes.

What are the last 4 digits in your cellphone number?
still 9854

What was the last thing you ate?
rosemary chicken soup...it was so good. oh man i want more...

Last person you hugged?
um...my dad, acually. i just saw him at school

How is the weather right now?
cold! it was so warm yesterday!!

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Pip

What is the first thing u notice in the opposite sex?
still attitude. eyes too.

Favorite type of Food?
indian

Do you want children?
yes. but i'm scared of bringing people into what this world is becoming.

Do you drink?
beer. good. mmm. but not often.

(song changed...Vashti Bunyan "love song". it makes me cry...)

Ever get so drunk you don't remember the entire night?
nope

Hair color?
short and brown

Eye color?
bleu

Do you wear contacts/glasses?
glasses

Favorite holiday?
easter

Favorite Season?
still fall, but right now summer sounds really good.

Have you ever cried over a girl/boy?
yes

Last Movie you Watched?
Ratatouille! Finally!

(Postal Service: "such great heights". classic.)

What books are you reading?
A Circle of Quiet by M. L'Engle. I need to read the Silmarillion. apparently JeffBishop has a book for me...

Piercings?
a few months ago it was 5...but now it's 4 again.

Favorite Movie?
Sense and Sensibility, The Royal Tenenbaums, Princess Bride, The New World. it's a toss-up.

Favorite college football Team?
Go Titans!

What were you doing before filling this out?
painting

Any pets?
the little dead flies in my windowsills

Dogs or cats?
dogs

Favorite Flower?
roses. i'm such a girl. pretty much anything that smells amazing.

Have you ever loved someone?
yes

Are you in love right now?
i'm in love with a lot of people (cop-out answer! haHA!)

now hearing...Sufjan! Carlyle Lake

Who would you like to see right now?

Laurel, Pip, Edan, Acacia, my sister, Katie, my cousins...how about just everyone i love?? i miss everyone!! it would be kind of neat to see grandma so i could show her some of my artwork.

Before i move on, i would like to call attention to last year's answer because it's pretty great...
"hmm. i'd say Jesus, but then all you guys would be like 'colleen, you see Jesus all the time!' so i guess i'll say...sarah. but she's right in the next room so...yea. pointless. But you're the ones who said i coudn't say Jesus."

Have you ever fired a gun?
heck yes i have

Do you like to travel by plane?
okay

Right-handed or Left-handed?
right.

If you could go to any place right now where would you go?
ireland with my friends. then heaven

Are you missing someone?
yes

Do you have a tattoo?
no, but i have an idea.

Do you still watch cartoons on Saturday mornings?
sleep

Are you 18?
waay past.

Name 3 things in your room.
well, i'm in my studio so...lots of painting stuff, books, and a comfy orange chair with Andrew's pillow he made for me.

Did you get enough sleep last night?
nope

First thing you thought this morning?
is it thursday?? can i sleep an extra hour??? (answer was no)

What do you have handy at your bedside?
lamp, journal, books, empty water glass, my phone

Pandas or Polar bears?
Polar Bears

WHAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE?
this is still a funny question. um, this time let's go with my fingernails.

(The Notting Hillbillies: run me down)

ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
not necessarily

FAVORITE HANGOUT?
with people i love

3 THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT?
my sister, my friends, and art (which encompasses both visual and audio, mind you)

FAVORITE SONG?
that's not fair

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?
spiders. and monkeys, a little bit.

WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
fettuccini, bean, weenie, moopy, olly, police, (that one's new)

WHAT IS YOUR DADS MIDDLE NAME?
hehe milton hehe

WHATS YOUR MOTHERS MIDDLE NAME?
elizabeth

STUCK ON A DESERTED ISLAND & COULD TAKE ONE THING?
my bible and lord of the rings wrapped up inside of it.

FIRST THING YOU'LL SAVE IN A FIRE?
my digital files (computer and hard drive) and my books.

Whats your favorite color?
right now, blue-green-teal-prettyness

WHAT ARE THE THINGS YOU ALWAYS TAKE WITH YOU?
phone, qhote book, a pencil, a book to read, chapstick, ipod, gum, and my camera.

WHAT DID YOU WANNA BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID?
i also wanted to be a teacher so i could assign lots of homework (i'm serious)

WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENT DO YOU WISH YOU PLAYED?
cello. yeah, still cello. bagpipes would be rad, too.

THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEET?
brown

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT BEFORE YOU GO TO BED?
tomorrow i get to go to my studio and paint


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

things of note:

~apparently, there is someone in my school that looks and dresses just like me. (at least that's what i hear) oh yea, and it's a guy

~there's a starman waiting in the sky

~i think macaroni and cheese (from a box) may be one of my favorite foods ever. and therefore the bane of my existence

~Antonio Mancini is an effing amazing painter

~Sarah is knitting a Barack Obama sweater (it has long sleeves)

~i wish i was a better dancer, because i really like it

~every time i feel like i finally get the hang of painting i do something that makes me say 'crap...i have absolutely no idea what i'm doing'

~i still need to see There Will Be Blood

~this guy Phil at school is cranking out these stellar gesture calligraphic portraits that are blowing my mind

~you're right, Jude is a good name

~i really do like taking long walks on the beach. hint hint.

~if you are feeling sad or depressed, just remember one thing...this one blessed thing... at least you aren't in high school anymore!!! and for those of you who are...someday you won't be in high school anymore!!!

~this:

~read and write

~people are rad

~people are stupid

~part of me almost hopes Hillary Clinton will become president because, aside from the fact that i can't tolerate anything she says, does or stands for, things would just be so much more interesting

~sharpened woodless graphite pencils are like butter on a toasted blueberry scone.

~mandom


~trader joes caramel popcorn

~nerds

~cat power

~dark hair

~10 points to Anna


feel free to add some things of your own



love.



~~~~~~~~~~

i think...if i could see Radiohead in Dublin this summer...i would sell a kidney. i'm not even joking.


~~~~~

the past 3 days

sleepy dogs in the morning...

creepiest fruit i've ever seen...and even worse when you read what it's called...

the ginko bonsai turned lemon yellow...

Sarah's been feeling awful all week...:( so she cozied up...

video chatting with Artie and Helen (Alec's parents, while Sarah investigates her birthday present from Alec (Sesame Street "Old School")...

Thanksgiving dinner table

Day-After-Thanksgiving hike in Eaton Canyon...




it has been beautiful outside. Alec has been working madly on Christmas music...

the dogs got a bath tonight while Sarah and i watched Sesame Street, Sarah finished knitting Alec's hat and Alec and i did some music...

i like my green rose earrings.




FIN


~~~~~~~~

parlez-vous italiano? si...?

Happy day after Halloween...
I finally got my digital camera back...but not in time to take pictures of costumes at school...but here's me in orange tights.

last night i had a dream in which someone was speaking either french or italian to me...i can't remember which...and i coldn't understand them too well, because, you know, i'm not fluent in either.

but how then do i dream about someone speaking a fluid, rapid language i don't understand?

Lord i'm tired.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

today's the day...

Off with her hair!!

Well...off with mine. Anna will be here any minute to rid me of my butt-length locks. And i'm excited. And absolutely terrified...i'll miss my hair. ): But i have a headache right now from how heavy my braid is, so i won't miss that. Yesterday I was with Amaris all afternoon so she could take Lady in White pictures with my long out of control cheveux. So that was pretty neat.

Ohhh my it will be so nice...i hope i don't chicken out because i'm starting to get anxious. breathe....breathe.....

this is a very big deal for me. don't worry...i'll take pictures.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You give love a bad name

So, having heard "Don't Cry" by Guns & Roses and "Wind of Change" by the Scorpions this week...and also having watched American Idol on Tuesday which just happened to be Bon Jovi night (yes i watched American Idol) i came to this conclusion: epic 80's and 90's rock ballads are really really funny. Not that there's anything wrong with them...on the contrary...they are quite catchy and genuinely emotive.

they just make me laugh.


~~~~~~~~~~~

a little treat...

This week there was a major event in the world of Tolkien uber-geeks...the publication of yet one more chapter in Middle-Earth history...

The Children of Hurin!!

Tolkien's son, Christopher has been working on it for ages, and there are some very lovely Alan Lee illustrations in it. Click on the link and read about it! I just sold a painting so i decided to treat myself...i went out and bought it yesterday, along with a big book on J.W. Waterhouse. So that was exciting. (:
But that's all for now...most of the money is going toward my trip to Italy in June...which is also pretty exciting as it's getting closer. Two of my friends from LCAD and i are sharing an apartment in Florence...it's going to be amazing. I registered for my fall classes a couple of weeks ago, and i'm torn between apprehension and anticipation for my senior year. It's going to be a lot of hard work...but i'm beginning to get some ideas for what i'm going to focus on for my capstone (basically, the theme of my senior portfolio).

On Sunday I ate a flaming banana with coconut mango ice cream...so gooood...

On Tuesday i went to the senior capstone presentation of my friend Adrienne Stein...her theme was paintings illustrating passages from Song of Solomon...i wish i could have gotten some better pictures (there's bad glare in this photo) because her paintings were exquisitely beautiful. The one on the far right glows like the moon when there is light on it...

And last night i began my final project for my figure drawing class...i've got a 50x38" sheet of drawing paper taped to my wall with newsprint all around it because charcoal is messy. Well, i'm messy with charcoal. I like the drawing so far...i actually got lot of Alec's face done...but you're not allowed to see it yet.(; I'm documenting my process...so it should be interesting.

I've never drawn something this big before so it's scary and fun. I just hope i didn't go too big and that i'll be able to finish it for my final...

Had a very tiring day today...but now i'm going back to my apartment and hopefully get a good night's sleep. But with my drawing to work on, dinner to make and books to read...i'll probably be up pretty late. oh well...

look! it's me blogging this blog right now! crazy...


gotta clean up my paints...


~~~~~~~~~~~~

moments from my week...

Lunch at Saladang Song after prayer last Saturday...

Lovely Sarah...

Lovely Bettina...


Awesome Alec dressed to the NINES for Pip's birthday party...


Easter! Ginger, Joey and Caid...

(and yes, that is Ezekiel bread)



Spitting cloud...


Windy Day...


Reid trying to make his hair look like Tom's...

Yes? No...?


Silly Pip








Okayit'slatenowi'mgoingtobedgoodnight!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~