lessons

i've never been so scared.

i am just one in the midst of so many around me who don't know what God is doing in my life. And i don't take for granted the privilege of waiting on the Lord...despite how much i give Him grief for it. Waiting hurts. Sometimes it hurts a lot more than other times. i found out some...interesting things about myself today. One always expects that gaining clarity means gaining relief...i also found out today that sometimes the opposite happens.
i know He's doing something but i feel i'm searching my way through with closed eyes...listening and waiting with desperation. What will come of this, Lord? What could possibly come of this?

And what do i do until then?

~~~

"Look, I go forward,
but He is not there.
And backward,
but I cannot percieve Him;

When He works on the left
hand, I cannot behold Him.
When He turns to the right
hand, I cannot see Him.

But He knows the way that I
take;
When He has tested me,
I shall come forth as gold.

My foot has held fast to His
steps;
I have kept His way
and not turned aside.

I have not departed from the
commandment of His lips;
I have treasured the words
of His mouth
More than my necessary food..."

~Job 23:8-12...NKJV

I don't dare suggest that i am as steadfast and faithful as Job was as he wrote this...but it is a beautiful passage...and strangely comforting.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

O Lord, do not rebuke me in
Your anger,
Nor chasten me in Your hot
displeasure.
Have mercy on me, O Lord,
for I am weak;
O Lord heal me,
for my bones are troubled.
My soul is also greatly
troubled;
But You, O Lord--how long?

Return, O Lord, deliver me!
Oh save me for Your mercies'
sake!
For in death there is no
remembrance of You;
In the grave who will give you
thanks?

I am weary with my groaning;
All night I make my bed swim;
I drench my couch with
tears.
My eye wastes away because of
grief;
It grows old because of all my
enemies.

Depart from me,
all you workers of iniquity;
For the Lord has heard the
voice of my weeping.
The Lord has heard my
supplication;
The Lord will recieve my
prayer.
Let all my enemies be ashamed
and greatly troubled;
Let them turn back
and be ashamed suddenly.

Psalm 6

it's near

Yesterday I was sitting with my family and we were talking about how insanely stressful and hectic life is. We do that a lot. I think it was my dad that brought up the passage in Daniel that speaks of the End Times, and how much it applies today. It's glorious yet chilling:

Daniel 12:1-4

1 "At that time Michael shall
stand up,
The great prince who stands
watch over the sons of your
people;
And there shall be a time of
trouble,
Such as never was since there
was a nation,
Even to that time.
And at that time your people
shall be delivered,
Every one who is found
written in the book.
2 And many of those who sleep
in the dust of the earth shall
awake,
Some to everlasting life,
Some to shame and everlasting
contempt.
3 Those who are wise shall shine
Like the brightness of the
firmament,
And those who turn many to
righteousness
Like stars for ever and ever.
4 "But you, Daniel, shut up the words, and seal the book until the time of the end; many will run to and fro, and knowledge shall increase."

The words, while wonderful, are terrifying. Will i be counted among the wise, or the righteous? Will i shine forever among those the Lord has lifted up?
How prideful that sounds...

Verse 4 speaks of the increase of knowledge. Note that wisdom is not what is implied. Knowlegde apart from wisdom is utterly and completely useless. And that is what this world is pursuing. Terrifying? Yes. Terrifying to the point of my becoming afraid of the Day of the Lord's coming? Not at all. The terror is that of anticipation. More expectancy than foreboding; the kind you feel when you know something amazing, something awesome is about to happen and there's nothing you can do to stop it...not that you'd want to. In the same way i can fear the Lord, I can be terrified of the end days. But that doesn't mean i cannot anxiously await and hope for them!!!