Sarah's News from Russia pt 3...

Excerpts from her e-mail...i'll start after the family greetings...

"SO! Then english camp! Well, we went fishing, and you know how very very much I love fishing! All those times we went to Arizona and stuff and I was always asking to go fishing....you remember, right? Well our good friend for many years, Joshua.... you know Joshua, dad introduced him to mom in college? Well, Joshua taught us how to fish, and it was really a wonderful experience. We caught quite a few. It was really great. I didn't catch any personally, but Joshua assured me time after time my role was important." he he he...that made me laugh.

"Man, guys, I've made some friends, I pray that we'll be able to keep in touch. Ashley and I bonded most, and I'm really sad, she's going to be leaving. All of the people I've bonded with except for Jessica are NOT going to St. Petersburg.... so I'm kind of sad about that. Saransk was really cool, The first few days I was there were sort of hard. The food here in Russia is not so bad at all. But Russian CAMP FOOD is AAAAAAWWWWFULLLLLL!!!!!

"The last couple days at camp I couldn't even walk into the cafeteria anymore because the smell made me want to vomit!!! My tummy couldn't take it anymore. Praise God they had a 'Bar' there where they sold bottled water and snacks! I would have died of thirst because I did not even want to drink the tap water after I neutralized it with my 'seri pen'. The water there SMELLED!!! After you took a shower you still felt gross! And it was hot! They bought us some big jugs of bottled water (for us americans) But then to our horror a day later we found tons of brown floaties in the jugs, so I had to keep buying the bottled water from the Bar. So anyways, the last two days, I stopped eating the camp food, then I started starving... so itstead I started living on potato chips juice twix bars and mars bars. Guys, I have never felt so gross in my entire life. Next time Sarah goes to russia, she brings lots of trailmix, dried fruit, and beef jerky for HERSELF. I hate to say it, but I ended up eating some of the beef jerky I brought with me [as gifts] just to keep from feeling like I was killing my insides!!!!

"Everything else was cool though! We saying in the morning and the evening.... taught the kids all kinds of cool songs.... it was so awesome how at the very end of the camp on the last morning everyone was singing the worship songs so loudly when before it was only us Americans that were singing.

"I'm pretty tired. But I'm excitied. This has been a lot more fun than I thought it would be, and also, it some ways harder. It's weird.... there's stuff I miss about home, and I know I'm going to be dieing to get home soon (I alread sort of am) The Lord has been so faithfull to sustain me!!! He's so good, guys. I'm going to really miss some of these people. Tomorrow, Ashley Shawn and I are going to go Hang out with Vova and Oleg (the two russian guys) which should be fun. It's weird... the boys at the camp were WAY more open than the girls. It made it sort of hard, quite a few of us American girls got frustrated at the lack of connection we got with some of the girls.

 
"Okay Gotta go! LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU! MISS YOU SO MUCH. I think if I think too much about home, I'll maybe sort of crazy. Love you again!

                                       -Sarah"

Keep praying everyone...she's got another week and a half there!

last day of July- work in one hour

So as of today...i have about 3 weeks until i move down to start at Laguna. wow. As is often the case with my emotions pertaining to big events like this, in the last 4 months i've gone from ecstatic (when i found out i was accepted), to terrified, to anticipatory, to proud, to joyful, to completely numb, to uncertain, to nervous...aaaaand now back to terrified, again! Joy! talk about a wild ride...

The approaching start of a new chapter in my life, however, has unfortunately been plagued with old weights, insecurities and proverbial thorns (though at times i swear they are real) that cloud my vision almost to the point of panic. Such drastic shifts in my relationships, interests and prospects have made me question so much about myself...and i'm feeling less ready to go off and begin the next leg of my lifelong journey now then i did back in March.

One of the hardest things about this is that some of the most important people in my life (and to some extent nearly everyone else, as well) have no idea what is really going on...it's just so hard to disappoint the people you love.
Sometimes i wonder if "being strong" is just a form of weakness because you're too afraid of everyone knowing how you really feel.

In which case i'm not sure what the heck i am...thank the Lord he knows, anyway. even if i don't.

more from Sarah...i got this on Monday

Title of e-mail: icecream chocolate pancakes with sourcream

That is what I have been eating. Not all together. icecream... and pancakes (sort of) that have sourcream on them. Yesterday I had them with this yum yum yummy jam and today I had them with currants. It was tasty.

Please keep praying because I'm a bit worn out and camp hasn't even started. Everyone in this group likes to do do do do do here, and I kind of would like some time to soak things in pray and contemplate. We're leaving for the english camp tomorrow. It'll take a few hours to get there, and i'll be there until I think next monday. So a week.

Tonight we're going to a youth thing. I have to be back at the hotel in an hour. I'm tired, but the Lord will get me through. Lets see.... we went to the field the otherday. I sat and talked to someone I made friends with. That was fun. There was some really beautiful singing at the service today.But I'll tell you more when I get home. I got a spider bite on my leg right next to a mosquito bite. They itch; and the spider bite is super big. Yuck. There was this cute little green bug on my bed last night, and today I saw the most beautiful butterfly. We've taken the bus quite a bit lately. We're the only ones who talk on the bus, and when there's the whole group of us running on and getting off saying "Get on quick!!!" or "this is our stop!!!!" it's gotta be kinda funny. I like walking around. The other day we walked all around and went into these stores to find some euro hairdryers because within one morning, like, three of us blew out our converters. Tell jeff I'm sorry, but his converter sort of blew up and filled our room with the most horrible smoky smell I've ever smelled. It wasn't my fault either. Donna was using it at the time.... well.... sort of. I'll tell you later.

Thank everybody for their prayers. Me and Donna and Matt and Lindy and 2 interpreters went to a resturant yesterday and it took them about an hour to give us our food. Donna didn't even get hers until after the rest of us had finished our icecream for dessert. So we spent about 3 hours at a resturant playing american pop music videos on their plasma screen TV. The food was good. I got  this pork that had cheese and tomatoes with dried aprocots. I liked it. And of course, the icecream was great. They have these 'department stores' where basically they have everything, but it sort of reminds me of the way those big china town areas are set up. There aren't any real stores or anything... and they sell all kinds of weird stuff. I'm sort of going to wait until St. Petersburg to get the rest of my gifts for people. They have these really cheep guitars at the department store for like 1000 roubles. That's like... between 30-40 american dollars. I kind of wanted to get one, cuz it would be funny.. But I really don't want to carry it to st. petersburg. Besides, I've gotta get stuff for other people before I get anything for me. Did I tell you tomorrow I've got a 2 hour busride? The buses here are not nice like the one we had in moscow. They're really funky and old.

Please pray for me. I'm tired. But I'm so thankful! Why? Because I was expecting things to be a LOT harder. I haven't had any real culture shock. I think the closest thing I've had to culture shock is having to be around all these go go go americans. (don't tell anybody that, though!) They're so sweet, but also very different from me. Which is very very good for me... but I think it's going to get a little difficult for me in the next few weeks. So please pray for me, and my relationship with the Lord, and for my camp room mates I'm going to have. I think that's what I am most nervous about.

Please, all of you whenever you think of me say a prayer. Tell everybody thank you. I miss you. Lots and lots and lots of love love love love.

                                          Sarah


Keep in mind, these were just exerpts. Please do keep praying, everyone!
~colleen

little sister

So my sister, Sarah, has been in Russia for about a week, now. I think it's safe to say that i miss her...but it's nice to have a room that stays clean for more than 24 hours!
She's been sending us some great e-mails, talking about the people there, the food, the culture, and the ministry work they're doing and the hardships they have come up against. I'll include a few excerpt from her e-mails, just because they are highly amusing and very interesting. I got this one last Wednesday...

On food:
"Lets see... what have I done lately? I've had lots of iceream. The girls here really like to eat it. (yeah, caus it's so so so good!) I had to fight to get some real food tonight. Me and Ashley and Lindy (two girls in our group) were out at dinner tonight and the girl that was at our table knew very little english. So it was really really funny because we were asking if they had all these different foods and they werent on the menu, and when we asked her what she was getting she said "icecream". So that didn't help we finally ordered these pasta thingies filled with meat and we asked what was on them and they said mayonase! Ugh! So we ordered pasta... w/o mayonas and then ice cream for dessert and Pepsi. Well. First came the little tiny cups of pepsi, and then our icecream came FIRST. Okay.... uh.... whatever. Then they brought out our 'pasta' (very round brown thingies) I stuck one with my fork and it went flying of my plate. The were hard and fried and reminded me of round tacitos (I don't know how to spell it!). So we ate those for dessert after our icecream."

On people, etc...
"All the girls here wear short short shirts, high pants and PLATFORM shoes all around the city. We rode the bus today and jaywalked across a busy street. (mind you these people don't stop for anyone) Ashley almost got hit by a car in the parking lot today. At the bus stop you could see all the heel prints of the girls shoes in the sidewalk. We went to the russian zoo. It smelled really bad and all the animals were pacing around. It sort of depressed me. We saw a satue of pushkin. I took a picture of me in front of it. Breakfast was good. We had eggs with bread with this yummy jam on them. Mmm."

On how she's doing...
"I've slept pretty well. I smell like bug spray. Everybodys got mosquito and spider bites except me. Hope I didn't just jinx myself. I don't know if I'll be able to mail you at camp so I'll keep writing until then. I love you all. So so very much. Colleen... I got you something in Moscow, I forgot to tell you. I hope you like it. The water here tastes different. I've already started to get used to it. The Lord is good, and so good stuff happened today. Please pray for everybody's health. They need it."

Anyway...i just think she's awesome. And as she mentioned lastly, if you all could keep the group in your prayers, i'm sure they would be very thankful. There's some really shady stuff going on over there right now, and it's hard for them to let us know exactly what's happening without getting into serious trouble.
The only way we've been able to learn about some things is through coded e-mails sent by one of the guys in her group to his dad, who then informed everyone else. So prayers are good!

Still hot. Pool good. I've been getting stuff for my apartment i'll be living in, so that's been fun. Bettina and i started re-drawing characters for one of our old comics yesterday...he he he.

You know who's awesome, Ross? Tom Waits!!!!

well...i tried.

In response to John's comment on my last post...
and it wasn't very good. after this picture was taken i threw away the bag...a waste of good sour gummy worms.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Gummi Worms...um...melted.

Praise the Lord for great big tubs of 85 degree water in your backard.
It's the only thing good (in my opinion) that comes from triple-digit temperatures! I haven't swum enough this summer.

Mark my words...i'll be doing a lot more of this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Westmont Pictures, &c

I figured i might as well get a few pictures up here from when i went to a conference a Westmont College over the weekend. Here you see a picture of Amaris, my sister Sarah and myself at the beach after everyone left the last day. It was overcast most of the time...but still warm.

And here...

is a picture of Pip, myself, Wankunda, and CyBelle. Good names. In case you're wondering what Pip is doing wth his face...he's blowing in my ear. Hence my somewhat annoyed turn-of-head as the picture was taken. What a sweetie.

And here is a picture of Ginger, the wife of my cousin Joey (middle) and Matt. Don't they just look like nice people?

Yes, Ginger is pregnant.

Once again, to see the photos a bit bigger, just click on them.

I sure hope everyone out there is cooler than i at the moment...it's so hot here i'm almost sweating sitting here typing. The pool's about 86 right now. A night swim a little later sounds delightful...perhaps i can scrounge up a few people to go with me...
anyone??

Laurel, Sarah, Pip, i miss you guys!!!

now hearing:
Yo La Tengo: Let's Save Tony Orlando's House

Where am i...?

Hawaii? Cancun?
It's 98 degrees and humid outside...and as i stood in the backyard under the overcast sky...it started raining. Holding freshly picked snowpeas in my hand and treading the warm grass under my feet, the chilly specks of falling water were a sharp contrast to the stifling air around me. I stood by the pool and listened to the droplets as they hit the surface and stared at the hills and clouds that loomed over my house...thunder rolled faintly over my head...and i shivered a little.

I love it when that happens.

hey y'all.

I got back from a Conference at Westmont College this afternoon, which was a great and richly blessed time. Pictures soon to come!
I had completely forgotten that my copy of the new Harry potter book came while i was gone...so that was a fun surprise to see waiting for me when i got in today. I can't wait to read it!
I probably just lost the respect of a great many people...

Hope everyone's doing well...i'm tired and not a little let down at the sudden and unpleasant return to "normalcy". aka: grandpa yelling at me :P, worrying about too too many things, and not seeing dozens of people for yet another year.
It doesn't sound so bad, i'm sure. I'm just feeling a bit of a low after a few days of emotional and spiritual highs, i guess.
Among other things. There's just so much i can't post here...
blahhhhhhhhhhhhh

Now hearing...
Pedro the Lion: I Am Always the One Who Calls

"...maybe this is OZ!"

Does anyone remember this film? I loved it as a kid; Sarah and i rented it the other night and reveled in memories of it. So fun. It's too bad that it never got the acclaim it deserved, because unlike the 30's "Oz", it actually remained true to Baum's vision and storytelling. It's dark and very chilling at parts, and there are no munchkins! Dorothy (played brilliantly by Fairuza Balk in her first film role) is in very real danger in this film, being threatened by numerous grizzly ends...whether it's turning into sand in the deadly desert, being "ripped into little peices" by the wheelers, or having her head stolen by a very frightening princess...you don't for once mistake this world as the same colorful, safe one that Ms. Garland skipped and sang her way through so many decades ago. It helps to not even associate the two films with each other.
The special effects are almost painfully dated...but that adds to it's charm, really. The claymation and exquisite puppetry used in this film are wonderful to behold...such "tangible" effects have long been my preference to CG, and all throught the film i kept wondering how much of the magic would have been swept from it if everything was perfectly clean and computerized. Anyway.
Add to it all a beautiful, haunting score that still drifts through my head every once in a while, it still remains a lovely little "cult classic" of a film. I've gone on much longer than i expected (i imagined a sentence or two) and must now go wash and wax my baby.
i mean...my car.

till we are parted by death

Yesterday i attended a wedding of two young people from my church; not the most beautiful or elaborate ceremony i'd ever been to, but by far the most blessed and the most poingiant. How often do you get to witness two people who have known each other since childhood, went to the same college, and courted for 2 years...kiss each other for the first time on their wedding day?

There's something so beautiful about a love that strong and devoted to such purity. I don't know if i could ever do something like that. After they were announced to be married, they took communion together as their first act of husband and wife, to position Jesus a the forerunner and foundation of their commitment to each other. Then, as they returned to where they were standing, i could see the anticipation building in each of them as the minister jokingly took his time, "You see," he told the congregation, "Ben has never kissed Bonnie before, and here i am going on and on..." but then he paused, looked at them, and finally said to Ben, "You may kiss your Bride". And believe me...it was quite a kiss.
I'll try to find a picture of it. (;

Anyway, I should go. it's wonderful how in the midst of such toil and stress as goes on in all of our lives, the Lord still works. And he knows what he's doing. Even if i don't. Which i don't. But that's nothing new.
It just uplifted me so much, despite the melancholy that follows me around, and i so wanted to share it.
What a rare and beautiful blessing.

Oh, say...

So Monday was the ever spectacular July 4th holiday. And, as tradition, my family had a swingin barbeque at our house to mark the occasion! Complete with good food, fellowship and plenty of fireworks in the backyard (that is, until the Policia showed up), it was quite an enjoyable evening.

That there's little Maisy playing soccer with Dvid and Pip. Though i spent most of the time doing food prep and G-parent stuff (hence my absence from most of the pictures), it was a very nice evening. I made a true disaster of a jell-o dessert that many people sweetly said was quite good (luckily there were pies, too), and then young and old alike took pleasure in playing with the sparklers.

Around 9 o'clock, about 20 of us all hiked up the hill to watch the firework show in the Rose Bowl. It was a good one this year. I tried to be patriotic and sing the national anthem, but Bettina kept covering my mouth.
When the show was over, we wnt back down the hill and to the living room where guitars were pulled out and we sang and talked and just enjoyed each other's company. You can kind of see me in this picture standing up...too bad it's so blurry.

Good day. Go America! Too bad Stina and Laurel couldn't be there. We sure missed them.

A far green country...

So Oregon was absolutely gorgeous. I had no idea that such incredible scenery existed but one state over! I'm not sure what exactly i was expecting. The climate in Portland is one of my most preferred...rainy, cool, clean, and almost painfully green and lush. The famed Pacific Northwest! I wish i had had more time to enjoy it...but mom and Sarah and i were a bit busy...well...trying to hold a wedding together! The first day we go there, Wednesday, we picked up our rental car...a Sebring convertible!...and drove through Portland to the house we'd spend our first couple of nights in. It had just rained, and the sun was pouring through the dark clouds; so we put the top down and enjoyed and soaked in the beauty of the city. The neighborhoods were like nothing i had ever seen...like something out of a faery tale. With the wet climate, there's no such thing as a brown lawn, a dying shrub, or an ugly yard. The vegitation in Oregon is lush and vivid and wildly happy. Moss gave vibrant color to rugged stone walls, flowers burned our eyes with reds, blues, purples and yellows...i had no idea Hydrangias could get so huge! When we finally arrived at the house, we all caught our breath(s?) and gazed upward.

There's Sarah sitting in front of the gate.
Boasting 3 stories, a beautifully attended yet fully grown and sprawling garden, and a 40 foot cherry tree in full fruition, we were a bit taken aback! Inside were grand staircases, rooms whose walls were covered in tooled leather, antique fixtures, and intricate handiwork in mouldings and windowpanes. One of the best features of the dwelling, in my opinion, were the numerous bookcases overflowing with hard-bound antique books. A bit less exciting were the even MORE numerous shelves lined with literally hundreds of romance novels...owned by the elderly mother of the woman who owned the house. The house was built in 1910 and belonged to a friend of my mom's, Liz...a collector, artist, and proud owner of 4 cats.

And therein was the problem. I have a terrible cat allergy, and by the next day, i was in a fit of sneezing, itching and battling a bad case of asthma. So as much as i loved being there, i could really only enjoy myself on our excursions into the very artsy, bohemian shopping areas close by.

By Friday, i was miserable. But by the grace of God, my aunt Susan (the mother of my cousin who was getting married) booked us rooms at a B&B close to the wedding site, Husum Castle, which was about an hour and a half outside of Portland, in Washington. So that was something to look forward to!
That morning, we were to meet Kat (who was getting married) and Beth, her half-sister, and my first cousin, at Kat's apartment, from where we'd drive on over to the Castle. The exciting thing about this meeting was...i had never met Beth before. My mom's side of the family is extremely messy and tragically dysfunctional, resulting in the alienation of a great many people and the breakdown of far too many relationships. On the way there, mom stopped and snuck out of the car and clipped flowers off of the bushes in people's yards to use in the wedding bouquets...because not enough flowers had been ordered. Stuffing them through the windows to me and my sister, she would jump into the car and speed away from the scene of the dastardly crime. Off to see Beth and Kat.
So we met...and it was lovely. It funny to think of Beth as my first cousin because on my dad's side, my cousins and i are extremely close.

I went with Beth and Kat, and Sarah went with mom, and we made the drive up through the amazing countryside you see in the above picture. Once there, we got straight to work. Mom, Beth Sarah and i all went out to collect even more flowers for the bouquets.

There they are!
Once back at the castle, Mom got to work...


That night soaking in the hot tub outside of the B&B was heaven. Once again, i was blown away by hte beauty of our surroundings. Here is the unbelievable view from the place we stayed...
Lord, you're amazing.

That night i shared a room with Beth. A night light shone softly in the darkness of the room and the gentle rush of a waterfall outside the open window lulled at my sleepy brain. But i laid awake in bed listening to her soft breathing next to me, and i was very happy. I pushed away the thoughts of how insane the next day...the wedding day...was going to be, and eventually fell asleep.

to be continued...

Why? Why did i laugh so dang hard at this?

Shells Smashed Juices Flowing Wings Twitch

I'm off to Oregon tomorrow to see my cousin get married. Cause that seems to be the thing to do nowadays.

Andrew we should do this .

Peace!

flowery treeeee

Wow...i've really been negligent, haven't i? It's not that i've been particularly busy, i just have had other things i've applied myself to. Mainly, i've discovered how to use Garage Band...and i've been a wee bit obsessed with it. It's really fun. he he...

Kristina left for China today...she'll be gone for 3 weeks. last night i went to her house along with Sarah, Pip, Bettina and her fiance Darrel, and we had a little good-bye thingie for her. I made about 35 cupcakes and we goofed around and played telepictionary. It was very enjoyable. Before we left we all sat and prayed for her; for safety, guidance, wisdom and growth. All good things.
I hope she has the time of her life, and that the Lord reveeals Himself to her in a real way. That would be awesome.

Katie leaves for France and Germany next week.
I'm so jealous.

Lovely Laurel also ships off to Oregon to work for the summer on Sunday, and from there, straight to the East Coast for school...and i won't see her until Christmas! ))):

Not to mention Sarah going to Russia in July for ministry. I'm so excited for her. And worried. But that's part of my job as a big sister, i guess.

It's been a strange summer so far. I had a bad night last week, and it just reminded me that God is doing something with everyone's lives right now. I don't know what i'm being prepared for...or Sarah or Kristna, Katie, Bettina, Pip, Andrew etc...even you reading this.
but i can't wait to find out.
It's going to be good. It is.

Now hearing...
The Smiths: Ask

"Cute shorts."

This morning, as i celebrated my first day of summer by doing laundry, my grandma, for, i think the fourth time now, told me how much she liked my pajama shorts. She complements me on them more than anything else i own.

Would you believe i just typed out nearly an entire post...and lost it? I hate that. auuugggggggghhhhhhh. sigh.

So...it's been a while. Lots happening. I'm finished with school, people are graduating, my friends are all shipping off to exotic locales, i got a lovely new vehicle, i spent the weekend down in Orange County where i'll be living in the fall...
There's been some tough inner growth, too. I guess it's always tough.

That picture is cracking me up.

This personal realization has come about as the result of primarily two things. The first, being a heart to head talk with my mom over tamales, the second a particularly convicting and wonderful message on Sunday. As a result, i'm feeling just a little more hopeful about someday becoming the woman i'm meant to be in the Lord's eyes...that it's actually possible, and having to realize that change is a part of that. It's so funny how any change can be so frightening, even if it's for the better, even if the situation you're in right now is uncomfortable.
Yet strangely enough, at the moment, i'm feeling more excited than anxious about moving and going to art school. Just for the record...! as it is a rarity.

Visiting my mom's dear friend Cindy over the weekend was lovely indeed. She has a husband and a 13-year old daughter, and they have a beautiful home; complete with an orange grove, cherry, plum, apple, persimmon and peach trees, 3 horses, 2 goats, 3 dogs (soon to be four), swimming pool, and personal gym. I'll be staying in a spacious apartment over the garage in their "barn".
There's my mom going up the steps.
I'm very fortunate to have such an awesome living situation; there's even room in the apartment for an ample studio space! yay! I'll probably start moving stuff down in August.

Well, that's enough for now. Hope everyone's well...

Showy

Well, our show went pretty well tonight. I got to mess with the korg a little...so that was cool.

Every show has a weird little problem...once Pip forgot his laptop...once there was an ominous buzzing noise that wouldn't go away for he whole show...tonight we showed up and there weren't any mikes, cords or stands...and we were told to "keep it down". :P

Needless to say, it still went well, we made do, and we had fun. Plus, we sold 5 ep's! And it's always encouraging how many people seem to enjoy it. That's the point, of course; but the feedback we always recieve is just lovely.

night...

Joieux Anniversaire! (i think i butchered the spelling)

Happy Birthday and Happy Graduation Day to my dear friend, Katie!

Also Happy Birthday to my blog!
yes, it's been a year. wow.

Going back to my very first posts is interesting, I've already changed quite a bit. Maybe at some point i'll try to consolitade a few of my favorite posts. But not now...i have to be up in a few hours to go watch miss "top of her class in French and English" Katie walk across a stage in the middle of a football field.

I could brag about her all day.
I'm so proud!! And yet not a bit surprised. (:

Grumpy

Thought i'd post this...my grandpa recieving his birthday present last week.
Surprisingly he liked it!
Now if only we can get him to wear it.

I'm afraid the title of this post reflects my own mood lately as well...sort of.

Mostly i've just been frustrated and a bit upset...and as usual it comes off as short fused around my family. And i don't blame them for being fed up with me. I'm fed up with me, too.
It's just that there have been a few developments in my growing knowledge of the nature of people close to me (in regards to myself and their expectations of me) that have been somewhat hard to swallow. i know that doesn't make sense...but it's mostly just so i have it here. And details aren't necessary.
I'm finding myself to be tuning out more. It's just easier...but it doesn't feel right.

I finished Descent Into Hell...arguably one of the strangest books i've ever read...but extremely fascinating. A second read will eventually be in order...but for now, Lilith by George MacDonald.

It's very hot.

"What lies below the surface affects the surface."

why our blood is red...

I sit and take in a quietly beautiful scene...high stone walls winding snakelike through an autumn wood; brilliantly scarlet leaves running like a chain through a mass of hanging willow branches hovering over a smooth lake.
I'm viewing a dvd about the work of an artist named Andy Goldsworthy, entitled Rivers and Tides.

So this guy Andy lives in gorgeous Scotland, has a wife and children, is totally existential, and makes his living by fusing icicles together, creating pools of dandelions in river crevices, and building egg-shaped towers of stone only to watch them disappear under an oncoming tide.
He's commissioned all over the world to create his artwork.

And it's very inspiring. It's a beautifully filmed little documentary, showing the trials and successes of his often intricate and frustrtaing work, and giving the viewer insight into what he's trying to communicate (though as i watch mister Goldsworthy ramble on to the camera, all i have to do is imagine him with a lisp and he immediately reminds me of a startlingly thoughtful Corky St Clair...).

Yet in watching him work, and comparing his productiveness to mine--especially when i agree with him when he says that if he goes for more than a couple of weeks without creating something he begins to lose himself--i've realized, more and more clearly, something i've been dreading to admit for some time now...

I'm a very lazy person.

No, really. And i seem to find that this laziness plagues not the unnecessary things in my life, but those that bring about daily functioning, productivity and confidence. My work. My health. My relationships with other people. My creativity.
I realize that some people who read this will probably be put off by it. But i have to be honest.

I'm shown a rushing river. He grinds iron-rich stones down to powder, throwing the pigment into the river, turning the water an opaque, shocking red. Like blood...

I'm finding that instead of thriving under pressure, as i once did...i now crack under it. Instead of writing every day, as i used to...i can barely bring myself to do it but once a week. Instead of getting up and running in the morning, i sleep well past the coolness in the start of the day (when i can). I'm so afraid to commit myself to things, to do anything that would benefit my own spirit. Especially when it comes to my relationships and creative outlets.

aaaaaaaaaaand i'm leaving to attend an intensive art school in 3 months.

"When i make a work i take it to the very edge of it's collapse", Andy just mused. And as those words voiced over what he was doing, the intricate web of twigs and branches he had spent hours building crumpled to the ground at the softest gust of the slightest wind.

I guess you just have to be willing to risk things.
And God help me, i need to.

wondrous

I was looking back at a lot of my posts from last year up until a few months ago...and i used to actually post about worthwhile things. I'd wrote a lot...and not about movies and cookie decorating, and without a bunch of pictures. I'm not sure why i've found it so hard to just sit down and ponder here what is really meaningful...

even now...!

/:

Narnia Trailer

If you have Quicktime, check this out...the trailer for" The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe".
A lot of it is kind of how i expected it to look...some wasn't.
I won't say everythingt i think just yet...i'll let you all see it first.
And let me know what you've got to say.

HERE

Inklings

So most people know i'm an admirer of Tolkien's mythology. That's no secret. I think the Lord of the Rings will always be my favorite book, and I'm eternally grateful for the fact that my love for it wasn't a mere by-product of the recent films. He has sparked my interest and thought in so many ways that i know i would be a different person if i hadn't read it. You don't have to make fun of me...i've got my sister to do that. (:
I've been reading books by C.S. Lewis since i was but a wee lass, the Narnia Chronicles, naturally, and lately more of his works for adults. But his children's books and essays on writing still remain my favorites. In addition, I do enjoy a good MacDonald tale now and then (a personal favorite of Tolkein's as a child). These two men, of course, knew each other and often enjoyed each other's company and encouragement, both in their worldly and literary endeavors, as members of a group called "the Inklings". In my quest to dip into the pool of works by these illustrious and brilliant writers and their colleagues and friends, i've started reading Charles Williams, recommended to me last year by Tim.
Having just begun Descent into Hell, i'm finding it very intriguing even at the start. Which is good. Not that i don't like books that take their time (obviously; my favorite book being over 1000 pages long), but it's nice to find a story that so successfully pulls you in quickly, without it seeming cheap or undermining...if that's the right word. hmmm.
I'm excited to continue on to the others...which is good too.

Sorry if this sounded self-appreciating...i mostly wrote it for me to look back on.
I hate disclaimers. But i can't go without them sometimes.

Das ist alle.

Laurel Tree

why, what's this??

self explanitory, i'm sure.
Earrings and wreath made lovingly by yours truly.


These are for you, Acacia! By request of the Tree.



well, and i think they're pretty.

cookie decorating!

Laurel Bettina Sarah and i decorated cookies last week. No particular reason.
Sorry for the lack of posts...been a little uninspired this week.

You know, sometimes you just get so tired and you don't know why.
Well, i know why. But it's silly. At least to me.
bbllllllagggggggggghhh.

okay!

there there

So here i am. It's a warm day (a bit too warm for me), I'm out of school for the week, i'm drowsy, and i'm lisening to an early live recording of a There There (by Radiohead) played at a show in 2002. Mp3 provided by none other that Ross the Great. Thank you thank you, good sir.
The song has certainly come a long way.

Here's a picture of me and Katie, by the way, at Pip's birthday party.

Last night Kristina was here and we raided the liquor cabinet...some of the stuff in there is from the 70's! We made ourselves little mixed drinks with Bailey's and Creme de Menthe &c. It was quite good.

I'm tired. This evening we're having a girl's prayer meeting so that's something to look fprward to, and i think Sarah and i are going to watch Lawrence of Arabia again tonight. This time with Kristina...she's never seen it. So that'll be fun.

I'm sure this is very interesting to you all.

We Suck Young Blood Just Started...i like it, but it's putting me to sleep. I really was going to write more...but i think i'll go lay down. It's been a long week of long nights.

bis montag...vielleicht...

do it

You won't be cool if you don't.

In the proud tradition of The Wizard of Oz and Dark Side of the Moon comes one more spectacular fusion of sight and sound...

Like 12 Monkeys?

Like OK Computer?


Well you probably already know this then.
BUT if not, then put on the dvd of 12 Monkeys (on mute), and have OK Computer ready to go on pause. On the dvd, as soon as you see the flash of light coming 'round the world for the Universal logo...hit play on the CD.

prepare to be astounded.

(:

today was an awful day.




not sure why...

kids

real quick...
us at the land of Disney.

That's me next to the girl who does not look like my sister. I'm crouching so low in this picture...do realize that i'm actually about 4 inches taller that Sarah, my sister, the "dark one". (;

it's been a weird day...
bye.

nutella

it's getting tense around here...

lots of yelling and screaming and all-around gaiety...makes for interesting mornings! It's not always like that, just lately. In that respect, it will be nice to move out this summer.

then there are good times. like fun with nutella.


The problem with Spring Break is that i have a lot of homework...but have i done any of it?
nawwwwwwwwww.

I've got other things to do! Like taking walks! Laying in the sun! Watching dvd's into the far reaches of the night! Going to Disneyland!
We're doing Disneyland today...Laurel's younger sisters have never been. Laurel only went for the first time on my birthday in October, as you see here.


it ought to be a splendid time.

hmmm...
Jeff Smith was at Vromans Tuesday night, i had the last volume of Bone signed by him.
So that's kinda cool.

Well, i suppose i should go finish getting ready. The happiest place on earth is waiting...

this is the title

Happy Birthday to Pip.

It was on the 6th. Yesterday was his raging partaaay. We had excellent fare, good company, and some very engaing rounds of Mafia.
It was much fun, Pip. You should be proud.

Stayed home from church today to be on grandparent duty so my mom could go.
In the past years as he's gotten older, my grandpa has been known to say rhymes or sing songs off the top of his head whenever he happens to remember them. Usually a little diddy from the 40's, or a slightly vulgar quip to make my grandma mad.

The surprise is no longer his suddenly saying them, but what it is he's going to say.
While he and grandma were in the living room and i was making them lunch, i heard my grandpa recite...

"Jack and Jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his crown
and Jill came tumbling after."

He paused, apparently satisfied with having remembered the whole thing, then said, "Isn't that the dumbest thing?" and his eyes wandered, unfocused, in my grandma's direction.

Grandma kept her eyes on the golf game. "I wonder what that means..." she said quietly, "...broke his crown..."

Grandpa frowned slightly. "Don't you know?? He broke his head!!!"

"Oh I know," replied my grandma. "It's just--"

"What do they care anyway. The people who wrote those things," said grandpa.

Grandma thought for a moment. "Well," she began, "it might have had something to do with the views on the monarchy at that time--"

"Whatever," said my grandpa.

And that was that!

He's been behaving himself pretty well today...which is nice. Because i'm tired. It's gorgeous outside, though...I got some lovely sun on my shoulders. I'm so glad to be on spring break this week.
I don't want to do A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G.

Have a happy Sunday.

Yesterday i took grandma out into the garden where mom was working, and she had quite a lovely time. Here she is watering the tomato plants...and enjoying every minute of it...

grandma

She also turned 88 yesterday...i hope i never live that long!

#16: They Are Night Zombies!! They Are Neighbors!! They Have Come Back From the Dead!! Ahhhhh!

More Sufjan news! The track listing for "Illinois" is out...and it looks amazing. Pip sent me the link... and here's the link for you!
hoorraayy!

WHAT THE #!@#$???

$2.61 for a gallon of Gas............??????????!!!!!!!!!!!??????????

beetle

So, i'm trying not to worry.
i'm trying not to worry about a great many things, none of which warrant no worry themselves, as they are that which give me the most reason to allow worry to enter into my daily functioning, but nevertheless are subject to being dealt with as such that they are, as things of which i see as worrisome...but can no longer be called so.
That made no sense...i think. But didn't it sound smart?? :P

All ridiculousness aside, i do worry too much. it drives me nutty. yes, nutty.


There are about 3.8 million things running through my head that i want to write about...yet i just spent the last 2 minutes staring at the screen.
You'll just have to wait.
I am sincerely sorry.

There's a little bug drinking my milk...

polariod

Fun times in the backyard this evening with Pip, laurel and Sarah. Pip with his new (and now nonexistant) hawk...which i was very sorry to shave off.

night...

sarah and laurel

hawk