ardamar

looking for me?

2011-08-10T08:37:00.000-07:00

Just so you know, i've decided to post exclusively to my other blog: portraits & clouds. So go there. :)

Or just stay and wander around here if you like...there's some interesting stuff if i do say so myself. Ah, life...

2010-06-19T00:44:00.000-07:00

love you all

hi

2010-03-01T16:54:00.000-08:00

i do realize it's been over 2 months since i've updated my blog. i think that's the longest i've gone in 6 years...! :(
lady in white, on the other hand, i've posted on almost daily...probably because each post is short and (generally) painless. posting here is always quite an undertaking.

things have been kind of crazy...i don't know why the compulsion to write a little bit here came upon me at this particular moment, as i should be working (i'm at cartoon network at present...for another 2 weeks).
i guess i just couldn't stand it any longer.
i hope to put up some pictures and things at some point. ardamar has not been abandoned...just sadly neglected.
any particular news or photos you're hoping to see? let me know. :)

2009-12-26T13:48:00.000-08:00

happy christmas-time, new year, and blessings to you...

love, colleen

2009-12-14T15:04:00.001-08:00

one month

the past 4 weeks

2009-12-12T17:29:00.000-08:00

Gwennie's memorial

guys watching football

brothers punching each other at church

pip's new pad

skeletons in a museum

thanksgiving

gummi worms

pies and fries

maranatha kids making animals with various sweet things

home-made biscotti

borders with amaris

decorating the christmas tree

morrissey in concert

and life keeps going...

~

2009-11-20T11:32:00.001-08:00

memorial for gwennie tomorrow at 11...lunch afterwards at my parent's.
for details e-mail me:

colleenpolice@gmail.com

"For with You is the fountain of life,
in Your Light we see light"

Psalm 36:9

2009-11-15T14:14:00.000-08:00

Gwenyth June Adams

July 3, 2008 ~ November 14, 2009

we are so grateful that you are the Lord's, and that you are with Jesus

in your full and perfect glory with Him

who made you so lovely.

i love you and miss you ceaselessly

the day can't come soon enough when i will see you again, little bug.

2009-11-14T15:29:00.001-08:00

hey everyone, please be praying for gwennie...a few days ago she got very sick, and she's been in the hospital since yesterday. they diagnosed her with pnemonia and about an hour ago they admitted her to the ICU. i don't know if it's H1N1...she is very susceptible and weak, so please lift up prayers of healing for gwen, and strength for joey, ginger and caid...thank you...

give a caid a camera...

2009-11-10T18:30:00.000-08:00

A couple sundays ago some of the fam went to deerfield after church. i took some pictures of caid with the beaded curtain...

some sort of animal, naturally...

joey had tea. caid decided he wanted some. so joey said,

"here, this is how you drink it. take a sip like this. now, it's warm, okay?"

caid obviously felt pretty good about this.

so he took a sip.

aaaand promptly spit it out.

not so good.

reminded me of the asparagus incident...

now! to the purpose of this post.

i gave caid my camera to take some pictures with...and this is what he saw:

(love the self-portraits)

(i took this one. he's making a fish face)

love this "series"

(mommy and sister)

(grandpa floyd series)

food arrived, and i took the camera back.
in chinese restaurants like this one, they give you orange slices for dessert.
and then i took these. because i had to.

the end!

Look to the East!

2009-11-02T17:09:00.000-08:00

Got my east coast pictures up on facebook!!

here are the public links...

Volume 1 (Manhattan, Boston and Mystic)

Volume 2 (Annapolis)

Enjoy!

ps...happy november. life update soon...promise.

real quick takes...

2009-10-02T21:25:00.000-07:00

a Warrior's themed party at my friend Cassandra's apartment

big nasty amazing spider that's been living in front of our house for 2 weeks

friends hanging out in my new apartment

cam

caid and cam

caid

alex and cam

the braces twins...but not for long!! cam gets his off next week (so the rumors say)

hey, guess what, amaris and i going to new york in the morning. my plane leaves at 7:25 am from LAX. we'll also be going to boston and connecticut. then i'll be visiting laurel and chad in annapolis. you should pray for the trip...that would be radical.

and hey aren't you glad i did this post just for you when i should be packing?

babes, picnics, tapirs.

2009-09-21T02:41:00.000-07:00

well, to put it simply, my days have become not only increasingly more and more (redundantly redundant) busy, but i swear, simultaneously shorter and shorter. i just don't have enough time to do even everything that needs to be done. like blogging! because i know you all set your calendars to my posts.

real quick...of late developments:
2 new jobs: background painter for warner bros., and substitute teacher at maranatha
moving on friday. new apartment! and i haven't even started packing!
large portrait commission in the works
traveling back east in less than 2 weeks
running a lot...up to 3 miles now!
trying to finish 2 other head drawings to enter into a show by the end of the month

and that's not even taking into account all the craziness going on around me with friends and family &c.
ok done updating.

so what am i doing up at 2:30 in the morning?
well, as much as i desperately need my sleep, i am instead lying awake in bed with a mind running 140 mph. because it doesn't seem to matter how tired i am...my brain will not shut down. it's ridiculous. and i'm trying not to get into the habit of taking my anti-anxiety meds before i go to bed every night :D

so i figured i might as well take advantage of the insomnia and be marginally productive. i've been meaning to post this stuff for a week.
therefore, i proudly present, some pictures and 4 amazing videos from last weekend!

birthday gathering for joey last saturday. lots of playing and wrestling on the lawn.
and cuteness.

Caid being a Tapir
(yes, a Tapir)

this one makes me smile

video of Caid pretending to be said Tapir:

Caid being a Water Bat
(yes, a Water Bat)

wondering what a water bat is? well, you can find out a bit about them in this video:

best line: "i live in the night!"

oh, and just in case you were wondering what water bats drink:

leaf!

playing with big brother

bare, charred san gabriel mountains :(

goofing around after church...

what's funny about this picture, is i have one of johnny and david doing the exact same thing when they were about 14 years old...i'll have to find it.

bob REALLY needs grandkids.

sunday afternoon picnic in the park!
i think joey, alec and jeff all just discovered bugs in their burgers.

oh, and by the way, Beatles Rock Band...

...is really fun.

night.

snapshots of the past few weeks

2009-09-05T17:16:00.000-07:00

Wildfire Chronicles Pt 1 & 2

2009-08-28T14:28:00.000-07:00

the fire in angeles crest is the closest i have ever been to something like this.

yesterday afternoon, driving right around the corner by the house, it looked like a volcano was coming to life in the san gabriel mountains...at this point the fire was still on the other side of the mountains and wasn't considered much of a threat.

yesterday evening as i drove out again this is what it looked like...bright orange flames mounting over the hillside...

a couple of hours later
flames that had to be over one hundred feet high were grazing down the mountains. it's hard to express how huge and terrifying the sight was when all i have is a blurry photo...

the news said last night that they had the fire 10% contained.

this morning i went outside the house and took this picture of the smoke from the front yard...

driving towards the place where i took the previous photos...

i rounded the corner and this is what greeted me:

apparently, overnight, the fire split into two directions and the firefighters lost what little control of it they had. they have issued mandatory evacuations for hundreds of homes in La Canada Flintridge

the most recent one i took, about an hour and a half ago.

listening to news radio, the fires are of course top stories. the fire in azusa is, thus far, 70 contained, and the fire in rancho palos verdes is 60% contained. finally, they mentioned the la canada fire (officially named the Station Fire), and said it is 0% contained.

praying for everyone who has had to leave their homes...

mimi's cafe

2009-08-25T16:17:00.000-07:00

wren, jeannie, carol and colleen are out to lunch with grandpa floyd. he is eating filet of sole...

jeannie: how's your fish, dad?

gp floyd: (thinks for a moment) well, as the hymn says, "it is well with my sole."

first things first: a really awesome night-cloud-shot...

2009-08-17T20:36:00.000-07:00

after-church lunch at wolf burgers

a Tarzan-watching Caid...

the-end

classic wren and cam

2009-08-09T22:03:00.000-07:00

Today, after church was over and the general socializing and talking etc. was done in the parking lot, we finally decided where to go for lunch (wolf burgers, interestingly). As we began to walk to our respective vehicles, Cam took Wren's arm in both his hands, pulled her towards their car and said: "Come on, Granny Sue, let's go."

kids.

2009-08-04T21:23:00.000-07:00

So...

Wren and Cam have been gone since Friday and i've been house sitting for them...which means that i've gotten to watch Caid and Gwen in the mornings!

Yesterday Caid was sitting on the couch looking

at an old Richard Scarry book (it even has Jeff's name in it from when he was little) as i was feeding Gwen. All of a sudden i heard him exclaim: "TRADER JOE'S!"

I walked over to him to see that he was looking at the page with all the things you find in a supermarket...displays of vegetables, scales, check-out aisles, racoons butchering steaks...

and i said, "Oh wow, it does look like Trader Joe's!"

Without removing his eyes from the page he replied insistently: "No, it is Trader Joe's!"

silly me.

Later, once Ginger had arrived to have lunch with them and take them home, i related the above anecdote. She laughed and said to Caid,

"Yeah, you like Trader Joe's, don't you?"

"Mm-hm," Caid replied with a mouthful of pb&j sandwich.

"What other places do you like to go?" Ginger then asked him.

Caid thought very seriously for a moment.
"Mmm," he pondered, "North America."

"North America??"

"Yeah!" he said. "With all the animals."

silly her.

well, here's what's been going on.

2009-08-03T16:38:00.000-07:00

Two weekends ago, Amaris and i had, what we call, a "creative isolation" weekend, where we stake out a spot, and don't really leave it for two days...and we just work. Her, on her novel, and me on whatever drawing project i have going at the time.

cats--not so much

At one point Amaris made herself a sandwich using some packaged deli meat and cheese...only to figure out about 1/3 of the way through eating it that she had forgotten to remove the paper from the cheese.

yep, she ate it.

Amaris working

me working

yaaay

The sad part to this story is that i ended up having to start my drawing over a few days later, because i went and made the heads bigger than i had measured out. I NEED TO NOT DO THAT.

Well, that's how we learn... :P

Caid expounding on the health-improving qualities of a good cobbler and ice cream.
...not really. i just like the way he's holding the spoon...

reid and cam playing croquet...

Oops, ice cream on the shoulder.

Water play at grammies! This was last week.

We had just watched the old Disney Swiss Family Robinson, and Caid was inspired by the scene where the older boy (Fritz?) wrestles a water snake.

So Caid wrapped himself in the hose and began squirming around in it yelling "help! hellllp! it's a water snake!!"

And grammie came to the rescue...beating the snake away!!

Caid also had to examine a brown furry beetle that was making weird hissing noises

poke

A few videos that actually accompany the post below...

whew

a few july videos

2009-07-29T15:48:00.000-07:00

first off, from the 4th of july...pip and reid trying to figure out a dance they saw on youtube...

secondly, from the biola conference, after jeff bishop tells us about his favorite G. K. Chesterton book, kelly enlightens us about some favorite "classics" of her own...

and this one, also from the biola conference is just plain happy. anna monarrez singing "down by the bay" with the kids (she's magical, i tell you), and the happiness that ensues. (caid's response, by the way, is something about "meat")

~

you sick of babies swimming in the pool yet? cuz i'm not.

2009-07-27T10:09:00.000-07:00

have you ever seen anyone so happy to eat a pb&j sandwich?

i really like this one

time to get sun-blocked

standing up!!

motorboat, motorboat

cam and gwennie

fun with mommy

aaaa! alligator!

if you're happy and you know it...

good'day

2009-07-25T19:01:00.000-07:00

praying. morning walk. cold pizza. cold coffee. classical music. drinking tea. drawing faces. reading stories.

Happy Wedding, Laura and Thad...

2009-07-18T14:57:00.000-07:00

7.18.09

why i have disappeard...

2009-07-17T23:22:00.001-07:00

~well, of course, there's the fact that i've been out of town a lot...retreats and stuff...
~holidays
~people visiting (memphis, san diego, richmond)
~healing from surgery (not moving around a lot for a while)
~looking for work (boooo)
~doing commissions (no spare time whatsoever)
~finding work (yaaaay)
~doctor's appointments (far, far away)
~preparing to move in the near future
~lots of praying (my strength)
~lots of writing (my stability)
~lots of reading (my sanity)
~trying to be with my family (we all need mutual support)
~sleeping (not staying up too late)
~exercising
~driving (everywhere. constantly.)
~planning trips for the fall
~SAVING $MONEY$ (very bad for social life)
~student loans and medical bills (very bad for saving money)
~getting ready for Laura's wedding

-shopping
-practicing song
-shopping
-chauffering bridesmaids
-flowers
-drinking coffee
-rehearsals

~TOMORROW is Laura and Thad's WEDDING
~dealing with my mentalness
~dealing with uncertainties
~next week...dealing with everything resulting from this stuff! :D

but it's been good to be busy.

maybe soon i'll see my friends again. super! call me.

~

right quick

2009-07-13T15:11:00.000-07:00

biola was an overwhelmingly deep pool of God's love, glory, and exhortation...a fact that has become more and more apparent, almost hour by hour since i came back home.

going online for the first time since returning from the retreat yesterday hit me with an immediate and surprisingly strong shock in that i realized how nauseated by this world i have become. the degradation of government, frivolity of hollywood, the idolatry of corruption, the blatant self-centered nastiness and worthlessness rampant on the time-waster that is facebook...

i find myself to be, at times, very impulsive. it is how i will write posts that a few hours later i delete. it is how i sometimes say things i immediately regret--and therefore often don't say much at all. it is how i wind up with shoes i don't like and shirts i don't wear.

yesterday i almost deleted my facebook account after being on it for all of 12 seconds.

then my brain (as it is finally beginning to do) kicked in before i acted on impulse and reminded me that facebook has provided me with vital networking, the ability to communicate with certain people, and also i am able to keep tabs on younger people i care about.

so i didn't. but i think i have a permanent averse-ness to it now, which is probably a good thing.

time to get going.

~

as reid so eloquently put it in his facebook status...

2009-07-08T10:03:00.001-07:00

"well, its no westmont, but biola here i come"

~

babies in [pool]water

2009-07-03T13:27:00.000-07:00

some pictures and videos of when joey brought the kids over to swim a few days ago...

gwennie wasn't really a fan at first...

bless you

joey, caid, gwen, grammie and anna

caid found a grasshopper in the pool...

and the ensuing video...

a little while before the video was taken, one of the dogs did, indeed, have a piece of poo stuck to her butt. what that had to do with the death of the grasshopper...? it's a mystery.

i almost gagged typing this

2009-06-30T12:51:00.000-07:00

Caid sneezes and wipes his nose with his hand, smearing a line of snot across his face.

Ginger: Uuugh. You've got a snot trail on your cheek!

Caid (happily): Like a snail!
.
.
.

(get it?)

finished my commission!

2009-06-28T15:46:00.000-07:00

a few months ago, i started this piece for Elizabeth...
i finally put the finishing touches on it last week and here it is! done :)

head on over to my art work blog to see more detailed pictures.

on Friday morning we arranged for me to deliver it to her...here are some pictures of her and the kids with the drawing...

James trying to get one of the babies to look at the camera...

i felt like such a basket case that morning...tired and slow...but Elizabeth gave me some coffee and just in time for me to leave i started feeling better! oh well. it was lovely talking to her for a bit...sitting in patio chairs on their new lawn, watching the boys swim and the twins play...Jewel made herself a cup of tea and pulled a chair out to sit near us.
a few more pictures from my time there...

all in all the whole process was an honor and a blessing. every chance i get to be able to make any sort of living doing what i love to do most is a gift straight from the hand of the Lord.
thank you, Elizabeth!

~

any movie entirely starring puppets that are not muppets is always doomed to be, on some level, unintentionally disconcerting.

2009-06-24T15:23:00.000-07:00

sarah, laura, mom and i at laura's wedding shower...

i went over to pip's one evening to hang out...here he is trying to get his dvd player to work so we can watch Thunderbird 6

here is a trailer for it:

AND HERE is one of the scenes in the movie...and also one of the creepiest things i have ever seen. no joke...this is exactly as it plays out in the film...

...

and of course,
BABIES!!!

caid assists his little sister...

joey cajoles caid to eat a bite of asparagus saying: "well, it looks like we don't have to worry about crows wanting this asparagus. i don't see any crows around. it's just sittin here. crows don't want asparagus. nope, it's totally safe."

but then the crows ATTACK!

this is awesome:
i took this video right after i took the pictures of caid eating the asparagus off the fork joey is holding out.
the beginning is my favorite part, purely for caid's amazing facial expressions...but the whole thing is great.

grammy

"2 snails and a squid" by caid

gwen munches on peach slices

and a letter to greenpeace.

that's all for the present!

~

long winded link

2009-06-18T14:20:00.000-07:00

today's post

i'm seriously starting to get antsy.

kids

2009-06-18T14:15:00.000-07:00

These are the 8th graders i helped my aunt Wren teach art to over the course of the last school year.
before they graduated, i had them sit for me one by one, drew their profiles, and made black cutouts of them. i also took a picture of each of them...but to their consternation :)
i'm putting up 12 of the pictures because they just make me really happy. all their different faces and spirits. how corny am i?? jeesh
there is cam in the first one, of course...

dang it, i'm going to miss the kids so much.

Here is a picture of the majority of the profiles...

i'm really glad a lot of them will be going to Maranatha in the fall, because then i'll get to see them.
~

hanging with the Memphites

2009-06-13T21:13:00.000-07:00

Jen Frazier and Kate Saunders from Memphis came out to visit last week, and we showed them some good, old-fashioned southern california hospitality...starting, of course, with karaoke in Little Tokyo!

and then a gorgeous afternoon touring hollywood, with Jef as our guide extraordinnaire...

greystone manor (aka gastle greyskull)

those are all the best pictures i have.
~

not surprised

2009-06-04T17:08:00.000-07:00

"...The changing character of the native population, brought about through unremarked pressures on porous borders; the creation of an increasingly unwieldly bureaucracy, whose own survival becomes its overriding goal; the despising of the military and the avoidance of its services by established families...the lip service paid to values long dead; the pretense that we are still what we once were; the increasing concenteration of the populace into richer and poorer by way of a corrupt tax system, and the desparation that inevitably follows; the aggrandizement of executive power at the expense of the legislature; ineffectual legislation promulgated with great show; the moral vocation of the man at the top to maintain order at all costs, while growing blind to the dilemmas of ordinary life..."

i just took this from a history book i'm reading...they are reasons for the fall of Rome.

interesting.

today i fell in love with a teeny tiny bug

2009-05-30T23:28:00.000-07:00

i can't even remember how i spotted it on the back of the living room chair...
an almost microscopic, perfect little entity.

i never realized how intelligent these little guys are,
as it warily approached and then fled from my camera.

also...

pictures from oakbridge

caid finds a moth...

and don't forget

2009-05-29T13:01:00.001-07:00

"The only God who seems to me worth believing in is impossible for mortal men to understand, and therefore He teaches us through this impossible.
But we rebel against the impossible. I sense a wish in some professional religion-mongers to make God possible, to make Him comprehensible to the naked intellect, domesticate Him so that He's easy to believe in. Every century the Church makes a fresh attempt to make Christianity acceptable. But acceptable Christianity is not Christian; a comprehensible God is no more than an idol.
I don't want that kind of God."

~Madeleine L'Engle
The Irrational Season

five years

2009-05-27T11:30:00.000-07:00

no bowie-esque song of coming armageddon here.

just remarking that as of today i've been keeping this blog for 5 years!
i'm also starting a NEW BLOG (gasp) to keep as well as this one.

i've been following a few other weblogs that, as a rule, keep posts short and concise, no more than one or two sentences at a time. and i really enjoy them. so i'm going to start one of my own, as i can't really do it on this one.

here tis

:D

A Gwenny J story

2009-05-17T20:53:00.000-07:00

we break now to bring you the tale of...

Gwen's First Pita
Gwen had never tried pita bread before...
but on this not-so-special day,
her big brother Caid decided to give her a piece of his
(with mommy's permission, of course)

she found it to be neither excellent, nor despicable,
and after chewing on it for a minute or so, contented herself to
pulling it apart and playing with it instead.

soon it pleased her to push it around on the tray...

and she pushed and pushed until
it was suddenly too far away for her to reach it!

no matter how hard she tried...

she had to face the inevitable truth...
...that it was she, and she alone, who had pushed the
little pita away.

The End

stepping out

2009-05-17T12:35:00.000-07:00

today i went out with my mom and sat in starbucks and wrote while she marketed. then i wandered aimlessly (and slowly) in trader joes for 10 minutes. we bought some hummus. it was so exciting!!

now i'm going to lie down and not move for a while. :)

"Experiments in getting to the point."

2009-05-15T17:59:00.000-07:00

i would like to recommend a stellar blog. i've visited it on and off and always been pleasantly surprised and uplifted by it.

twenty-two words

i'll be putting a link to it in the sidebar~~~

hi

2009-05-13T10:45:00.000-07:00

my surgery went very well. thank you all for your prayers!

love, colleen

the vital connection

2009-05-11T12:43:00.000-07:00

"Beware of the tendency of asking the way when you know it perfectly well."

~Oswald Chambers (again)

i came to terms a long time ago with the fact that i am ridiculously afraid of always making the wrong decision or doing the wrong thing. i don't know how i have come to be this way...but there it is! it's a daily struggle to be so uncertain and insecure and completely un-trusting of myself, and i know that i'm not the only person who experiences this. though sometimes i feel like i am.
i realize it's not necessarily a bad thing to be untrusting of oneself...in fact it can be a very good thing.
i believe there are many times where, in my hesitation, i have been spared very unpleasant experiences...on the other hand it has also held me back from what could have been very good and worthy ones.
So often it makes it hard to discern what i feel is the Lord's will from my own.

How much do i invest myself in people and things? Do i wait, Lord? Do i move ahead? Do i buy that plane ticket to Ireland? Do i reach out personally to someone who hurting? Do i commit to a career in animation or teaching? et cetera...

Or do i already know God's leading and i'm just too afraid of mistaking it for my own desire.
Because believe me, i know what i desire in these things and more...that is definitely not the problem. Or, you could say, it's a huge part!

What i hope for, more than anything else is that my interests be identified with Christ's.

Chambers also writes about intercession (which i feel ties in to all this)...

"Identification is the key to intercession, and whenever we stop being identified with God, it is by sympathy, not by sin. It is not likely that sin will interfere with our relationship to God, but sympathy will, sympathy with ourselves or with others which makes us say--'I will not allow that thing to happen.' Instantly we are out of vital connection with God."

This is such a loaded statement...i'll leave you to your own thoughts about it.
Just to say it spoke to me deeply in 2 ways...obviously, in how i pray for other people, and in how i discern what God's desires are in daily living.

i yearn for that vital connection, for that identification. Whether it be what to read in the morning, to praying for a drug-addicted loved one, to where i will be living in 3 months.

Proverbs 19:21...Thank God.

~

in other news:
i am having surgery tomorrow! it's funny...it took me (literally) years to finally make the decision to move forward with it (how appropriate). don't worry it's nothing life-threatening. "elective but medically necessary". it's a relatively personal procedure, but i don't really care if people know or not. i'm just not comfortable with posting details online.
i hope i will be able to make it to the oakbridge retreat in a couple of weeks...but if i don't you know why! and if i do, you will know why i won't be able to hug anyone. ha.
i'm a bit nervous, and the first week won't be much fun...so prayers are appreciated, please. :) thanks lovely people.

2009-05-08T12:25:00.000-07:00

"Faith is not a pathetic sentiment, but robust, vigorous confidence built on the fact that God is holy love."

~Oswald Chambers

North of Holliston

2009-05-04T21:20:00.000-07:00

after a weekend of intensive work on my drawing, i took a Sunday afternoon walk with Amaris and Reid...

passion flowers

fading evening light

we stumbled upon Amaris' fantasy/dream/faery house

she was so excited

showing us snow white's room

Amaris pointed at a lot of stuff :)

as we walked around here, the sound of someone practicing their piano drifted out of the upstairs window of this house. and yes, that is an oak tree on its side

and really big agave

when we saw this, Reid exclaimed: "look! it's the stone table"

pretty vine

proof i was there

i just love this house...the car...everything. doesn't it have an amazing face?

hurry back

i love where i live

certain hope

2009-04-29T00:05:00.000-07:00

"I cannot forget the flints on my own path and the thorns. But, looking back, I know I would not have chosen any other if I could have known when I first began to walk in it what it would mean of His companionship, and also of the power to enter into the griefs of others. It was all worth while, ten thousand times worth while.

Don't let anything discourage you. Some may disappoint you--He was disappointed. You will find that nothing is too small for His regard. He will say things to you that you could not repeat--they would sound too small, too intimate--but they will be the joy and rejoicing of your heart."

~Amy Carmichael
Candles in the Dark

just waiting

2009-04-26T21:17:00.000-07:00

and praying

and waiting

things to look at

2009-04-23T13:53:00.000-07:00

(or not)

Just hanging out with the cousins last saturday...

Video in which Caid makes himself dizzy. Just wait for it...it's pretty cute

i really really like this series of pictures...

wrestling with the big boys...

the Gwennest!!

Karen and her grand-kids playing with Gwen after church on Sunday...

2009-04-19T15:58:00.000-07:00

heartaches, broken pieces
ruined lives
are why You died on Calvary
Your touch
is what i long for

You have given life to me

~

state of mind...

2009-04-17T15:47:00.000-07:00

today i felt overwhelmed.
which is, in itself, fine. sometimes i strangely like feeling overly busy...it gives me a sense of purpose; "i have things to do! places to go!" i feel so productive! usually that's when i'm dealing with things i know i can take care of with minimal emotional energy exertion. (that's MEEE in textspeak)
needless to say, i'm sure, right now i am not that kind of overwhelmed. i am the sort that makes me feel like i can't move. worries for people, worries about work, doctor visits, bills, endless phone calls to my health insurance (aaagh will SOMEONE please use words i understand?), frustrating mental instability...
the one good thing about this kind? it makes me cling to the Lord.

an excerpt from my journal from monday April 13...

"...In My Utmost for His Highest the last 2 days, the Lord has pricked my soul. Nothing huge or flashy, or yelling in my face, but just a couple of quiet nudges. Yesterday there was one sentence that summed it up for me: 'Any strand of our own energy will blur the life of Jesus'. I don't ever really need a book or a person to tell me this because I feel it every moment of my life, but all the same I do. I needed to be told.

And then this morning the subject was right and wrong burden-bearing, and the folly of not casting our burdens back onto God. '...but if we roll back on God that which He has put on us, He takes away the sense of responsibility by bringing in the realization of Himself.'

My reliance on my own energy is both confusing and exhausting me. And despite my self-doubt, insecurity and weakness I just keep doing it. And so i become tired, angry, awkward, and cannot be of use to anyone."

That's basically where i've been all week, and today was especially difficult as things finally kind of boiled over. Even after what i wrote 4 days ago, i will not stop this reliance on my self, this carrying of burdens i am so loath to let God take back and help me with. Why is it so so very hard? Why don't i trust Him?
i mean, i do trust Him.
i guess i just feel that maybe He's taking too long...
or that i am not hearing Him clearly, if at all...how can i tell?
does He want me to wait, or take these steps forward?
or perhaps i have simply messed things up by my stubbornness and fear and now everything is ruined and i will never know what good He may have had for me if i had just: a. kept quiet and waited, or b. leaped forward in unwavering faith...(depending on the situation...)...
or...or...

~

in a moment of rest i realize i give my self way too much credit. stop. read Numbers 23:19.
i cannot thwart God. He cannot fail me. it is just nonsense.

"He takes away the sense of responsibility by bringing in the realization of Himself"

and suddenly, if even for just a moment, i feel a light and clarity i never would have if this day, if this mind, were happily and effortlessly my own.

listening

2009-04-10T14:45:00.000-07:00

yippee

2009-04-07T16:00:00.000-07:00

guess what? the pikes have the most beautiful sweet-smelling wisteria vine i've ever seen...

spiderweb :)

one of my favorite times of the week is going to Tom and Jeannie's for dinner before bible study. and right now, early spring, is the an excellent time of the year to sit outside in their backyard as the sun goes down. especially with the family there, a good book, and a cup of tea next to me.
i like this video because it's just an unspectacular little 2 minute window of people and interactions...

after bible study Caid, Amaris and i ran around like crazy people in the front yard, each of us taking turns picking him up and chasing each other. all the while, Caid screeching like a bird (emphasis on screeching)

when we got back inside we realized that Caid's little pants were completely falling off...

uncle Jeff playing with Caid

now, some more neato videos...

caid trying to get gwen to crawl to him (you can hear him saying "come on, come on!")...

Sunday afternoon and evening Jordan and i helped Jeff lay his railroad ties into his front yard. i am sore and have gnarly bruises on my forearms. i feel tough. of course, i don't have a picture of any of that. but here are a couple from when he took us to dinner at Bossa Nova later that night. mmm...

leftover Brazillian food for lunch is a happy thing.

that's all today.
still learning to lean on Him...

isaiah 55

2009-04-03T23:33:00.000-07:00

i'm really starting to feel... and i mean really starting, like never really experienced it before...to feel the conviction and massiveness of what it means to let the Lord do what He desires in my life, and not letting myself get in the way. in everything. work, lodging, relationships, activities...i just want what He wants. this doesn't mean i get it...i don't get it at all! i just know there is something to get. it's not about me--and i don't want to obsess over my failings and fears of failings anymore.

it is 21:06

2009-04-01T21:06:00.000-07:00

do you know where your trains are?

ok back to work...painting rainbow joshua trees...soon to eat some orange chicken...mmm

oh and watch this. preferably now.

this week's assignment: look at a bug, talk to an emo kid, and sing a cowboy song (karaoke optional).

2009-03-31T11:35:00.000-07:00

At the weekly pre-Bible study dinner at the Pikes, Caid and Reid wore uncannily similar shirts!! So of course i had to document it.
Caid was feeling camera shy/resentful and kind of refused to cooperate for a picture. this was the best one i was able to take...which i actually really like just the way it is so it's all okay :)

there were four little blue-grey caterpillars crawling around the wall where the ivy grows...much to Caid's intense fascination...here is a video i took of him...i love how when i ask him what he has, he begins to say "a caterpillar..." but corrects himself and decides he needs to be more specific: "A grey caterpillar".

some awesome emo guys at Chipotle.

i wish you could see their faces...lip and eyebrow piercings scattered evenly between them, the guy on the far right had a cloud of hot pink eyeshadow around each eye (and eyeliner on top of that, of course). i would also like to draw attention to the teal american apparel breifs. Sarah and i were talking about how they were basically just all slightly varying versions of each other. kind of like if you were asked to design a character with the description of "young, emo punk", you would draw these 3 dudes.

Saturday evening found my family celebrating the 25th anniversary of Anna's birth. As the evening winded down we all gathered in Wren's living room and watched a DVD Sarah and i made for her for her 20th birthday. When it was over and we were all sitting there tired from laughing, Caid and Joey began to sing songs together...
(sorry for some of the weird noises on the first one, it's my hand brushing against the input mic. i need to be careful about that...)

Sunday night Jeff and i went to Pataya on Loz Feliz for Thai food. The karaoke there was some of the worst i ever heard (not the singing...the music itself) which just made it amazing.
here is Jeff singing.

and here is jeff showing the guy how to use his karaoke program...the little man who ran the music and played along on the keyboard with every song deserves a mention... after Jeff and i bumbled our way through a few songs and he did a few himself, he came and sat down and we realized that 1-the little man didn't know any of the songs he was playing to and 2-the keyboard wasn't even on. he sat up there and faked accompaniment to every single song, sometimes playing completely off-beat and occassionally stopping and waving to people walking in...right in the middle of a track.
it made me so happy.

oh, here is a video of Cam and Reid from last week (see below)...

Ecclesiastes 3:11

2009-03-23T16:14:00.000-07:00

Jasmine is blooming everywhere...
and flowering trees...magnolias, lemons, plums, crepe myrtles, oranges, tababoulias...everything smells good.

last week was rough...but God showed me a LOT about Himself throughout it. i learned about how much fear i harbor (i didn't think i could possibly have needed to know more about that), how fragile i am (again...i thought i had that covered), and how much i need my brothers and sisters in Christ to keep me straight and accountable.

yesterday, Sunday, was one of the most beautiful days ( i think) that we've had this year. it rained early in the morning, leaving the skies clear, clean and full of magnificent deep, thick clouds in brilliant contrasts of light and dark. the sun shone most of the day, but a chill breeze blew as well, making scarves and jackets a necessity.
though, for a few hours in the afternoon i refused my sweater... content to let my arms soak in all the different warms, cools and breezes in the air.

after church the whole clan went to lunch at pei wei, including anna, the meyers, even dave came and met us, fresh from SLO.
gwen discovered she loved a tube of lip gloss i had in my purse.

afterward mom wanted to see jeff's house and the work he was doing on it, so while the two of them talked home improvement, i sat on wren's front lawn (as they are next door to each other) and enjoyed the previously lauded weather. i was joined on and off by sarah and alec, and at one point, reid and cam--who enjoyed a bit of tag and wrestling.

i hung out around there most of the afternoon...eventually getting coffee with wren, anna, robin and my mom. then we went and bugged jeff, who had just laid down on his couch for a nap.

in the evening i stuck around with jeff and mom took my car home. we decided to go to Whole Foods to get dinner supplies, deciding we wanted to create a vast array of delectable delights to graze from. we were there for the better part of an hour choosing cheeses, fruit (apples and cantaloupe), prosciutto, salame, olives, bread, crackers, chocolate, tea...and a nice bottle of something that, once empty, could hold a bunch of jasmine. after a long, store-wide search, we were left with 2 obvious choices: a really pretty blue sake bottle, and a rad beer bottle with an owl on it...we decided to go with the sake.
we also went by bed bath & beyond because jeff needed wine glasses. he also bought a new trashcan. he was super excited about it.

once back at his place, we prepared the food and listened to the Sweet Hurt whilst doing so. i spent most of the time wrapping the prosciutto around the melon. wren and cam came by and sampled a few things. cam also spent a good amount of time perfecting his form sliding across jeff's still empty new hardwood floors.

once jeff finished the sake i went outside and shivered as i clipped a bunch of jasmine from his vine. around 9:30 jordan came over with a few more things, we did pushups, and then sat down to enjoy our spectacular array of food while watching james bond.
how do i know it was an awesome evening?

because i forgot to take even ONE single picture.

~~~

2009-03-20T00:23:00.000-07:00

Lord i feel inadequate awkward weak and unable to stand up

i can't wrap my head around what You are presenting
i don't know what You want me to do right now

please strengthen me

~

2009-03-11T10:25:00.000-07:00

You know, some things in life may not be ideal to me. But blessings abound.

i like that i work in a situation where i can take a lunch break and go sit in a beautiful yard on a beautiful day.

and where Pip can do handstands in the driveway.

and sometimes...

stupid stupid knee

2009-03-07T18:20:00.000-08:00

i stopped running a year ago because i messed up my knee. on & off over the last few months i've gone out for a light run and come back disappointed. recently, feeling like trying again i went out and bought new running shoes. they're super awesome. so today, feeling restless, and needing some alone time, not to mention it was a gorgeous day, i decided i would take the first run i've had in a long while. so i put on my new shoes (which are black, and light as a feather) secured my knee brace, and went out the door.

a few minutes into it, i thought to myself "oh man, this isn't bad at all, i may have to take a couple of walk breaks, but this is great! i'm gonna be fine!"
i was in store for a very humbling experience.

after about 15 minutes my knee was hurting so badly i had to walk the rest of the 3 miles. i got angry every time i tried to quicken my steps and my whole leg protested. my pride bubbled as people jogged past me. and despite my fast walking pace, i began to get cold as evening fell around me.
all in all...i was a very discontent figure making my way around the rose bowl.

i got home and put ice on my knee, and it's still there as i type this.
i'm very sincerely praying that this isn't going to be something that will always keep me from running...because i think i would be kind of heartbroken. i miss it so.
oh sigh.

but WOW it was a beautiful afternoon.

~~~

number 600

2009-03-05T13:12:00.000-08:00

welcome to post 600! not much else to say about that...just the acknowledgement of a nice, round number.
I am currently putting off working on an orthographic of an express train. these days life for me revolves around being so so grateful to have a job, to be working doing something even REMOTELY creative...but also wishing i had some time to paint, draw, and sing and go running and see people...but that's just where things are. i know the Lord probably has all kinds of things getting ready to drop into my relatively stable existence, so for now i'll enjoy being able to pay off my student loans :)
Really, though, life outside of the studio has been pretty rad.
There has been an influx of awesome people i know moving to (or back to) the Pasadena area...i'm really enjoying even the small amount of time i get to work on my own art endeavors...and it's been raining this week so the weather outside is AMAZING. all very good things.

Jordan teaching Jeff "cribbage"...

Jordan, Evan, and Alec have a nightly push-up bonding time at 9:36. they call each other pretty much wherever they are and stop and do 2 sets of 25 pushups. last week Jordan pulled over and stopped in a gas station to do his. after Bible study last week the 3 of them and my dad ran into the Meyers' backyard and went for it...

oh yeah, and they take their shirts off.

karaoke at the Miyako hotel last Friday night...Amy is singing her every popular rendition of "My Heart Will Go On". Jeff and i make her do it almost every time we go.

i took this picture of cam, reid, mikey and ethan after church on sunday. i remember when each of these guys was a little boy. now all teenagers, it's a total trip seeing them acting more and more like young men...(some of the time)... it's amazing and scary. will i ever get used to how fast life is flying by??
do i want to?

well, i just found out that a project i spent a good half a day on last week was lost somehow...so i need to get on that. X(

Psalm 103 is amazing. i'm trying to memorize it...and it helps me fall asleep at night...running it through my mind instead of thinking about my insecurities or what i didn't get finished during the day.

~~~

one of my favorite videos

2009-02-25T16:08:00.000-08:00

just to make your day a little brighter...

#50.2 - Sufjan Stevens (MusicNow) - The lakes of Canada
Uploaded by lablogotheque

(ps--it has now been 6 days since my cel phone vanished from the face of the planet. if i don't find it by tomorrow i need to get another one. thank God i have insurance...but come on! i never left the house!!)

dance parties and take a break cookies

2009-02-23T10:15:00.000-08:00

reeeeeally quick...

i like the mountains. i also like the clouds on them.

alec and sarah had a belated birthday (alec's) and dance party last weekend. laura and thad were there, and alec's friend dave. the pictures make me really happy.

this one is just so rad. you must enlarge it.

sliiiide

AND VIDEOS!!

(thad is sitting down because he just had an appendectomy :(...)

last thursday at work, brie came by and saw pip and dropped off home-made cookies for everyone...they were gone by the end of the day.

thank you brie :)

okay. gotta get to work now.

sunny rainy days

2009-02-17T23:40:00.000-08:00

still terribly busy. but so thank-ful to be so.

trying to read a lot, and draw a lot. my drawing for elizabeth is coming along slowly, but surely...maaaaybe a progress post soon? anyone interested?

i am currently listening to a mix of Low, Fleet Foxes, of course Sufjan, various mixes from friends...plus the "yacht rock" and smooth jazz pip and andrew play at work...
i just finished a splendid book called The Goose Girl, and i am close to finishing Dr. Zhivago.

a lot happening in work and life...lots of creative opportunities (thank you, Lord) lots of wonderful people (thank you again) and all around blessings.

just the problem of inward ache. it's kinda bad right now.
but it's been worse.

Isaiah 49:8-13

⁸ Thus says the LORD:

“ In an acceptable time I have heard You,
And in the day of salvation I have helped You;
I will preserve You and give You
As a covenant to the people,
To restore the earth,
To cause them to inherit the desolate heritages;
⁹ That You may say to the prisoners, ‘Go forth,’
To those who are in darkness, ‘Show yourselves.’

“ They shall feed along the roads,
And their pastures shall be on all desolate heights.
¹⁰ They shall neither hunger nor thirst,
Neither heat nor sun shall strike them;
For He who has mercy on them will lead them,
Even by the springs of water He will guide them.
¹¹ I will make each of My mountains a road,
And My highways shall be elevated.
¹² Surely these shall come from afar;
Look! Those from the north and the west,
And these from the land of Sinim.”
¹³ Sing, O heavens!
Be joyful, O earth!
And break out in singing, O mountains!
For the LORD has comforted His people,
And will have mercy on His afflicted."

Tonight after prayer, after everyone else had left, Jordan was talking to us about his time in prison, and while he was in there the Lord led him to read the prophets...Isaiah, Jeremiah, &c... and those books that to him had always been about judgment and despair and failure, suddenly began to reveal their messages of hope and redemption.

i had just read the the above passage a few days ago. i understood exactly what he meant.
i thought it was pretty cool.

~~~

dad's watching the weather...

2009-02-10T22:37:00.000-08:00

looks like more rain

work has taken over my liiiife!!

~

doo dee doo

2009-01-29T19:39:00.000-08:00

it overwhelms me how much quality music there is out there to hear. i am so behind.

~

is that a woman?

2009-01-26T22:49:00.000-08:00

video from memphis of amaris' amazingness.

~

i felt like writing a little

2009-01-23T01:59:00.001-08:00

there is a stamp of abraham lincoln on my left hand.
i saw a band called Woven Hand tonight, and though it wasn't the most amazing show i've ever been to, there were a couple of songs that were some of the most fascinating music i've heard live. i'd listened to a few tracks a while back and really liked what i heard, but never followed up. yet seeing a band live always makes me appreciate them more; so needless to say i'm going to have to bite the bullet and by an album or 3. if only to find one song they played that seriously melted my face off. (why else would i be hiding it in the picture?)(which by the way is reversed. mac photo booth does that. the stamp really is on my left hand. i did not lie/am not confused)

*meanwhile*...
i finally have a picture of the painting i did for Tom and Jeannie...

i'm also starting the final stage of my new project for elizabeth...a portrait of her 5 children!! i posted a preliminary drawing i did a while back...anyway here is the scary blank paper.
i've actually drawn a lot since i took this...but you don't get to see it.

mom is slowly getting better...it's been 2 weeks since the surgery; and as usual she is working way too hard. here she is working on a drawing in bed...i took this last week.
the picture is of her being good...99% of the time she is not good...she is up far too much for someone who can't sit or stand and it's making me crazy because she is in constant pain. i can't wait for the next 2 weeks to be gone!! last night (actually, tuesday night) we watched the last episode of season 1 of the original Star Trek. looks like i need to buy season 2...

sunday afternoon i drove cam home from lunch and as i lounged in the living room with him, i sneaked a picture of him playing the guitar...his newfound object of devotion. i thought it was cute.

Monday was Jeff's 31st birthday. a gathering was had at Wren's for fajitas and family togetherness. after dinner we went next door to see his new floors, and Reid promptly made excellent use of them...

As you see, he aquired a substantial audience for his newfound breakdancing talents. their enthusiasm just oozes from the picture, does it not?

i was almost too tired to even go see everyone on monday...but i was also too tired not to, if that makes sense.

i wish i didn't get so stir-crazy!!! i live, work. eat and sleep here. it's becoming a bit tedious.
work for the past couple of weeks has been intense, as we have had a nearly impossible amount of production to do on characters and locations for the animated film we are working on...compounded with mom being so unwell. Lord, please let her sleep tonight...

i got back from the show about an hour ago and as he drove me home pip asked me what things i wanted to do, to get done, this year.
make more art
move out (SOON)
get a steady job doing something awesome
travel more...including going to more conferences
save $$$
...you know. the usual stuff. writing a book and learning to play the cello would be rad too.

i don't know. i feel like i'm where i'm supposed to be right now...i just wish i knew i was moving towards something. i'm trying to be better at praying that i'll make the most out of where the Lord has me...because if i can't do that i'll never be content no matter what i'm doing.

God has been telling me a lot of stuff. i wish i wasn't such a coward as to always keep it to myself.

~~~

inaguration tomorrow

2009-01-19T23:28:00.000-08:00

i wish i could be excited. i really really truly do.

but i simply can't.

~

the great western special delivery road trip

2009-01-13T09:58:00.000-08:00

So, i did end up going to Colorado over the weekend. on saturday morning Evan and i flew to Denver, where we were picked up by Robin's husband (my new uncle) John. He drove us to Colorado Springs, where we got to see the house, hug Robin, and were given our vehicle that was the reason we were there...(and which was to take us home).

the next couple of days were beyond awesome as we poked around a pretty amazing part of our country...seemingly abandoned towns where the only signs of life are horses walking the streets, and 2 little boys pushing a tire...dream cafes appearing in the middle of nowhere...listening to voyage of the dawn treader while driving through a glittering snowy desert...mountains and skies that make you feel like a teeny tiny hobbit.
from old steel mills that made Evan flip out, to miles and miles of sparkling white that made me sigh at its beauty....
it was pretty cool.

below are links to the facebook albums of the trip...enjoy!

link to the first album

link to the second album

~~

huh.

2009-01-08T19:48:00.001-08:00

Well, turns out i have a lovely bacterial infection. :D
Perfect timing for mom having emergency surgery tomorrow to RE-ATTACH HER HAMSTRING.
Dad is also very sick again.

Prayers welcome :)

i was supposed to fly to colorado on saturday. we'll see...

P.S...just had a small earthquake as i was typing. wow?

~

christmas

2009-01-08T10:27:00.000-08:00

just a few pictures before time gets too much further away from me!!...

2009-01-07T16:56:00.000-08:00

Man, just a few weeks ago i had the stomach flu and now i'm fighting a nasty cold. my body has simply not been happy with me.

~

pictures from memphis...

2009-01-05T19:16:00.000-08:00

as i said before, the conference in Memphis was awesome. click here to see the facebook album...sorry it seems so lazy...i'm very tired.

love, c

~

i said y'all today

2009-01-03T14:16:00.000-08:00

i've been in memphis for 3.5 days and i'm picking up an accent. hm.

it is cold and wintery...and the messages and fellowship have been wonderful. i can't believe i'm already going home tomorrow.

~

nuther drawring

2008-12-22T23:13:00.000-08:00

so, thought i'd post the a drawing i did for my aunt wren of her son, Cameron, when he was a baby. (it's for Christmas so shhh don't tell her)...

Cam
9x12
graphite on paper

This piece was an learning experience...i was given a blurry photograph to work from, first of all, which is kind of the #1 way to make something a lot more difficult than it needs to be. Doing the under-drawing was a pain in the arse as a result. After 3 days of frustrated sketching i kind of threw in the towel...i didn't touch it for about 2 months because i was so fed up with it.
But time heals all wounds, they say...and the adage held true in this case. When i picked it up again a few days ago i took advantage of my fresh eyes and did a couple of minor corrections, which is all it really needed. Then i sat down, did the whole render in one evening and got it framed the next day. :)
~~~~~

just for fun...here's cam now, 13 years later (i stole this from his facebook):

kids.

~~~

snow on the foothills :)

2008-12-21T14:51:00.000-08:00

the rain has made things so beautiful. cold, clear air, bright colors, snow in the mountains...the trees are my favorite. they're the #1 reason why i love fall/winter (kind of the same round here)...

joey and gwen...

beautiful family

cam in his school christmas pageant...he stole the show as the unsympathetic innkeeper...

dad and i in laguna looking so very cool...

a few more trees:

just wait until i get out and take some pictures on our street. maybe tomorrow...seeing as i'm not quite up to my full prowess yet.
stomach flu = rather DIE
i was feeling stir-crazy when i finally woke up today and went to the store, and now i feel like i've lost a pint of blood. yaaay!!

Christmas is in 4 days...just in case you forgot.

anyway, that's all for now.

~

2008-12-18T21:17:00.000-08:00

you may or may not remember back in February when i lost my camera...

but it has been found. by the lovely Carole Holliday!! in the sofa!!

now to find the one that disappeared 2 weeks ago...

i can't find my camera

2008-12-15T11:26:00.000-08:00

the black hole of my house has claimed another somewhat irreplaceable (considering there were pictures on it), and very expensive victim. it's been 2 weeks and i'm kind of going nuts without it...the clouds and trees on my street have been so BEAUTIFUL!! :(

sighhhhhhhhh

in the meantime, i want a cat with a neurological disorder.

description: "this is my cat bebe...he's a little on the handicapped side"

~

one of the reasons artists are awesome...

2008-12-08T23:21:00.000-08:00

...because they throw parties like this.

My friend Todd (on the left)'s birthday was last week, and my we had a party for him in Laguna on Saturday...the theme was Peter Pan. the best part? out of 25-odd people, i was asked to come as Peter! wahoo!

when i walked into The apartment that evening, speakers playing the Peter Pan soundtrack greeted me with "You Can Fly". a tiny city built from cardboard covered the floor of the entryway, and the stairs up into the apartment were draped with blankets and clouds made of tissue paper, glowing stars scattered everywhere.
when i got to the first floor, Todd himself greeted me as Captain Hook, and my friend Karina--or in this case, Tinker Bell--ran down from the second floor, exclaiming (in her russian accent) "you can't fly without me!!" and promptly threw glitter all over my head. Tiffany came after her in pirate garb and i was shown the rest of what they had been working on all week...

The largest room was split in half by hanging sheets. one half consisted of a makeshift stern of a pirate ship, made from tables, cardboard and an armchair, and was complete with a ship's wheel and jolly roger. there was also an area with various costume items--wigs, cardboard swords, and eye patches--for those who came, well, without character.

opening the sheets to the other part of the room revealed an elaborate "captain's quarters"...curtains draping the walls, and desks strewn with old books, statues, gold, maps and candles.

on the second floor was a whole room dedicated to the mermaid lagoon. all the furniture had been moved out, and the floor was a mound of pillows and blankets. the wall was wrapped in butcher paper painted with underwater scenes, and 3 dim lamps leaned against the walls giving the room and eerie glow.
in this room was also a tv that had PPan playing on loop throughout the night.

to put it simply...it was awesome. i am in constant amazement at how fantastic my friends are!! and now, for some more pictures...

my lost boys :)

~~~

wurking

2008-12-04T19:49:00.000-08:00

Just pausing from drawing train orthographics to say hi...

"hi."
(i woke up with my hair this way and have been completely unsuccessful in taming it. oh well.)

finished and working things

2008-11-30T19:16:00.000-08:00

well, i finally finished my drawing of rebekka...here tis...

and i'm also doing a commission for the lovely Elizabeth of her 5 lovely children. i did the preliminary sketch for it...

i used a couple of different pictures she gave me to make this composition (which is quite imperfect) but it's nice to see it all...well, drawn out! hahaha!!

i likes making stuff :)

~

2008-11-29T01:55:00.000-08:00

"And why is it," thought Lara, "that my fate is to see everything and take it all so much to heart?"

~Dr. Zhivago

it's good to hear a sweet sound

2008-11-25T22:18:00.000-08:00

i swear, overnight the bleachers for the Rose Parade went up...

Kristina, Brie and i saw Twilight last week...midnight! oh yeah. we are so with it.

This last Sunday after church, the kids and i celebrated weather that sort of remotely felt like fall...by throwing leaves at each other.

Caid and i realized we would be much more successful as a team. so i became the legs, while he handled throwing the leaves. Here we are loading up our ammo...

...and then about to get pelted.

Caid watches forlornly as the ice cream man passes by.

another video of gwen...the first 10 seconds are superb.

it's raining :)

~~~

2008-11-25T01:26:00.000-08:00

i've been realizing that the more i am desiring certain things to manifest themselves in my life, the less i am prepared for them.

~

and the seasons, they go round and round

2008-11-16T21:22:00.000-08:00

i think it's safe to say that things are overwhelming right now. just not enough hours in the day...but things keep right on going.

Thursday night was the opening of the Fairhaven Show that i am in. it is the most beautiful collection i have ever been honored to be a part of...

there's my painting, down at the end...

gwen. she's pretty great.

here's a video of Wren and Anna singing to her...

oh yeah, and California is on fire again. i have a sore throat and headache from the smoke and ash clogging the air. fun!

i drove to Santa Ana this evening to pick up my painting from the show, and while passing through the area of Yorba Linda, even with the inside air on, i had to cover my face with a sweatshirt. The smoke was so thick.
aaand it's 90 degrees. in november. sigh. oh what i wouldn't give for some real fall...! a mere few days in a row is all i ask!

oh, and i've been painting, too. which is just smashing.

~

monkeyball

2008-11-15T23:44:00.000-08:00

viva...

2008-11-11T21:44:00.000-08:00

As many of you know, i went to las vegas on sunday. i just got back today. here are some pictures...

anyway, because of forces beyond my control, it was kind of a not-so-great time. BUT i got to go, and see the lights and the craziness, and wear my cute H&M skirt and pink shoes out in the evening. and i got to see MYSTERE...which i've been wanting to do for about 10 years. no really.

i recommend going to vegas just to see it, if for nothing else. it was one of the most beautiful things i've even beheld...the human body is exquisite. there were instances where all i could do was worship God as i watched. i will never get over the sublime and impossible grace of the forms in which we are created.

but dang it, all i wanted to do was get home and watch Star Trek.
which is what i will do right now.
hee.

~~~

it's taken 26 years, but...

2008-11-06T22:57:00.001-08:00

...i've finally discovered Star Trek.

*OMG*

~

the past 5 days or so

2008-11-05T13:28:00.000-08:00

to see Caid getting his "rawr" on for Halloween: go here

this picture was completely un-posed. that's how amazing pip is.

after i saw all my friends at LCAD last friday i went to the beach for a while and wrote a few letters. while i was there a homeless man i know stopped and talked to me for a while. Pip and i and another friend of ours met him a couple of months ago. His name is Reegan, and he's in his early 40's and dying of cancer. but he is one spirited guy and looooves to talk and tell stories...

When we met him it was at night and he was drinking a bottle of Listerine. we ended up talking to him and a couple of other guys for about 3 hours. We prayed with Reegan as well...he knows the Lord and the only thing he's looking forward to is the day he gets to go be with Jesus.

Anyway, so that was pretty neat to see him last week. we got to catch up a bit, he showed me some shoes someone had just given him, and told me what was going on down in Laguna with all the people who were living on the beach. He also told me there are some people trying to get the rights to a book he wrote about his life, so they can make a film from it. i told him that that was amazing! he didn't seem to excited, though, and told me that if he ever does get any money from either of them, he's going to leave it all to his nephew who lives in Colorado. i hope i get to see him again...

there was also a woman on the bench near mine reading Twilight. it made me happy. i told her she was going to love it. hehe...

aah, southern california in the winter!

Halloween night, i saw the family, and Caid was more than proud to show off his "Dino" costume...

horraay for politics.

even BIGGER (and more sincere) hooraay for amazing weather!!!

mom carved a pumpkin :)

go america!

~~~

YObama

2008-11-05T00:08:00.000-08:00

new president

Lord, it's in Your hands! Thank You for that.

~

i'm tiiiired

2008-11-01T19:06:00.000-07:00

i can't express how glad i'll be for this election to be over. no matter what happens. i will support whatever man wins...it's what God has asked us to do.

anyway...some pictures! it's been cloudy :D

man, i miss LCAD...

i am so proud to be friends with these people.

okay i'm done. peace.

~

sorry...

2008-10-30T21:36:00.001-07:00

i hope no one thinks that i feel i have any righteousness of my own...
apart from Christ i am nothing.
i deserve nothing.

i wrote the previous post out of a burden that has been placed on my heart...

i realize i need to be careful what i write about.
i was just expressing some thoughts and i didn't mean to anger anyone.

love, colleen

~

proposing truth

2008-10-29T22:31:00.000-07:00

There are so many things that are difficult about being a Christian who is serious about God's word, and who Christ has called us to be in this world.
One of these, as anyone can attest, is being persecuted for our faith...being mocked and abused for our silly, "outdated" and "bigoted" beliefs.

Lately there has been another burden on my spirit.
For me there is also the pain of knowing that people around me who i love very dearly, who are not the Lord's, are also, in some cases, are feeling persecuted by us.

Don't worry, i know that this is essentially not true. (except where you do see the crazies on "our side" who act out in hate)
But i guess that one of the many stirring and eye-opening aspects of being close to people who are not saved, is seeing things from their point of view. A fallen one, granted, but it would be the exact way i would look at things if God had not already revealed Himself and His ways to me.

Because, to put it simply, The Lord's ways are not fair.
they are only right.

Why should my moral views make any sense to someone who doesn't believe in absolute truth? or in the sacredness of the Bible?
What does it mean to them what marriage symbolizes, and why it even exists...?

I have a friend who i care for very much who i went to school with. He is a talented artist, a generous person, and a genuinely kind and lovely human being. he has encouraged me and supported me and confided in me. He is also gay--which makes no difference in how much i love him. i don't even think about it. But it does drive an invisible, yet very solid line between us. It is a line that i have not yet had to try and cross, but the way things are going these days...

Yesterday he wrote a "note" on facebook (kind of like a blog post) for everyone he is "friends" with to read. It struck me deeply, and is a big part of what prompted me to think about all this.
Before i go on i'll let you read it for yourself...

Prop 8 Allegory

"What do you think an artist is?" Picasso once responded during an interview. "An imbecile who has only eyes if he's a painter, or ears if he's a musician, or a lyre at every level of his heart if he's a poet, or even if he's a boxer, just his muscles? On the contrary, he's at the same time a political being, constantly alive to heartrending, fiery, or happy events to which he responds in every way."

A friend called the other day and asked what "Yes on Prop 8" meant, and I told her. She said that there were dozens of people, dressed in yellow on Aliso Creek Road holding up signs that read "Restore Marriage" and cheering. Entire families, children absorbing their parents anxieties, learning how to see in black and white, learning that it's dangerous to see all those colors.

"That's what I thought," my friend responded. "That's fucked up." She said that she and another friend of mine were going to throw things at them, have a meeting of the Reptilian minds. I laughed and cried at this. My own feelings on the this perpetual debate have always been fragmented, since I first learned of it at the age of 14 when it was called Prop 22 and I naively assumed that civil liberties was just something that the modern world all kind of agreed upon. I remember being at Moonlight beach, surfing with my best friend during our freshman year of high school when I asked his opinion and he told me that he didn't think they should get married, "because it's gross."

I have felt angry and wanted to throw things myself, when I have seen them standing on the corner there, all the yellow merging into a single form. I wanted to yell in their faces about how wrong they were. My mind was detached and primal, they felt so separate from me, their prejudices so foreign.

I took a rose from my car that had been given to me the night before and that I had not removed from its place on the front seat. My throat felt swollen and dry as I walked up to the yellow beast. It pulsated there in front of me, thinking it was everything that I was not and daring me to prove it otherwise. I searched the moral behemoth and found a woman inside of it, writhing. She was a mother, I saw, with a son of about 9 years old who had prominent ears that he will undoubtedly later pay for.

Maybe it was her that first connected with me, or maybe it was him, or maybe it was his protruding ears that captured my attention and allowed me to pick them out especially from the flood of signs. "As the world becomes more horrible, art becomes more abstract," Paul Klee had said. I went up to the woman and gave her the rose and an accompanying smile. She asked if I would like to join them, and I declined politely and looked again at her son, who could so easily have been me. I gave him a wave before walking away, and I felt like a real artist.

Oh how grateful i am that i can be certain of God's power and authority and perfect judgment...because if i were in this with any doubt, i would crumble.
It would be so easy to say i just didn't care. If i love this guy, why should i stand in the way of his happiness...?

because i don't want him to DIE.

Because if i didn't love him as much as i do i wouldn't care.

All this emotion, all this very real real pain and love and anger and passion he is feeling and expressing is all leading him straight to his death.
This sensitive, dear man who has such really beautiful intentions in what he wants to bring to this world...in spite of his genuineness, his nobility, his earthly wisdom...is wrong. And the enemy is daily covering him in more and more velvety, soft, justifying darkness.

i am not ashamed about what my convictions are. i am not afraid of them and of what people will do to me, because it is not my welfare that matters, it is God's.

but i don't want to lose anyone...

i am completely overwhelmed.

And i ask for all of you to remember that while there are, indeed, millions of people out there full of blind hate and devoid of reason...
There are also those that love and care and believe they are doing what is right and good. All they can see in us is hatred and ignorance...it's the only way they can make sense of or justify it.

Please, please pray with me that Christ can touch the lives of these dear souls and reveal to them what is truly worth fighting for.

~